Photo-bombing Dan, Rush to Error, Up High!

McLovin Does It Again

Congratulations McLovin! Awful Announcing named McLovin’s Harlem Globetrotter ball spin on the finger, in the box, where he knocked off and broke his glasses then reached for them on his face like they were still there as their number ten of twelve Awful Announcing’s Top Twelve Bloopers of 2012. Keep up the good work Andy! Footnote: McLovin tried to recreate the moment in celebration of the recognition by AA and was unable make it happen. Par for course. Try to do something and can’t, try not to do something and do.

Did it one, did it twice (in NYC), third time not a charm
www.awfulannouncing.com/2012-articles/december/top-12-announcing-bloopers-of-2012.html

Up High!

If Adrian Petersen, from the Minnesota Vikings, reaches out to shake your hand you may want to think twice, no matter who you are. Adrian is becoming known for his hand crushing handshakes, just ask John Lynch’s ten year old son. Show no mercy no matter what. Go up high, go for knucks or risk your metacarpals.

Goin' up high and with knucks

Rush to Error
Dan has been an enormous fan of the band Rush for many, many years. Something he’s had wrong all this time is the pronunciation of the drummer’s last name. He received a gift for the man cave, a pair of beat up drum sticks that were given to a fan of the band, who is also a fan of the show, by one of the band’s techs. With the drumsticks came a note explaining that the name of the drummer is not pronounced Pert like the shampoo, but Peert like there is an ear sound between the P and the T. As hard as Dan tried, he just couldn’t get it right after saying it wrong for so long. Dan didn’t say either of the ways above. He was now saying Peart like the fruit with a T. Oh, Dan. So much for your chances of getting the NSSA Sportscaster of the Year this year.

Not the shampoo

Sounds Like Cereal
Sven in CA called in with his Grudenisms which really only one fit the category: Bunch crunch toss play. Can’t you see it? You pour from the open box this funky bunch of nuts and flakes coated in goo. Slop on the milk. Toss it with your spoon. Play with the masses trying to soften it up so it won’t break your teeth. Finally, put a spoonful in your mouth and bite down making a large, long crunch noise. Yep, that’s where Gruden got that line.

Bunch crunch toss play

Caller You’re On The Air

If there were awards for the fans that call into the show, who would receive them this year? Shae in Irving would receive the Come Back Caller of the Year after a lengthy absence from the show and then coming back in 2012 with each call he made sharper, snarkier and funnier than ever. Congratulations Will Ferrell, ahhh, I mean Shae! The Caller of the Year, make that years, is Chris in Syracuse who had called each and every day, even when there were guest hosts, as well as to The Box Score until circumstances beyond his control have kept him away. Congratulations Chris and We Miss You! Shae and Chris, your awards are in the mail. No, not really, that wasn’t true, but congratulations anyway!

Caller, you're on the air

Photo-bombing Dan  
If you had watched the movie, That’s My Boy, with Adam Sandler, Dan and yes, the Danettes, you may have noticed that Paulie was the most prominent of the Danettes. So what was his secret? His boyish good looks? His natural ability to convey a message without saying a word? Crazy acting chops? No way! It’s his ability to stand close and sway from side to side of Dan during Dan’s camera shots. So crafty, so Paulie.

Dan channeling John Laroquette
backed by the Danettes, Paulie at his side 

O Christmas Tree, Calling a Spade a Spade, & More

Dan Calls a Spade a Spade
Did you know that in order to recruit players in the NCAA you need to pass an annual recruiting test of thirty questions on NCAA rules? If you did know before today, GOOD FOR YOU! Bobby Petrino, the Kentucky football head coach, found out he passed his test and can go out and recruit. That was probably the most informative part of the interview. What could have made it better? Petrino being open and honest and not skirt the issues when Dan threw the tough questions his way. Dan isn’t disingenuous with his guests or with his audience. If he calls a spade a spade on the air before they come on, he does it while they’re on the air too. Unlike other radio shows that say one thing when the guest isn’t on the air and another when they are. It wasn’t Petrino’s affair that Dan was after, it was that he hired his mistress for an opening at the Arkansas athletic department violating rules and how when he left the Atlanta Falcons he told the players by leaving a note in their lockers. 

