Ridin' High Falling Forward, Dan Loves LA, Swag Scammers

Swag Scammers 

Jerry West in top form

It was an easy Valentines Day for Seton and Paulie as they achieved their goals of taking home the ProFlowers.com promotional flowers in the man cave for their wives.  Not that they fessed up right away and used semantics to their advantage, but eventually the truth came out. Fritzy had a good scam as well by scoring a NBA all-star jersey for himself when Dan was getting his. Fritzy didn’t include the other Danettes in the deal but then again the man cave isn’t always share and share alike.  Fritzy folded like a cheap chair when Dan confronted him. He’s not as quick on his feet as the front row when it comes to camouflage.  Dan’s all star tribute jersey to Jerry West was added to the man cave today – the west all star team, Jerry’s number, 44, with the Laker’s logo but Dan’s name on the back.


Ridin’ High, Falling Forward

Did Lopez look like this after
McLovin's one-two punch?

McLovin was basking in glory for a short period of time today when he delivered two spanking one liners against Brook Lopez from the Brooklyn Nets.  It must be that tough Dartmouth/Stanford rivalry. Also, it’s easy to be a big man from the other side of the mic.  Then McLovin has to try to show off his athleticism and husbandry skills.  He tried to jump over the top of a 1/64th die cast car to dunk a basketball and ended up stepping on the car, scratching it and then landed against the new ball rack, breaking it.  Finally, trying to be a good husband by staying home instead of going to LA for the B-Dubs meet and greet he told his wife’s age on national radio/TV.  Typical McLovin smoothness. 

Dan Loves LA 

Ok, this isn’t exactly LA, it may be Huntington Beach.  If you’re in the area and you’re a DP fan, you have to stop by Saturday, February 23rd 11:00 – 1:00 Huntington Beach Buffalo Wild Wings, 7811 Edinger Avenue. Meet and Greet with Dan, Paulie, Seton and Fritzy.  Don’t know about Casey or Two-a-Days, sorry.  No McLovin, his wife’s birthday party is next weekend.  

Shifting Gears 

Will DP ever see the tunnel like I
will soon?

There will not be any updates to the blog for a bit.  On my way to Daytona for Speed Week. Too bad the show doesn’t have much interest in the second largest sport in the U.S. other than having the 500 winner, the season champion, and the popularity machine of Jr. and/or Danica.  Not like there weren’t any stories that happened during the ten months of the season or off-season 2012/2013. The surprise of 2012 was when there was the bonus of Denny Hamlin when he initiated the visits himself. Still love the show, just wish Dan would open his mind to more than the stick and ball sports he can find time to talk about 779 of the 780 hours of the show per year.  Borrowing words from Bonnie Bernstein from a totally different subject: Evolve. Accept. Embrace. Enough of the rant, track bound.

Is it all an act?, Under the top, Don't touch me!, Down goes Fritzy

Down Goes Fritzy

It may be the day of love, but there was no love for Fritzy in the man cave today. The other Danettes took over valentine related sports words, his mock headlines were atrocious, he couldn’t even get his poll question suggestions all the way out of his mouth before getting shot down. If Fritzy wasn’t sexually frustrated by the end of the day by the events of the last three days……….…watch out Mrs. Fritz! 

Don’t Touch Me! 

If you resemble this, you have a
pretty good shot at getting a hug

Dan and the Danettes seem to have attributes similar to fish: Scaly and slimy, big eyes with opened mouths and sadly, cold to the touch. Hug, forget it unless you’re a drop dead gorgeous woman. Hand shake, no thank you unless you’re a celebrity and insist, knucks are preferred, sort of. High fives, rarely if you’re in the front row only, or a celebrity they don’t want to offend. But if they’ve tipped a few, you’re chances will increase. So here’s some advice: Unless you are a top specimen of the female form, and you would like some type of physical contact with Dan or a Danette, either catch them after they have consumed a quantity of adult beverages or ply them with such beverages and after a suitable amount of time and consumption, then attempt contact. Do not attempt unless the above apply.

Is it all an act?

