Is it all an act?, Under the top, Don't touch me!, Down goes Fritzy

Down Goes Fritzy

It may be the day of love, but there was no love for Fritzy in the man cave today. The other Danettes took over valentine related sports words, his mock headlines were atrocious, he couldn’t even get his poll question suggestions all the way out of his mouth before getting shot down. If Fritzy wasn’t sexually frustrated by the end of the day by the events of the last three days……….…watch out Mrs. Fritz! 

Don’t Touch Me! 

If you resemble this, you have a
pretty good shot at getting a hug

Dan and the Danettes seem to have attributes similar to fish: Scaly and slimy, big eyes with opened mouths and sadly, cold to the touch. Hug, forget it unless you’re a drop dead gorgeous woman. Hand shake, no thank you unless you’re a celebrity and insist, knucks are preferred, sort of. High fives, rarely if you’re in the front row only, or a celebrity they don’t want to offend. But if they’ve tipped a few, you’re chances will increase. So here’s some advice: Unless you are a top specimen of the female form, and you would like some type of physical contact with Dan or a Danette, either catch them after they have consumed a quantity of adult beverages or ply them with such beverages and after a suitable amount of time and consumption, then attempt contact. Do not attempt unless the above apply.

Is it all an act?

As the show was coming back from its second break, you could hear Seton say the words: "a character I play." That got some thoughts rolling. Are Dan and the Danettes all characters that are being played out five days a week on the radio/TV? Dan Patrick isn’t Dan’s real name. Are Paul Pabst, Patrick O’Conner, Todd Fritz and Andrew Perloff their real names? Are they really the way they seem? Could you really drink as much/often as Seton and hold a technical position on morning radio/TV? Could you really be as needy and insecure as Fritzy and still be able to book guests as well as he does? Does McLovin really watch that little sports and that much TV and movies that target a female audience? Could Paulie really love soccer that much? Does Dan really think that the group he has assembled can operate at perfection? Are they real or are they parts each person plays? Just wonderin’.

Under the Top 

Are you a beer drinker? If not a beer drinker, do you know someone who is? Have you/they tried Audible Ale? If not, why not? Pop the top and look underneath. Recognize anything? Maybe it’s your name, someone else’s name or a catch phrase you’ve heard before. If you have someone who is popping your top for you, ask him, or her, what they’ve got underneath.



　

Punches Hurt, Liquor Better Be Quicker and More

Story Time with Dan 

What happens when Fritzy doesn’t have a guest booked or they don’t call in? One of two things. Either Dan talks about the topics of the day or he tells stories. DP was clearly tired of the topic of the day, Lance Armstrong, and chose to tell stories. Dan is a great storyteller, even if you’ve heard the story before, you still listen intently just in case you missed something the first time you heard it. Occasionally Dan would refer to Paulie, the keeper of DP secrets and all things DP trivia. What a crack that Paulie remembers what happened to Dan better than Dan remembers what happened to himself. 

A Celebrity Beach Bowl without
DP wouldn't be the same.

It’s times like this where you sit back and think; man, I’d love to sit and have beer and wings with this guy. Ok, for me it wouldn’t be beer, it would be something else, but the wings would still happen for sure. I think that’s why so many of us make his show must watch/listen programming. And that then carries forward. When we learn that Dan will be on this talk show or that one, we make a point to watch because we want to know what story he’s going to tell. We tune in to Turning Point, FNIA, the Olympics or Celebrity Beach Bowl because there’s not only narrative but in person interactions with sports figures and celebrities that have us talking at the water cooler the next day; Did you hear this? Did you see that? That creates this question: Is DP doing the Celebrity Beach Bowl this year? I haven’t heard him do any promos and what runs on TV doesn’t promote anyone but Pitbull doing the after concert. Hmmm.

Who He Would if He Could 

No second chance interview

If Dan were asked to do the Armstrong interview he would wonder why he was the chosen one. Would it be because he considered soft and easily swayed or intimidated? Dan doesn’t have to worry about that happening anytime soon. If he could have had a do over with anyone he had previously interviewed it would have been Dale Earnhardt Sr. but that opportunity would never come again as Dale had his fatal accident two weeks later.

