Givin' 'n Gettin', Be Like Gronk

Givin’ 'n Gettin’ 

Pawn in a vicious game of words

Dan didn’t start out at his best today, reportedly because of the meds he’s taking pre-surgery.  Picking up on the weakness and Dan’s fear of the upcoming surgery, Fritzy decided today would be a good day to pick on the boss and dig, dig, dig.  When Dan started to push back and the front row, Seton and Paulie, joined in, Fritzy decided things had gone too far and went from being a mean Danette, back to the big baby Danette. Fritzy made a final move by delivering a hurtful slice in answering the phone when Joe Montana called in.  It was decided long ago that when Paulie’s living football hero called in, he would be answering the phone so he could say a few words to him before Joe went on the air.  Fritzy knew what this meant to Paulie and when the phone rang, Fritzy who normally has to be told to answer the phone, jumped on it beating Paulie.  The reaction to the move was explosive and comical, especially if you were able to see the responses.  Fritzy’s move was done on purpose but with regret.  Could it be because revenge is a dish served cold and Paulie will be all over the phones the next time John Elway, Fritzy’s living football idol, is scheduled to call in?

Be Like Gronk 

Gronk likes to put on a show
Do the Dan and the Danettes?

Rob Gronkowski may have been holding back when he appeared on the show last Thursday in New Orleans, but he was back to his normal self when he was partying with friends in Las Vegas. Dancing sans shirt on stage with a couple of wrestling moves thrown in brought Dan down memory lane and he took a few of the Danettes with him with stories of shirts and no shirts.  

Danny gotta dance to Hootie

Dan was dancing shirtless in Glaskow, Scotland when he joined Hootie and the Blowfish when they were on tour long ago.  The drummer would perform shirtless and Dan always stayed within eyeshot of the stage.  It was blazing hot in the club so he took off his shirt while he was dancing.  He described his dancing as the Dougie but the Danny and creepy.  This left a lasting memory for Darius Rucker, the lead singer, and years later when he visited the Milford man cave he sang a song that included lyrics about the shirtless, dancing Dan.  

Buzzzz

Dan was also at an after Sports Center gathering of about nine guys years ago listening to RHCP where he was the viewer of a butt shaving.  Too much beer, too late the hour, too much time. Oh the things we missed learning about pre-smart phones, TMZ and social media!

Fashion swimwear

Seton during his seven year heavy party period during a good day of cups took off his shirt and put on his friend’s grandmother’s moo moo and later ended up in the koi pond. 

Any man would show what
he could for a camp
counselor like this

Fritzy recalled removing his shirt, strutting his stuff and showing off to senior counselors when he was a camp counselor in training. His back row partner, McLovin, had nothing to contribute, as usual.


It should be noted that when Dan asked this morning if any of the Danettes in their current condition would remove their shirt to dance if a persuasive female asked them to do so.  Seton and McLovin were a resounding no, Paulie would, and girdle, surgical scars and all, Fritzy would as well.  Pass on the last.

Sweet sweater vest!
Wanta trade?

Back to Paulie.  He wasn’t going to offer up any stories but Dan did for him.  A story that Paulie had forgotten about and had also forgotten that he had once told Dan.  At a frat party at Ole Miss, a girl that was wearing a T-shirt and sweater vest liked the T-shirt and sweater vest Paulie was wearing so they exchanged tops and then danced together. Oh young lust. 

Keep Your Hands to Yourself, McTe'o ?, Can't Let Go & More

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Big brother is watching

Just as Elway’s framed jersey has taken abuse, so has Fergie’s bust. It’s one thing to think about doing something, like Seton did, it’s another thing to do it like Fritzy and McLovin. Yes, poor Fergie’s bust has been felt up by McLovin at least once, and most likely numerous times by Fritzy. Dan says the bust is something to be viewed and admired, Fritzy feels it’s something that you should touch. Dan tried to clean off the fingerprints with the sleeve of his pull over but had to leave the fingerprints where Fergie had written her dedication for fear that he would wipe off the ink. Are all the cameras turned off after the show is done? Maybe having a motion sensor security camera or two would be a good addition to the man cave for after hours or the wee hours of the morning.

Fritzy Double Loser 

From the past crazy town days

Part One: During his call, Mark in MI, gave a Manti Te’o mock headline. Fritzy tried to top it with his own that he had prepared. Let’s say they just weren’t that good. For that, Fritzy lost the opportunity to do COTW and McLovin had to go in the box to fill in. DP is rarely likes women with short hair and this cougar did not make the exception to his rule. The cougar chosen was Anne Heche. Remember that hot mess of craziness?