How far will Petrino’s remorse get him?

O Brother Where Art Thou?
Fritzy needed his brother’s help in more ways then one today. One of the problems was the mock headlines on the Patriots/Texans game that only earned a "That’s terrible" from Seton and groans from everyone else on the first submission. From there, not a single sound effect, not even crickets. To top that, he was followed by Sven who didn’t have to do anything more than breathe to be better than Fritzy. The writer brother was so missed and needed.

Even dogs can get in on Fritzy's first mock headline!

Sven in CA’s Grudenisms only Jon understands:

Wham break

Dagger squad combination

Short area quickness

Peek-a-boo sack 

And my favorite:

Big iron gear on your lawn

Football linguist from another planet

Second problem Fritzy encountered was the report of his time with the make up artist for the NYC promo shoot yesterday. Poor Lana. She was probably just short of saying "My eyes are up here!" and putting in some ear plugs. Fritzy is a chatterer. The kind that either out of nervousness or because they like hearing the sound of their voice, or they just don’t know any better, talk and talk and talk and talk. Even if you’ve tuned them out, and they know you have tuned them out, continue to talk. 

Did Lana really need to know Fritzy had a hernia surgery coming up?

Can Danette Deficiency Help Dan Win?

Dan was nominated for the National Sportscaster of the Year award with a bunch of play by play guys. They have it easy, watch a game, talk with analyst, talk with players, go home.  The voting committee needs to factor in difficulty before deciding the award. The difficulty of who you work with each day determines your worth. If the voting committee did that, Dan would be a multi-time winner. Dan was able to put the Danettes in what will probably be their one and only movie! That should garner a lifetime achievement award! As a reminder this is what Dan is working with:

Fritzy – mock headlines, cougar of the day, constant emailing pictures of women
Paulie – has no joy, obsessed with soccer, meanest Danette
Seton – can’t figure out who the winner of a TV is, fights with McLovin like a brother
McLovin – Where do you start? Where do you stop?

Here’s a list of other nominees in Dan’s category:

National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association 

National Sportscaster Nominees 

Al Michaels, NBC

Bob Costas, NBC/MLB Network

Dan Patrick, NBC/"The Dan Patrick Show"

Dan Shulman, ESPN

Brad Nessler, ABC/ESPN/NFL Network

Jim Nantz, CBS

Joe Buck, Fox

Mike Tirico, ESPN/ABC

Mike Emrick, NBC

Kevin Harlan, CBS/TNT

Could any other nominee than Dan win with this support staff?

O Christmas Tree!

Back in the Miford man cave and we find that the Christmas tree is up and the Menorah is lit. 2012 ornaments are starting to come in. Dan and the Danettes did a viewing of the ornaments received so far and Dan has a message for one special audience member: He can’t be bribed, because of it’s questionable content he can’t take it home, and it can’t go up on the tree but he can be entertained. For someone at the Mothership that still knows a good thing when they see/hear it, he did receive your ESPN ornament for the tree. He has no problem with that. Dan loves his ESPN staff audience. Would ESPN have a problem with an ornament from DP’s show up on the ESPN Christmas tree in their lobby? Seton’s current mission is occupy Christmas tree but he needs to do it in a covert manner, so no help from the audience please. He knows you’re enthusiastic helpers, but for this one he needs to go it alone.

His sleepy look is only cover for his trickery

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

You have no balls but the lights are neat.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

You need a hot chick to make you sweet.

Fritzy creeps the girls away, 

Danny Jaw Face hates those days.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

It may be only men that touch thee.

Will Chrissy make a return appearance this year?

You can send your 2012 ornament to:

The Dan Patrick Show

P.O. Box 591 

Milford, CT 06460

Ornaments will be eligible win a gift!