Forever Smiling Paulie

Don't look now, Paulie, you're forever smiling
on Sugar's thigh

Sugar has recovered from his accident and he’s sporting new ink.  It was revealed today that the new tat is Paulie.  The tat isn’t quite right.  McLovin said Paulie looked like Dwight D. Eisenhower but that’s not it.  In the tattoo Paulie is smiling and showing joy.  That’s rare Paulie, not normal Paulie.  That doesn’t mean it’s not a quality tattoo, because it is.  It’s just not the Paulie that we all know.  Leave it to Fritzy to go to pervyland.  He described watching someone in the shower with your likeness on their thigh as bizarre.  He said he would be flattered if Sugar had his likeness tattooed next but did he have to go there?  To a shower scene with another man?  He couldn’t just say he would feel bizarre seeing the tat, he had to see it in the shower? Seton would like to be the last of the Danettes to be inked, like in movie credits, and featuring … Seton.  Not shy of a tattoo needle, Dan suggested everyone get inked on the LA trip.  Seton and Two-a-Days were all in.  Fritzy and McLovin pass due to religious beliefs.  If Casey were going, he would do it, but what about Paulie?  Buzzzzz, bleed, buzzzzzz, bleed.

Liquor Better Be Quicker

If this was the image in your mind, could
you do a body shot off Fritzy?

Proud as a dad who witnessed birth and giving a little "take that Mothership!" attitude, Dan installed the Audible Ale tap today. Dad later became more like a big brother betting against Seton on the closest to the pin with the loser doing a body shot off of Fritzy. I was glad he repeated it because I couldn’t believe my ears the first time. Loser and furthest from the pin was Seton, even with Seton hittin’ it with the new Callaway driver and Dan needing surgery on his shoulder, Dan was still the better driver. Talk about bad images coming into your head. Really Dan? A body shot off of Fritzy! Hope he doesn’t hold Seton to that. It could scar the guy for life. 

The McReprimandWant to see McLovin get cut down a notch or two? Here’s how things started Tuesday morning, relived Wednesday morning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZOxkwrDrTI&feature=youtu.be

DP Peeve

DP face just prior to cray cray mode.

Want to take a page out of Seton’s book of how to make DP nuts? If Dan makes a suggestive statement and appears to be trying to get you to go along and agree with his opinion, do what Seton does when he doesn’t agree. Say this: "Maybe, ok, sort of, I’m not going to say your wrong." Not giving your true opinion makes an opinionated person cray cray.

            Punches Hurt

Punches hurt except on Roenick's jaw

Dan knows that pain hurts. Not only physical pain but also the pain words can bring. Seton called Dan fat and so Dan is trying to eat better. When Casey confronted Dan about calling Fritzy the same thing that Seton called Dan, Dan admitted that he doesn’t always realize what he says. What goes around comes around and this was a punch to the gut in more ways than one.

#SickLovin, Yummy Bowl of Skittles, Mothership Miss and More

#SickLovin

Do you see McLovin's two little girls
under there anywhere?

If you’re a fan of The Dan Patrick Show, then you admire the turn of a word. Yes, McLovin, true to his word, decided not to come in today although he was able to do what he does on the show at home – sit in a chair and watch Dan. The email he sent to Dan the night before explaining his absence today even included the word cough in parenthesis. Really?!? He did call in to gain sympathy. None given. He was actually doing the show a favor by staying home today. A little return to the way things used to be before he joined the show was a breath of freshness. He vowed to Dan that he’ll be in tomorrow.  Do you think McLovin is as dramatic at home 
as he is on the show?  Heaven help his wife if he is.

New Stuff in the Man Cave

Thank you Red Hook - The tap for Dan and the Danettes new ale is sick!

Sick as in rad, not sick as in McLovin.

Sweet !

Bam! Nice combo piece – South Carolina’s Jadeveon Clowney’s gloves and chin strap worn at the time of "the hit" in the Outback Bowl. No word from Michigan if Vincent Smith will be sending in the same items for a matched set.

Socks are the thing – Marcus Lattimore sent in a grouping: socks, a headband and his gear bag from his last healthy game at South Carolina.