Yes he wore this
Yes he said that

While in the box, McLovin revealed that he was wearing a LiveStrong t-shirt under his zippered jacket and said: "Lance is back, it’s just a matter of time." Don’t know about that. Coming out of the box, McLovin revealed the shirt to the Danettes as well. Not sure if they were sincere or not but they wondered if McLovin had been working out, told him that he looked pretty ripped in that shirt, asked if he was wearing a medium… something isn’t quite right here. Maybe a future set up?

He who enjoys & thanks himself
is a man who insults his wife

Part Two: Fans v Fritzy – It was ugly. Todd had not only his brother behind him but now his wife as well. Sexual references always work on the show and there were a few that met that mark. In Lance Armstrong fashion, Fritzy even tried to cheat, but was caught using a headline that was already done by the fans. A scoring penalty ensued but it didn’t matter. Even without the penalty, the fans had it in the bag: fans 10, Fritzy 5. Fritzy’s said his wife better have her A game on tonight as he’s going to need to be consoled. If she was listening to the show and heard the way he said that, ain’t no way. Chinese and Cinemax for Fritzy.



McTe’o ?

McLovin's Mysterious Mindy

Our own McLovin boosted his love life stats sometime during the18 – 22 years of age range with what he now claims was his own imaginary girlfriend. Name: Mindy Location: Ontario. Dan did see a picture of a woman McLovin said was Mindy from Ontario, but was she who he said she was? Supposedly she was the love of his life before his wife but she couldn’t cross the border and didn’t have a green card??? What else has McLovin told us that isn’t true? Did he go to Dartmouth? Does he know Brooklyn Decker and Andy Rodick? Does he live in a one-bedroom apartment with a wife and two daughters? Does he own hats that aren’t promotional? Just more of the McLovin mystery.








An F is an A, a D is a B

Typical Danette Report Card

Did you ever alter a grade on a report card before it made it to your parents? You’re not alone if you did. Paulie did, but got caught because a follow up report card that was sent in the mail. McLovin and DP both changed grades. Thanks to DP's older and more troublesome brothers, Mike and Bill, he didn’t get in trouble. Fritzy’s worse school sin was plagiarizing a limerick in the 4^th grade that was published in the school newsletter, which he later had to come clean. Which is worse, a grade change or a 4^th grader copying a limerick for a contest?










       

       Can’t Let Go

Could it be that Rich is
mad because Dan has
hair?

Rich Eisen is a good dad and a sensitive guy. His son, five year old Zander, came on at the end of the interview to say hi to Uncle Dan and give a shout out to his friends, Cara and Penelope. According to Rich, these are real friends, not imaginary, cat-fished friends. Rich was fine with letting go of his son so he could go to school but Rich can not let go of something that happened with the show. One day, way back in 2009, Rich was bumped from coming on the air for Dan Bickley from the Arizona Republic. Cut the cord to this event Rich, cut the cord.




Going Against His Own Grain   

Yep, that's DP's logo
on the label

When the morning started, McLovin was still standing by his picks of September 5^th: Ravens and Niners for the Super Bowl. Today during his Against the Grain segment everything changed. He’s now picking the Patriots, Seton’s favorite team, and the Falcons, or as McLovin pronounces it Valcons. He called an Audible, an Audible Ale-teration.











No Dan Alert

Yeah, he's ok to play

Dan is having surgery on his shoulder the Friday after the Super Bowl. Don’t worry though, although he will not be able to be in studio, he’s still been cleared to play for the Red Skins. 














Arcade Fire Tribute

The tribute went out to long time audience member, Tilly in Bloomington. If you follow Tilly on Twitter, @BigLiciousT you know that yesterday he lost his 7 ½ year old yellow lab, Harley, to cancer. 

Tilly's Harley

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....  Author unknown...

Cringe-worthy DP Interviews, Baby Baby Baby Oh & More

Cringe-worthy DP Past Interviews
Tanya Harding at a hockey game where she was doing exhibition boxing after she said she had found religion. DP asked her about the Nancy Kerrigan incident and would someone who had found religion have their friend hit someone in the leg. Next thing Dan knew, he was dealing with her agent Paul wanting to know what was going on. Just an interview Paul, just an interview.

