Tales from South Beach, Hanging Off Emmy and More

Tales from South Beach

Look! I played ball too!

Dan saw Jesse Palmer of Bachelor and Florida football fame. Women would just approach him and ask to take a picture with him because they loved him on the Bachelor not knowing or caring that he was once hot in the college ranks as well. Pop culture.

Oh! Greg! There you are!

Dan didn’t realize it at first, but he ran across Greg McElroy from the Jets. He told McElroy if he had turned around and laid on his back, as if he had been sacked, Dan would have recognized him sooner. Greg didn’t think it was that funny. Come on man, loosen up!

Situation Not. Good.

Needing to be shady and not another type of shady at the same time, Dan was faced with a beach decision. As Dan was returning from his walk on the beach, he ran across a group of topless women and a couple of guys sun bathing. Dan could not look, only glance, as he didn’t have his sunglasses. One of the guys was putting lotion on his girlfriend’s back and recognized Dan. He invited Dan to finish applying the lotion. Dan declined the offer as well as the offer to have a beer with them. Nothing good would have come of either of those exchanges. Surely TMZ, Radar Online or Dead Spin would have caught either participation. In the words of Brady Hoke from Michigan, "Not. Good."

Who's Brent spotting now?

What does everyone agree was missing from Brent Musburger’s creepy, old guy description of AJ McCarren’s girlfriend, who was sitting in the stands watching the game? One of Fritzy’s hug moans – "Hmmm."









Silent Voices from the Past  

Facebook finds the interior crack

It’s been 30 years and Dan still talks about the one that got away, Jenny Bashee. So who sends him a Facebook friend request during the first segment of the show. You guessed it. What’s her motivation for opening old wounds? Who knows? She put our man Dan in a tailspin during the break - crossing his arms in defense, looking down at the floor, pacing, and seeking Danette advice. Fortunately, Dan’s a pro, he was able to make a valiant come back and move on once he was back behind the mic. Woman, unless your hair was on fire, you were tied to a chair and Dan was the only one on earth, you don’t 
contact Dan with this type of stuff while 
he’s on the air!


                Top Elephant

Twitter brings the mock headlines
Bama's elephant brought the crush

There was no way there were not going to be great mock headlines generated by the BCS Championship game. But who would provide the best? Random tweets Paulie took last night? Sven in Ca? Fritzy? The best headlines came from the random tweets that Paulie took last night. Watch out! New kids in town!




Hanging Off Emmy  

Kevin's mug

New item in the man cave today now hanging from the Emmy on the turnstile as part of Dan’s desk – an autographed coffee mug Brian Baumgartner sent that looks like him.  It came off of his desk that was on the set of The Office.  

Yep, still smelly

Earlier on, Dan received Jack Taylor’s record breaking, game worn socks.

Only Paulie and Seton (sort of) know

Paulie’s working on another item for the man cave but can’t talk about it right now.  There has been a lot of jumping through hoops and going through many channels of approval.  We’re about 90% there, Paulie reports.  Dan doesn’t know what it is or who it’s coming from and tried to get a hint by asking what sport it’s coming from.  Being the great producer, Paulie wouldn’t budge.  Seton was told, but of course, doesn’t remember.

                No Emmy Here 

McLovin got his acting inspiration from
"Erica Kane" circa 1980's

Although there was lots of drama, McLovin will not be getting an Emmy for his performance in and out of the box. Maybe he’ll be able to get an additional Awful Announcing award for hamming it. "Poor me", coughing, changing his voice, collapsing on the floor as he reached for the door knob, crawling out of the box to towards the bar, grabbing the leg of a bar stool and toppling it on top of him. Susan Lucci would be proud. Even McLovin admitted he took it too far.

Who’s in Nick’s Head? 

Nick's on his way to Hotel California

Nick Saban, Head Coach from Alabama, has plans. Plans to finish recruiting loose ends and then head to the lake and play air guitar. Off his iPad he’ll be playing along with the 70’s and 80’s guitar heroes of Clapton, Who, Stones, Zeppelin and Hootie and the Blowfish. Yes, Hootie, rock icon. Even Darius Rucker would back off of that description. For what it’s worth, he’s also partials to the Eagles… band.