The collection of random memorabilia continues to entertain us all.

Yummy Bowl of Skittles

I like the green ones

Back in the eighties, Dan visited the clubhouse of a National League team. On a table, out in the open, in a side room to the main lockerroom was a fish bowl of what appeared to be something candy like, like Skittles, M&Ms or Jolly Ranchers where you could just reach in and grab a handful. When Dan asked "What's this?", he learned that it was actually a bowl of "greenies" a.k.a. amphetamines available for open consumption. Alright, he got it.  They're not legal, but it wasn't something that was going to change your physical appearance.  They were considered more of a temporary alertness helper.  Is that any worse than what you may find in a clubhouse today – Red Bull, Monster, 5 Hour Energy or any of the other "pick me ups" anyone can buy anywhere? Just asking.

           Chris in Syracuse

Hope things work out for you soon!

You’ve asked before, and here’s the latest: Paulie was in contact with Chris. He’s got stuff going on at home but he’s doing ok. He’s listening, but can’t take part in the show. Dan, the Danettes and everyone concerned will be happy to have him back when he’s able. Miss you Chris! 



Mothership Miss

The good, the bad, it's ugly

To no surprise, ESPN got it wrong again.  They issued an apology to Katherine Webb for what Brent Musburger said during the BCS Championship game when she didn’t expect or want one.  Yet when Steven A. Smith uses a racial slur on air there’s no apology.  Continue on with your inconsistent consistency.

　

　

1984 Ounces = 3 Hours of Drinking, Children Should Be Seen Not Heard & More

Welcome Back Everyone!

Hope everyone had the holiday experience they wanted. 
If not, there’s always next year.
One of the best things is Dan and the boys are back!





Back to Work for R&R 

From left to right:  Dan, Crooked, Blinkie, 70's and Hunchy

Dan and the boys are back and the vacation stories are just beginning to come out. We’ll start with the physical condition of the Danettes. Paulie came back with a cut, swollen lower right eye. Origin undisclosed. Seton returned with a bruised, gnarly hip. Wearing wool socks on a wood floor when you’ve been in your cups is not a good combination. Fritzy had his hernia surgery and is wearing a corset. He chose to share his post surgery pics with Dan, bruises, incision and all. McLovin’s personal appearance was changed with mid-growth of a stache. The stache now has it’s own twitter account: @mclovinstache Only @CaseyGeraghty , host of The Box Score @TheBoxScoreShowShow, has complimented the facial addition. Is this an attempt to recreate his look from That’s My Boy?

Weird Way of Showing Thanks

Required reading for the next party

Your boss is throwing his annual Christmas party. The parties have been known for great food and interesting events. One, you think you would show up unless you were contagious and didn’t want to get others sick. Two, that any family members you brought would keep a lid on their feelings for your boss while in his presence. Neither of the above rules was followed.





Oh Where, Oh Where Was McLovin? 

Workin' on that 70's cop with coffee cup look

Not at the party. He sent Dan a lengthy text that in a nutshell said, he hated his life, and why did he decide to have two kids even though he loves his family. Maybe the stache was starting to come in and he didn’t want anyone to know was the real excuse?



Children Should Be Seen, Not Heard 

De Niro with flash cards for 7 year old girls

All of the Danettes have children. Not all of the Danettes tell their children what goes on at work. There is one that obviously does. The scene: You’re hosting your annual Christmas party and things are going about as expected. Then the unexpected happens. You have a run in with one of the kids that your staff member brought to the party. Awkward. The child says, "I’m watching you." Using De Niro’s mannerisms and expressions from Meet the Parents. "You’re mean to my dad. You say mean things to him." Then each time you speak to the kid’s dad, the kid is right there watching and listening. Giving you the big stare down. This seven year old started out the night this way and wouldn’t stand down, even after dad told the child they should apologize. Who would let their kids hear about what was said and done at work that would make the child feel this way? Who would seem fake in their reaction of surprise when their child did this to their boss? The Danette: Fritzy The Child: His daughter. It took Dan off his game for a bit but he recovered. Will this change the way Dan treats Fritzy? Heck no! Dan does admire how she stood up to him and had her dad’s back though.