High manipulation, celebrity burns and itches

Jim Parsons has an itch and it’s bad
While appearing on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Jim Parsons, Emmy winner who plays Sheldon on CBS’s Big Bang Theory, spoke of his desire to join the show as an unpaid summer intern. He didn’t think he would be a big contributor but would love to be part of the Danettes, naming each of them as he continued to speak of his yearning. Could he replace McLovin?  Fritzy wouldn’t mind having him in the back row.  DP thought he could give the poll question results just as good as McLovin but McLovin wondered if he would be able to lie about the results the way he can.  As Jim said, he loves the show and thought for a long time how he would like to be a part of his favorite group of people in the world. He could learn about sports and make new friends.  The boys could always use another friend, especially a celebrity friend. Jay reminded him that Dan’s part of NBC now and Jay could give Dan a call. Parsons seemed giddy when he responded to the news: “Is he? Please try!”  For the betterment of the show McLovin would not take the summer off to make room for Jim to intern.  If Dan tried, he would be kicking and screaming as he was shoved out the door. Parsons can’t take over for Two-a-Days as he should be displayed on camera. In the box McLovin claimed he could do what any of the Danettes or Casey does but couldn’t answer the phones for Two-a-Days as he can get confused. (That explains a lot.)  The only other person he admitted he couldn’t replace was DP.  After trying to take The Box Score to break, he proved he couldn’t take over for Casey either.  Dan reminded McLovin that he put himself in the position to be expendable. OUCH!

Longing for a man cave invite

I like a non-sports poll question 
I’ve said it before and I like what I said.  I like a non-sports poll question that gets you to react.  Today we had two: Where would you rather get hit in a cheap shot – head, knees, junk? That was Paulie’s contribution.  The other came from Seton: Which is a better nickname Johnny Baseball or Johnny Football?  Personal preference is the first question It made me chuckle and visualize.  Dan was not so hot on either.  After Dan’s criticism McLovin quickly jumped ship and threw the blame at the originators but had Dan liked one of them he would have taken the credit. McLovin thinks this is a team when he’s looking for support but it’s all about him when things are going his way.  The clock is ticking McLovin, you need to get creative dude because the Locker Room and other audience members are licking their chops for their opportunity to take over the poll. Really, how much longer will DP let him twist in the wind before he cuts the cord on the poll.

Hit groin, hit ground, roll around in pain

Don’t stand so close to me!
Personal boundary lines were being crossed today as McLovin came up to speak to Seton as he was adjusting his waistband and belt at what was Seton’s face level.  Awkward!  Send in the Police!

Does my mid-section near your head make you nervous?

Touch down Jesus in the Notre Dame helmet?
Is there an image of Jesus in last week’s SI cover?  You can’t tell by the website but it’s evident in the enlarged cover poster sent to and on display in the man cave.  Divine intervention for this heavenly season?

Dear Touch Down Jesus, just one more win

To ESPY or not to ESPY, that is the question
A much unexpected invite came from the people who are doing the ESPY’s for Dan to attend.  In what capacity we’re not sure.  What we are sure of is that the invite didn’t come from ESPN management.
Dan was told he’d be treated like a king.  Definitely not words that would come from the mouth of Mothership management. Dan said he didn’t need to go, he’s been there and done that before and not all of it was good.  Dan’s left his mark, done his damage.  But what if he was given the opportunity to present with Hannah Storm.  Now that would be a smoke show.

Could this woman change
Dan's mind about the ESPY's?

Seton gets burned by a celebrity
Chris O’Donnell, most recently of NCIS LA fame, offered a stat of the day to Seton for the show.  Seton ran with it.  The only problem was that the stat was a stat that was used on many other shows the day before.  Had Seton only shared what he planned to do during the morning meeting he could have been spared the embarrassment.  Instead he chose to go with the – dude I’m good approach.  Lesson learned. Was the burn intentional? Is Chris O’Donnell an ESPN operative?

Seton's friend or foe?

Is Dan a selfish lover the way he’s a selfish baller?   
Can he take you all day on the court?  Can he make it all night long?  The answer is nope to both. But he can give you ten minutes of electrifying offense.  Hope he’s a quality scorer in both of those ten minutes. DP, say it isn’t so, that you’re on your way to Viagraville.

T minus 3 to launch of ______

What’s your definition of high manipulation?
Sven in CA called in with five phrases that Jon Gruden said during the Monday Night Football game that made no sense to him.  One of those phrases was High Manipulation.  Fritzy had his own definition that everyone anticipated. Oh pervy Fritzy, I shake my head.