　

　

　

　

Photo-bombing Dan, Rush to Error, Up High!

McLovin Does It Again

Congratulations McLovin! Awful Announcing named McLovin’s Harlem Globetrotter ball spin on the finger, in the box, where he knocked off and broke his glasses then reached for them on his face like they were still there as their number ten of twelve Awful Announcing’s Top Twelve Bloopers of 2012. Keep up the good work Andy! Footnote: McLovin tried to recreate the moment in celebration of the recognition by AA and was unable make it happen. Par for course. Try to do something and can’t, try not to do something and do.

Did it one, did it twice (in NYC), third time not a charm
www.awfulannouncing.com/2012-articles/december/top-12-announcing-bloopers-of-2012.html

Up High!

If Adrian Petersen, from the Minnesota Vikings, reaches out to shake your hand you may want to think twice, no matter who you are. Adrian is becoming known for his hand crushing handshakes, just ask John Lynch’s ten year old son. Show no mercy no matter what. Go up high, go for knucks or risk your metacarpals.

Goin' up high and with knucks

Rush to Error
Dan has been an enormous fan of the band Rush for many, many years. Something he’s had wrong all this time is the pronunciation of the drummer’s last name. He received a gift for the man cave, a pair of beat up drum sticks that were given to a fan of the band, who is also a fan of the show, by one of the band’s techs. With the drumsticks came a note explaining that the name of the drummer is not pronounced Pert like the shampoo, but Peert like there is an ear sound between the P and the T. As hard as Dan tried, he just couldn’t get it right after saying it wrong for so long. Dan didn’t say either of the ways above. He was now saying Peart like the fruit with a T. Oh, Dan. So much for your chances of getting the NSSA Sportscaster of the Year this year.

Not the shampoo

Sounds Like Cereal
Sven in CA called in with his Grudenisms which really only one fit the category: Bunch crunch toss play. Can’t you see it? You pour from the open box this funky bunch of nuts and flakes coated in goo. Slop on the milk. Toss it with your spoon. Play with the masses trying to soften it up so it won’t break your teeth. Finally, put a spoonful in your mouth and bite down making a large, long crunch noise. Yep, that’s where Gruden got that line.

Bunch crunch toss play

Caller You’re On The Air

If there were awards for the fans that call into the show, who would receive them this year? Shae in Irving would receive the Come Back Caller of the Year after a lengthy absence from the show and then coming back in 2012 with each call he made sharper, snarkier and funnier than ever. Congratulations Will Ferrell, ahhh, I mean Shae! The Caller of the Year, make that years, is Chris in Syracuse who had called each and every day, even when there were guest hosts, as well as to The Box Score until circumstances beyond his control have kept him away. Congratulations Chris and We Miss You! Shae and Chris, your awards are in the mail. No, not really, that wasn’t true, but congratulations anyway!

Caller, you're on the air

Photo-bombing Dan  
If you had watched the movie, That’s My Boy, with Adam Sandler, Dan and yes, the Danettes, you may have noticed that Paulie was the most prominent of the Danettes. So what was his secret? His boyish good looks? His natural ability to convey a message without saying a word? Crazy acting chops? No way! It’s his ability to stand close and sway from side to side of Dan during Dan’s camera shots. So crafty, so Paulie.

Dan channeling John Laroquette
backed by the Danettes, Paulie at his side 

Cringe-worthy DP Interviews, Baby Baby Baby Oh & More

Cringe-worthy DP Past Interviews
Tanya Harding at a hockey game where she was doing exhibition boxing after she said she had found religion. DP asked her about the Nancy Kerrigan incident and would someone who had found religion have their friend hit someone in the leg. Next thing Dan knew, he was dealing with her agent Paul wanting to know what was going on. Just an interview Paul, just an interview.

Paul !

Whitey Herzog had a book coming out and one of the bullet points the publisher had given them was about the Cardinals cocaine scandal in the ‘80’s. A mention of that time was in the forward of the book and in a press release as well. When Dan questioned him about that time in the ball club, Whitey said he didn’t feel like talking about it, said good bye and hung up the phone. 

Click !