Dan Reviews This Is 40

Scene from the movie or a peek at a night of
 McLovin's role play?

Some things are better left alone or short. This is one of those things. If you’re going to make a comedy that’s more than 90 minutes, it better have characters you can root for and feel good about and it needs to be down right funny. Not just funny ha ha bits once in a great while, but hold your attention all the way through the movie funny. Sadly, Dan reports that This Is 40 doesn’t fill the criteria to be a good comedic movie. Dan likes the actors but just didn’t like the movie. Maybe he should have just stuck to the reorganization of the Milford man cave instead.


1984 Ounces = 3 Hours of Drinking

Consume it all on your own
you'll be calling your own audible

That should say quality drinking. Dan had a keg of the soon to be released beer from Red Hook representing The Dan Patrick Show at the Christmas party. The official name: Audible Ale. It should be available in a couple of weeks with its promo debut around Super Bowl time. For now, it passed the Christmas party test at Dan's with rave reviews during its short time of three hours before the keg was dry.






 

Paid to Drink Beer, Shae’s Nightmare/Paulie’s Dream, Sugar in AZ

Next Wheel of Punishment
It was determined today that Fritzy will have his own Wheel of Punishment. It will have a Bronco theme. If the Broncos do not fall out after the first round of the play offs, as he said they would at the start of the season, he spins a wheel made just for him. Ideas for the wheel are open to the audience. Can’t wait. GO BRONCOS!

Can Peyton lead the Broncos to a second
round play off game and Fritzy to a spin of the wheel?

Fritzy Friday Frown
Fritzy was beginning to sulk because he felt that the boss was trying to bring Friday Fritzy down. A female listener, Jamie in MT, called in that didn’t feel Fritzy stood up for the Broncos the way he should have with McLovin saying that the Broncos wouldn’t make it to the play offs and that Fritzy didn’t think the punishment for McLovin should have been Broncos related because of what McLovin had said. Also she was upset that for two years now, Fritzy hasn’t said anything about the ladies Bronco fan night. He was falsely accused of not having his mic on during the look in. Mock headlines on the Bronco victory Thursday night bombed. Reference to his brother helping him again came up. On top of that, Dan knew the cougar of the week again because Fritzy keeps leaving the information on the fax machine. So who did Fritzy pick as COTW? Elizabeth Berkley

Cougar of the week

Shae’s Nightmare, Paulie’s Dream
What is Shae in Irving’s nightmare? His girlfriends father who is from England will be spending time with them from Christmas to New Year. What’s on the agenda? Soccer, egg nog and what most would consider bad Christmas sweaters.

Ooooo, I  bet Paulie would like this one!

Paid Money to Drink Beer
Possibly one or two more taste testings will occur, but for the most part, The Dan Patrick Show inspired beer is ready. Finishing touches to follow. Who would have thought five years ago that the Danettes would get paid to drink beer. Was that an emotional lump in Seton’s throat today? Bet he can swallow that down with a beer or two or three or four.

Arcade Fire Tribute
Sugar in AZ, tattoo artist, viewer someone who has ink of DP and McLovin on his thigh, is a little banged up and got the Arcade Fire tribute today. For whatever has you down, thoughts to you.

The best McLovin has ever looked is on Sugar's leg

Happy Holidays from Dan, Paulie, Seton, Fritzy and McLovin!

OMG it's 1D!, Caller can you save me?, All white guys look the same

He should have been a model
Dan felt is boy Seton was mocking what Dan had said yesterday and this morning about the staff wearing DP gear, especially after no one but Fritzy wore it today, including Dan.  Seton would go to the back room and first came out wearing a long sleeve shirt, then a hat, and then a zippered pull over and finally a short sleeve shirt.

Don't let this smiling face fool you,
he's plotting his next move

All white guys look the same
More info on the Belichick snub came from Rodney Harrison today. It appears that Dan didn’t stand out in the cloud of other white guys. That’s why Bill didn’t shake Dan’s hand. Maybe Bill thought Dan was Brady’s grandfather?

Can you spot DP in this cloud
of old white guys?