Paul !

Whitey Herzog had a book coming out and one of the bullet points the publisher had given them was about the Cardinals cocaine scandal in the ‘80’s. A mention of that time was in the forward of the book and in a press release as well. When Dan questioned him about that time in the ball club, Whitey said he didn’t feel like talking about it, said good bye and hung up the phone. 

Click !

OJ Simpson after the trial for the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Dan wanted to do the ESPN TV interview about college football because USC was in the Orange bowl in Miami. OJ wanted to talk about the trial, but Dan wanted to talk college ball. They had to stop taping because the cameraman needed to change tape, which took about four minutes. When the camera was being reset OJ said: "You think I did it?" "Did what?" Dan replied. OJ: "Killed those two people." "Yes" was Dan’s answer. There had been long, awkward silences between each exchange. After Dan gave his answer the cameraman announced "Ok, were ready to start rolling!" During the interview Dan found himself leaning all the way back in the chair in a defensive position and after the interview was over, wanting to take a shower.

Domestic Violence Assistance www.nicolebrown.org

The foundation provides grants for multiple organizations and programs that provide resources to victims and survivors of violent crimes.  www.rongoldmanfoundation.org

Willie Mays during Giants spring training in Scottsdale, AZ would not make eye contact with Dan the entire time of the interview because it was during the time of the Barry Bonds scandal.

What's that over there?

Sammy Sosa Dan was relaxing at an A’s game, t shirt, shorts, beer in hand, when he got message he had to go interview Sosa. He had to go buy a suit and change in a garage. The interview was going well until the subject of PEDs came up and then the mood changed. The interview was over, Sammy got up and left without saying goodbye, went in the back and was airing out a PR person. It was like when all hell breaks loose in a Maury show. Dan and crew were left alone, no one came back, and finally they just left on they’re own yelling goodbye as they walked out the door. 

Sammy SoSad

SOTD Leads to Wheel of PunishmentSeton tried to wing it for Stat of the Day instead of reading information he scripted. What was the result? He got lost in his information and when he looked down for help it was a blur of names and numbers. So what do you do when you’re panicking on live television? Cough. Cough like you have a cold and this is your worse day. Seton hits the cough button, then the Fritzy clear your throat song, to try to buy time and work things out without success so…. back to coughing. Dan, not realizing that his boy was screwing up, thought he was actually having body function problems and offered to have someone else do the SOTD segment as they were going to top of the hour break. McLovin was scheduled to do the box at the top of the second hour but Seton called an audible and went in instead which left everyone wondering what was going on. He left the box saying he needed to redeem himself and told Dan he wanted to do the segment again, then later telling him what really happened. Seton knew McLovin was just eating all of this up, especially when Dan said Seton wasn’t a team player for trying to go it alone when he was sick. Soon he would find out Seton wasn’t a team player because he wasn’t as prepared as he needed to be. If Seton didn’t redeem himself, no coughing, make sure he hit the post and didn’t get lost in his info, he would have to spin a wheel of punishment that the BRG was making as they spoke. Seton came through and delivered, but the content of the SOTD was weak so Dan called an audible and Seton had to spin his impromptu wheel of punishment. He got off easy. Just one dodge ball from each of the other Danettes, Two-a-Days filled in for Fritzy who was frantically looking for John Elway on the phone. All three throws were weak and Seton laughed through the ball hits. Weak punishment.

That looks about accurate

Baby, Baby, Baby Oh!Fritzy finally came through and wore the Justin Bieber wig. He started out with the swoop to the side straight out of the bag with the tag still on and doing dance moves. By the end of the show it had a part in the bangs. There was comment that he looked like a Lego man, which he wouldn’t mind if he could add pieces to himself – TMI. Another said he looked like a young John Elway from his Stanford days, which Fritzy didn’t mind that either. By the end of the day Fritzy admitted he didn’t understand why he initially put up such a fuss over wearing the wig in the first place because it wasn’t that bad.

Hubba Hubba Ladies!

COTWThis week's Cougar of the Week – fellow sports person, Pam Oliver of Fox Sports.

Pam's a Fox not a Cougar!

ATG AcknowledgedIt was learned via Twitter that Against the Grain made Awful Announcing’s Top 10 Favorite Clips of 2012 honoring McLovin’s Mini Helmet ATG segment. Congratulations McLovin and The Dan Patrick Show! May many more accidentally, hilarious moments come to you, and us, in 2013.

http://www.awfulannouncing.com/2012-articles/december/aa-s-top-10-clips-of-2012.html

Even if you’ve seen it before, it’s worth seeing again and again.