As the show was coming back from its second break, you could hear Seton say the words: "a character I play." That got some thoughts rolling. Are Dan and the Danettes all characters that are being played out five days a week on the radio/TV? Dan Patrick isn’t Dan’s real name. Are Paul Pabst, Patrick O’Conner, Todd Fritz and Andrew Perloff their real names? Are they really the way they seem? Could you really drink as much/often as Seton and hold a technical position on morning radio/TV? Could you really be as needy and insecure as Fritzy and still be able to book guests as well as he does? Does McLovin really watch that little sports and that much TV and movies that target a female audience? Could Paulie really love soccer that much? Does Dan really think that the group he has assembled can operate at perfection? Are they real or are they parts each person plays? Just wonderin’.

Under the Top 

Are you a beer drinker? If not a beer drinker, do you know someone who is? Have you/they tried Audible Ale? If not, why not? Pop the top and look underneath. Recognize anything? Maybe it’s your name, someone else’s name or a catch phrase you’ve heard before. If you have someone who is popping your top for you, ask him, or her, what they’ve got underneath.



　

Who'd You Rather?, Not Ladies Men

    Who’d You Rather? 

Intimidation...

With the SI cover of Michael Jordan turning 50, conversation and the poll question was based on who would you rather play with – Michael Jordan a selfish player who treated his teammates with intimidation to try to make them better? Or, LeBron James who is not a selfish player who tries to make his teammates better through encouragement and mentoring? From working with both leadership styles, it doesn’t come down to who they are necessarily, but you. What is your natural personality response to a domineering or a nurturing personality? Sure you can adjust your own personality style to work better with either leadership type, but when push comes to shove and the right button is pushed, your natural personality response always come out. Good or bad, it is what it is.

or encouragement?

            Not Ladies Men

Lovable...

This could also be titled how not to have a happy marriage. Something the back row has still to figure out after all these years is what to say and how to handle yourself around beautiful women and then once you are home. Time and time again McLovin and Fritzy don’t know how to do either. Could this lead back to the formative relationship years? Their natural personalities and what that desires in the type of women they dated/married? What experiences they had or didn’t have in high school and college? Who they would rather be than who they are? Of course it does. The front row and Dan have learned and practice this well. They’re smooth about the process from beginning to end. The back row begins screwing up days before the model or actress crosses their path. Dan, Paulie, Seton and even Casey try to coach Fritzy and McLovin, but do they listen? No. Sorry to say for both themselves and their wives, they continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. Now it’s not that these guys are Bradley Cooper or George Clooney and can get away with what they say or do with charm and a smile. These guys are like Jason Alexander as George Castanza and Andy Dick fiction or real life. Yes, they can be funny at times, but if they stick their foot in it, it almost always smells.

or lunk-head?

　

Girls, Girls, Girls - Tough Day for Fritzy

Girls, Girls, Girls 

If only Chrissy Teigen hadn't coached
Hannah she would have been this
relaxed on the show

First up: Hannah Davis, guarded and not very forth coming when it came to Derek Jeter which makes it frustrating for everyone – Dan, Danettes, Hannah and the audience.  Best part of her interview wasn’t her, it was the Danettes mocking model walks.  Good thing little Casey wasn’t in the competition.  Skater boys know how to move the hips. Too bad, so sad.

Chrissy always poppin'
when she visits

Next up: One of our faves, Chrissy Teigen who had her fiancé’, John Legend came along for the ride and acted as her wardrobe consultant.  Funny and irreverent, she always fits into the show.  Chrissy can come back any time. Chrissy has a show coming up on Wednesday, February 13th, 10 pm on the Cooking Channel: Chrissy Teigan’s Hungry.  Love the title, and John says she can cook, for real.  If there were a charity raffle drawing to be the “pepperoni” police at the SI swimsuit photo shoots, would you buy a raffle ticket?  If pepperoni is the call out word for a nip slip, what cutesy food word should they use during a photo shoot for a slip of the lower area?  Sounds like they could use some suggestions over at SI.  Did anyone happen to notice that Fritzy’s favorite pizza topping is pepperoni?  Just sayin’.

Lucky #10, AJ McCarron

Finally:  Katherine Webb - sweet, open to Q/A, she can come back anytime too.  You can tell Katherine has gone to a lot of Bama football games, as she was leaving Dan at the desk, she reached over to give him a high five with a woven finger grasp.  Dan reciprocated, surgerized shoulder and all, for the pretty girl.  She also appreciated McLovin’s Bama bang attempt when he finger combed his bangs forward and spit in his hands to stick his hair to his forehead making a “good effort” in achieving the look.