OJ Simpson after the trial for the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Dan wanted to do the ESPN TV interview about college football because USC was in the Orange bowl in Miami. OJ wanted to talk about the trial, but Dan wanted to talk college ball. They had to stop taping because the cameraman needed to change tape, which took about four minutes. When the camera was being reset OJ said: "You think I did it?" "Did what?" Dan replied. OJ: "Killed those two people." "Yes" was Dan’s answer. There had been long, awkward silences between each exchange. After Dan gave his answer the cameraman announced "Ok, were ready to start rolling!" During the interview Dan found himself leaning all the way back in the chair in a defensive position and after the interview was over, wanting to take a shower.

Domestic Violence Assistance www.nicolebrown.org

The foundation provides grants for multiple organizations and programs that provide resources to victims and survivors of violent crimes.  www.rongoldmanfoundation.org

Willie Mays during Giants spring training in Scottsdale, AZ would not make eye contact with Dan the entire time of the interview because it was during the time of the Barry Bonds scandal.

What's that over there?

Sammy Sosa Dan was relaxing at an A’s game, t shirt, shorts, beer in hand, when he got message he had to go interview Sosa. He had to go buy a suit and change in a garage. The interview was going well until the subject of PEDs came up and then the mood changed. The interview was over, Sammy got up and left without saying goodbye, went in the back and was airing out a PR person. It was like when all hell breaks loose in a Maury show. Dan and crew were left alone, no one came back, and finally they just left on they’re own yelling goodbye as they walked out the door. 

Sammy SoSad

SOTD Leads to Wheel of PunishmentSeton tried to wing it for Stat of the Day instead of reading information he scripted. What was the result? He got lost in his information and when he looked down for help it was a blur of names and numbers. So what do you do when you’re panicking on live television? Cough. Cough like you have a cold and this is your worse day. Seton hits the cough button, then the Fritzy clear your throat song, to try to buy time and work things out without success so…. back to coughing. Dan, not realizing that his boy was screwing up, thought he was actually having body function problems and offered to have someone else do the SOTD segment as they were going to top of the hour break. McLovin was scheduled to do the box at the top of the second hour but Seton called an audible and went in instead which left everyone wondering what was going on. He left the box saying he needed to redeem himself and told Dan he wanted to do the segment again, then later telling him what really happened. Seton knew McLovin was just eating all of this up, especially when Dan said Seton wasn’t a team player for trying to go it alone when he was sick. Soon he would find out Seton wasn’t a team player because he wasn’t as prepared as he needed to be. If Seton didn’t redeem himself, no coughing, make sure he hit the post and didn’t get lost in his info, he would have to spin a wheel of punishment that the BRG was making as they spoke. Seton came through and delivered, but the content of the SOTD was weak so Dan called an audible and Seton had to spin his impromptu wheel of punishment. He got off easy. Just one dodge ball from each of the other Danettes, Two-a-Days filled in for Fritzy who was frantically looking for John Elway on the phone. All three throws were weak and Seton laughed through the ball hits. Weak punishment.

That looks about accurate

Baby, Baby, Baby Oh!Fritzy finally came through and wore the Justin Bieber wig. He started out with the swoop to the side straight out of the bag with the tag still on and doing dance moves. By the end of the show it had a part in the bangs. There was comment that he looked like a Lego man, which he wouldn’t mind if he could add pieces to himself – TMI. Another said he looked like a young John Elway from his Stanford days, which Fritzy didn’t mind that either. By the end of the day Fritzy admitted he didn’t understand why he initially put up such a fuss over wearing the wig in the first place because it wasn’t that bad.

Hubba Hubba Ladies!

COTWThis week's Cougar of the Week – fellow sports person, Pam Oliver of Fox Sports.

Pam's a Fox not a Cougar!

ATG AcknowledgedIt was learned via Twitter that Against the Grain made Awful Announcing’s Top 10 Favorite Clips of 2012 honoring McLovin’s Mini Helmet ATG segment. Congratulations McLovin and The Dan Patrick Show! May many more accidentally, hilarious moments come to you, and us, in 2013.

http://www.awfulannouncing.com/2012-articles/december/aa-s-top-10-clips-of-2012.html

Even if you’ve seen it before, it’s worth seeing again and again.