Random Adam Sandler, Creepy Yet Flattering, & More

Random Adam Sandler
How was it that Adam Sandler had a soundless guitar at the 121212 Concert? A trap door closed on top of his guitar cord, so no sound. Although he’s a Knicks fan, because he lives in LA he’ll be seen at those games more likely and either on or near the floor or up in his agency’s suite eating chicken. Kobe indicated in an interview with Dan that he’d like to be in a Sandler movie. Sandler was up for that. The next role for Dan will be in a Sandler western themed movie wearing cowboy gear head to toe including what sounds like ass chaps and a possible love interest. Script to be in Dan’s hands in about two weeks. Sandler guaranteed he’ll be a cool, funny cowboy that’s solid and more manly than Dan’s role in Grown Ups 2. There was no talk of parts for the Danettes. They were given one shot to prove themselves in That’s My Boy and they must not have gotten it done. No background extras, no ranch hands, no little buckaroos, no Danettes. Sounds like the closest they’ll get now is a possible invite to the next NYC premier whenever that happens. The Danettes were one and done like a Kentucky freshman basketball player.

Limited Danette Love

Happy Friday Fritzy
John Elway will be calling in tomorrow and Fritzy will be additionally nervous and jumping to answer the phone. He may stumble on his words a bit, but who wouldn’t after getting a chance to speak to one of their sports idols. If this were Joe Montana or David Beckham calling in, it would be Paulie doing the same thing.

Will John's smile be as wide after Fritzy answers the phone? 

Naughty Not Nice
While looking at more ornaments that came in, in the back room, Seton noticed that someone sent in one of his favorite treats, boxes of TastyKakes. There was one box that was opened, and TastyKakes were missing. The finger was pointed at Wild Bill, one of the cameramen, but he may not have been the culprit. Which BRG, back room guy, or Danette just couldn’t wait to fulfill the need of their sweet tooth? That’s yet to be learned. Just another man cave mystery. Dan and the boys found themselves coming back from break when they were still in the back room. Everyone was scrambling to get back. Dan was stuck behind Fritzy who was not moving as quickly as others were and received a "Let’s go! Move your fat ass!" from Dan as a motivator.

Has Seton introduced his son to these delights? 
Betcha he did!

Seeking Heat Seeking Missile
The Seton/DP favorite yellow football is still missing. The focus shifted to Paulie today who denied knowing where the football was. The intensity of questions from DP picked up after Paulie made a remark about not being able to catch the ball normally. Fritzy chimed in that he never saw Paulie play with it. Paulie said after the questioning he felt like Tommy Tuberville did after he was peppered with questions from Dan about college coaches not finishing out their contracts when those same coaches preach that the program is all about the kids. Something to keep in mind, Paulie never directly answered Dan’s questions. The yellow football mystery continues as well. While Seton was taking a quick look around the front of the desk area he a Paulie share, he pulled out a black sombrero that has a back story that couldn’t be talked about. Hmmm, saying there’s something that can’t be talked about means they need to talk about this. We can only hope it will be sometime soon.

What dark secret does this hat hold?

TMS
You’ve heard of TMI, today the BRG (back room guys) had TMS, too much sound. The sound of Dan using the bathroom was most likely not desired. Better to hear Dan than when Fritzy is in here.

Add no mic to the sign please, 
Thank you - BRG

Fritzy’s Joy
Nothing was more satisfying for Fritzy today, when he was having a mediocre day, than someone else trying to do what he does, without success. Sven in CA called in with his mock headlines and struggled big time. Chanukah joy for Fritzy.

If Fritzy could, he would 

They Remembered Me!
Dan let us know that he got a Christmas card from someone at the Mothership. He wouldn’t say who because they’re all on scholarships there. Wonder how Seton’s doing on his occupy ESPN Christmas tree project.

There were wishes of holiday happiness from an  ESPN person to DP 

Creepy, Yet Flattering
An ornament grouping that came in from CA was revealed today. Dan’s head was on the star for the top of the tree. Each Danette head was covering the face of four different SI swimsuit models from the wall of morale. For the Danette’s, the new images are etched in their minds and they’ll never look at the wall of morale quite the same.

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