    Tough Day for Fritzy

Did Todd think the more of this
he put on the closer he looked to this?

What a waste of all that Cool Water cologne Fritzy slathered on.  The SI memo of don’ts that Dan read off to the gang this morning slowed Fritzy down, but didn’t stop him.  He got his normal hug time from repeat visitor, Chrissy Teigen. He got a half hearted, one arm, pat on back, turning and looking to the side hug from Katherine Webb and nothing at all from Hannah Davis.  One and a half for three.  He should take the 50% and run with it considering he could have gone o’fer.  Dude, less creep factor history = more opportunities in the future. 

Let's Go Surfing! Boys Night Out in NYC, Don't Be a Creep,

No More Movie Reviews for You 

View at your own risk

Have you ever followed the recommendation of someone you trusted and the recommendation was bad?  That’s what happened to DP over the weekend.  He followed Paulie’s recommendation to watch In Bruges.  It was two hours of DP’s life he’ll never get back.  Paulie thought Dan didn’t appreciate the movie because of the pain, the meds and not being able to have a beer or two with the movie.  Now it’s not that DP didn’t try to sneak a beer in a different part of the basement this weekend, but his wife had his daughters trained well and Molly was on top of her game ratting dad out when he tried.  Too bad he doesn’t have draft audible ale installed. So what happens to Paulie for this bad recommendation?  It went out to the audience to send in titles of bad movies and Paulie will need to watch one.  Hmmm.

Don’t Be a Creep

Congrats Kate !
Much better pic than 2012

SI swimsuit models in the NYC man cave Tuesday.  SI has concerns, of course, with Fritzy’s creepiness and rightfully so after Fritzy’s past and most recent behavior.  Current ground rules: Only a three second hug, no lower back touching, no sounds when he hugs, no elevator eyes.  Surely more rules will be established, as their appearance time grows nearer.  Let’s face it, Fritzy has had some pretty awkward conversations with pretty women.  Maybe he needs a conversation time limit like he has a box time limit with his timer or maybe a conversation chaperone.  Just feel bad for Katherine Webb and Hannah Davis that they have to fear appearing in person on the show because of the creep factor.  Remember what happened with Brooklyn Decker and then the aftermath with her father?  Fritzy’s one liners need to be approved by Paulie before they’re said.  You know Fritzy won’t adhere to that policy and try to slip one in, so to speak.  Will there be a wheel of punishment if Fritzy misbehaves?  Stay tuned!

Boys Night Out in NYC

Did they partake or pass?

Now the last time that DP picked up the tab for dinner for five it was a thousand dollars.  What?!?  Dan, if you’re seeking dinner company that won’t jack your credit card, feel free to give me a call.  So they were tossing around the idea of having oysters in the village which Seton was stoked about.  Really? Oysters in NYC?  Hope they went home last night to the wives.  Otherwise it was probably pay per view in the room.  Dan could have taken up McLovin on his offer to come to his place.  Oh, no.  Can’t do that, sorry.  DP would have seen the girls and wanted to pick them up and give McLovin’s wife a hug.  Shoulder surgery.  Remember?  Dodge a bullet once again. To be continued.

Let's Go Surfing!

No, no!  Up in the air above the masses!

The sharp dressed men Friday upset Dan’s mom.  She thought they were dressed like pall-bearers because it was DP’s surgery day and the fun everyone had made about Dan’s surgery on Thursday.  Nope, not dressed in funeral clothes, just paying off a bet they made with Chris Mannix.  They boys actually looked really good and brought the show to a different level with their “casual Friday”.  Casual Friday should occur more often.  Would Dan have any of the Danettes be his pall-bearers?  Nope.  Seton would be drunk, Paulie would make it all about him, Fritzy would injure himself and need surgery, McLovin wouldn’t show as there would be no reason to suck up to Dan anymore.  Who would DP want as pall-bearers?  He’d want the shorties to do the honor so he could hear their tears hit the top of his casket.  Maybe he should do what Bryant Gumble does, pick and notify his pall-bearers now and update the list as time goes on.  Maybe a little mash pit casket surfing so everyone can get one last hand on the Dan man.