The music beats to only his drum

Sometimes an Ivy League education just isn't enough
There has been more than one occasion that McLovin has spoken a word in a way that almost no one else would pronounce it.  Today was one of those occasions.  The phrase was: double-edged sword.  The word he could not pronounce was sword.  McLovin pronounces the w instead of making it silent.  It was so funny that Dan gagged on his Starbucks yogurt.  This just led to more of what McLovin called Danette on Danette crime when then room filled with laughter.  Between this and all the Jim Parson comments from Dan and the pre-reveal teasing by the other Danettes about the painted hair and not taking a shower for two days in a row was too much for him to handle. There was a short who’s been picked on more lately back and forth between the back row. The front row was described as hard working, lunch pail kind of guys where those words would not be used for the back row. McLovin complained about cliques in the man cave and Dan offered to get together again to talk about this – maybe.  Oh, Dan must be so tired sometimes when he leaves the studio.

Maybe this speaking module can help McLovin

Lupus steals a young life, NFL coach yard sale

The show came to you from the NYC vacation man cave - 

If you’re a former NFL head coach do you hold a yard sale?
Tony dungy doesn’t wear any of his Buccaneers or Colts gear or either of his Super Bowl rings.  Now I can understand not wearing the rings.  They’re big, they’re expensive and not something you’d want on your hand if you were washing the car.  But what about the clothing?  Ok, so you’re an analyst and you want to be objective.  I’m not saying wear it during interviews or while on air but you could still wear it while you’re cleaning your gutters, taking out the trash, lounging around watching pro-bowling or sleeping if you don’t go bare.  At some point his wife is going to say that stuff is taking up too much space in the closet or basement and it’s going to have to go.  Tony, whatever you don’t give to charity to auction off you can send my way.  Thanks – me

I'd look good in this sweet sweater vest

Does Fritzy have a ghostwriter?
Fritzy’s MNF song was good, really good, maybe too good.  Did he get help from his professional writing brother?  When confronted by Dan, he couldn’t produce the script. It was on his brother’s computer.  Hmmm  His brother’s computer.  His brother that lives and works in California and writes for a living computer.  We heard a letter from the brother saying he in no way had anything to do with the MNF song.  Things just aren’t fitting together.  Great MNF song, on brother’s computer, not Fritzy’s…something’s fishy in the aquarium.  Too bad his brother didn’t help Fritzy with today’s mock headlines.

Did an ugly truth about a MNF song come out?

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about USC” Drama
Jim Mora Jr. is still a big thing.  Why is he still a big thing?  Because he’s making a stink over words that came out of his mouth on DP’s show.  Jim you said it.  It was not taken out of context. It was not edited. Go to The Dan Patrick Show website. The full interview is posted for your listening pleasure. After you sit quietly in a dark room and listen to the words coming out of your mouth, take your lumps, don’t be a high school girl - put on your big boy pants, call DP and give him an apology for bad mouthing a Marconi winner. Oh, well.  So Jim won’t be back on the show by his choice.  His loss, not ours.

I.Did.Not.Say.Rat's.Ass Grrrr

McLovin Jealousy and Hair Paint

Who spent time with Dan during the Thanksgiving weekend?  Not McLovin.  Dan and his son and Seton and his son all got together during the long weekend and did what multi-generational males do. Whatever it was, it was the highlight of Dan’s weekend.   Once again there were no pictures. Just like a previous Thanksgiving Dan/Seton get together there was no photographic evidence.  A little odd since Seton is one of the shows Twitter kings. In a move to shift the attention back to him, McLovin will have a painted hair reveal on Wednesday.  The blogger, who truly wants to be a talking hair do, thought his hair paint over the weekend didn’t go so well, had Dan look at it in private and got a two day hat permit.

Mani's, spray tans, paint -
so high maintenance

Fritzy’s Sharp Left Pervy Turn
In some crazy attempt to become relevant in the conversation about McLovin’s hair paint and how the camera shows your flaws - Fritzy contributed:  “TV adds a few inches”, “I’ve had some alone time in the back”, “Sometimes I hang out with the cleaning lady and we play cards”, “That (the groan from the back) was from the person who deals cards when we play strip poker”.  What goes through this man’s head while the show is in progress is amazing sometimes.

Not my idea of a great
strip poker view

Condolences 
To the Kevin McHale family in the loss of Kevin’s daughter, Alexandra “Sasha” McHale, who passed away Saturday at the age of 23 of complications from Lupus.  Kevin is the head coach of the Houston Rockets.  

To learn more about Lupus, please visit www.lupus.org

Who should be king of the pop-a-shot, time to update Frank's look

Here’s something I’m sure will be heard all across America next Thursday: “Will you listen to me for a change?” No need for turkey and stuffing today.  Dan was trying to get Seton to listen to his advice on how to score big on the pop-a-shot as Dan can’t have Fritzy be the best at something.  Heaven forbid.  The confidence boost to Fritzy’s ego would ruin his booker game.

Should Dan let Fritzy be the king of the pop a shot?

Speaking of Fritzy:  Now that The Dan Patrick Show is part of the NBC family, could someone please spend a few bucks and get Fritzy a new outfit for his Monday Night Football song parodies?  Maybe Amy, who helped Dan with his Jimmy Fallon look, could help Fritzy with his Frank Williams Jr. persona.  I know we’re already half way into the season, but please show the brother a little love. 

Well worn but it's time to update "Frank"'s style

Keep the love coming!  The victims of Sandy appreciate and need all they can get.
American Red Cross:
Website:  www.redcross.org 

Text: To donate $10 text REDCROSS to 90999

Phone:  1-800-RED-CROSS (1-800-733-2767)

Mail: American Red Cross, PO Box 4002018, Des Moines, IA 50340-2018 
        Make sure you indicate where you want your funds to go.

In today’s edition of The Dan Patrick Show: The show comes to you from the New York City (NYC) man cave. The traditional theme music is played with different city scenes featuring Dan and the four member entourage named the Danettes. The members of the Danettes will be discussed as time/space occur during the course of the blog. The Monday show is broadcast from a studio it shares with the Nick and Artie Show making travel more convenient for Dan and the Danettes living in the New York area. The studio on Monday morning is brighter than the N&A show and thus viewer friendly in the exploration of what’s new or what’s been moved or changed since the DP show was there last. Today’s addition - pumpkins. What did you notice?

Danettes in the NYC Man Cave
 

In the tease we get a view of the pre-show run down. Today’s view: The subject of overtime etiquette is in progress because of the Jets/Patriots game. Also injected is the effect overtime has in cutting into Football Night In America (FNIA on NBC), which Dan hosts along with colleagues Tony Dungy and Rodney Harrison (in studio with Dan), Bob Costas, Hines Ward (at field commentators), Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth (game night play by play and analysis). How chaotic can it actually be sneaking peaks of the game in progress and waiting for your count down cue to air? I think I could handle it.

Dan, Tony and Rodney - FNIA

In the video open we are reminded of McLovin’s recent non-recognition from a parent at one of his daughter’s sandbox dates. McLovin at times comes off as the show’s diva who at times is tolerated by the rest of the show members until brought back down to earth by something as simple as reminding him that the guy at the sandbox didn’t really care he was on television. Would it bother you if you were on TV and not recognized? For me it would depend on if I was alone, with family, with someone I wanted to impress and what activity I was doing. No one really wants to be interrupted while they’re eating or going to the bathroom do they? This was something McLovin encountered at the Michigan/Michigan State game.

In the audio open we are given a compilation of Warren Sapp, NFL Network, telling Dan to touch his nose mixed with various sound effects, and bits and pieces from previous interviews worked into a hook that keeps you listening while the members of the broadcast are introduced: "The Boss" – Dan Patrick, Paul "Paulie" Pabst, Patrick "Seton" O’Connor, Todd "Fritzy" Fritz and Andrew "McLovin" Perloff.

Whoops!  On Friday, via Twitter, Paulie and The Box Score host, Casey Geraghty, both broke news that The Dan Patrick Show and the wrap up show, The Box Score were both going to be broadcast on the NBC Sports Network as an additional TV partner to the show. This big news was not ready for official press release and thus Paulie was given a gentle verbal reprimand that the news was only to be teased, not told a couple of times during the show. Dan learned of the tweets from a phone call from a higher up (NBC perhaps) and then needed to pull the reigns on the galloping horses running away from the barn. As Paulie says, the I Team is always on it. Would you have spilled the beans early? Oh so tempting to share great news.

The poll of the day, probably to be repeated on one of the Mothership’s (ESPN) television or radio shows asked: If you could only go to one event, front row seats, which would it be: Game 7 MLB Cardinals/Giants, the Monday night NFL game Lions/Bears, or the Presidential Debate. McLovin, usually the contrairian, chose debate while the others, although tempted by the NFL game chose game 7. What would be your choice? If it was game 7 with my team, game 7. The verbal back and forth that doesn’t make a difference on my vote, I’ll pass. By process of elimination, that puts me at the Lions/Bears game. Hopefully with enough things to keep me warm in an outside stadium at night in Chicago in October.

Other non-sports highlights:

• While playing shuffleboard during a look in before resuming the show simulcast, Dan comments to Seton that he appears hung over even though he hadn’t been drinking and that Seton’s son seemed "soft" like his father where his wife was tough like a bad ass. Seton agreed he was soft but his son was a bad ass like his wife. I would be the bad ass in my family, you?
• In another look in Dan comments on the toughness of Paulie’s oldest daughter in the questions she asks. At home, one of Dan’s daughters school project is to test 100 cats to tell the difference between left and right pawed cats, which Seton feels she’s a genius. The poll question origination/credit is also discussed, as McLovin loves to take credit for the good ones and blames others for the lame ones. This is a recurring item on the show
• Seton plans to pay off his ALCS bet next week in time for the debut on the additional TV partner. He’ll be cutting his hair like Whitey Herzog, once he figures out who that is, wear tiger face paint with tiger costume and sing eye of the tiger karaoke style as his Yankees did not win game 4 as predicted.
• Fritzy’s in "The Box" consisted of a little background information on the Frank Williams Monday Night Football theme he does each week and the condition of the cowboy outfit he wears on Monday. Made me wonder when it was washed last and how it smelled. Eeewww! The MNF bit is a combination of in studio and New York City shots featuring Fritzy, done by Casey. Coming out of the box we discovered that Dan’s bag handle broke while Fritzy was carrying in his bag and that he planned to blame it on McLovin anyway.

Fritzy in his MNF outfit

• Dan spoke briefly of growing up listening to radio broadcasters as a kid and how they become your friend with the magic of their voice and how they became someone you trusted and believed in. This is something that stays with Dan when he speaks in genuine appreciation of his viewers/listeners. Something I’m sure he became more aware of after leaving the Mothership. Praise was also shown to Fritzy for his ability to do mock headlines on short notice when a listener/viewer, Sven, called in again to share mock headlines that he had created. It should be noted that Fritzy, like Paulie and Seton left the Mothership to join Dan when he left to create his own radio show.
• We learned DP Show regular, Tony Dungy spoke with both presidential candidates asking them to keep the effects of family in mind when making legislative decisions.

Tony Dungy visits the NYC Man Cave

• We were reminded of hospital etiquette: Don’t say how great what you did is away from the hospital was to a patient, such as going to the movie Argo, and don’t bring food up to the room that the patient can’t eat. Fritzy recently had another lengthy visit in the hospital. When he has health issues it really makes you feel for the guy. Viewers sent cards, email, Facebook messages and tweets when he’s been away due to illnesses (digestive issues a couple of times and kidney stones).  Sadly, I did that when a family member was hospitalized.  Ooops!  You?
• We were also treated to a ping pong match between Dan and Seton where Dan was dominating until his back was up against the wall and he nailed McLovin with a ball outside the line of play. 

Here’s an additional show nugget: The Directv promos for the show are worth the watch. Shot with humor and surprisingly well acted by Dan and the Danettes make commercial breaks more enjoyable. Today’s promo: The Angry Chair. So true.