OMG it's 1D!
Dan is going to see One Direction!  No, not like when he went to see Britney Spears by himself in LA.  This time he’s taking his daughters as a cover.  Back in LA there was no line for beer, they were actually waiting for a customer.  Now the line for the juice bar and ice cream was a different story.  Expect the same availability at 1D too.  Dan gave us a wonderful display of his dance moves from that night.  Wonder if he’ll get his groove on again tonight.  Hope they tagged the dance portion of today’s show for an upcoming best of.  Dan also brought out his 70’s DJ voice for the occasion. Smooth.  Too bad no cameras will be following him to the concert. 

Heard DP was coming and got their dogs

We love goodies
Someone couldn’t wait to literally rip into a new box of Shari’s Berries.  As it was said, it was as if either a dog or a four-year old at Christmas had opened the box.  Who was the culprit?  No it wasn’t Seton, who usually eats his share and more than that delicacy.  It was Paulie! Guess he’s not as perfect as we thought.

One Danette just couldn't wait 

Blinded by the hair
It was difficult staying focused on the topics today when the camera would show McLovin today.  You couldn’t help but stare at his three-tone hair – dark brown, medium brown and gray.  Maybe he should keep the hat on for a few more weeks.

Possible next look for McLovin? 

Caller can you save me?

Was it a Friday thing or has Dan just lost interest in Against the Grain.  Before McLovin could throw it to Seton for the closing music for the segment Dan decided to take a caller. Guess he was looking for something more interesting.

Caller, you better be good

Arcade Fire Tribute 
The tribute for this week went out today to the family of David Courtney, the announcer for the Angels, Clippers and Kings who died at the age of 56. No cause was given by the Kings, but Courtney had tweeted the day before he died that he was at a hospital awaiting an angiogram.

David celebrating his passion

Beauty secrets of the Danettes and a new sex drug

Just when you got over how hard it was to listen to the sports related Halloween names were, Fritzy brings out sports related presidential names. A mind-numbing list of sports names that have the last name of a president. Thankfully this list only comes out once a year and not annually. I don’t blame the other Danettes for hiding their heads, putting on the headphones to drown him out, or as Dan did, leave the room and just close your eyes until the massacre is over. Hope y’all got out and cast your vote.  Then don't do what I did, watched MM followed by Hannah Storm.

Poll question of the day:
Would you rather be the President or Vice President? VP does seem like a pretty sweet gig. Almost all the same perks without the responsibility. Kind of like the four Danettes don’t you agree?

Today the Danettes took a stab at guessing the "bombshell" question. If correct DP wouldn’t say who. One person did get it right. DP the master of mind games, as Seton said. As an example Dan played with Seton’s confidence walking into the box. Seton’s statement of Dan bringing the best of the best with him when he left the Mothership Dan knocked down. Yes Fritzy is the best of the best at what he does, Dan didn’t know Seton’s name, Paulie was doing Tony Stewart’s show on the Sirius NASCAR station and McLovin just showed up and wouldn’t leave. Confidence balloon popped. So the question not so rocking was who has updated their looks in the last two years in hair and make up for television. In August McLovin consulted his wife and stylist and touched up his hair. The stylist claimed it wouldn’t be noticed. Everyone noticed. When DP did it at the Mothership everyone noticed and it was a horrible experience for him. Paulie stood his ground and said he never did although his hair has looked lighter. Could that have been from the summer sun? Paulie’s wife stated he has never dyed his hair in their home. Paulie’s barber confirms that he has only cut the hair and what he did after leaving he did not know. Seton continues to think Paulie is lying. What about make up – other than Danette make up day and tiger face day. Fritzy considered "a little rouge and eye liner" but didn’t go through with it. That could be a bit drag queen if Fritzy applied it on that round face. The I Team, headed by Paulie, is investigating the I Team. Hairgate. 
 

On a side note:
Rick in MA questioned if maybe some artificial tanning was involved in making Paulie’s hair look darker. I can see it now. Paulie’s in the spray tan booth with swimmer goggles and the disposable shorts getting the spray applied channeling his inner Channing Tatum.

Is Paulie aspiring to look like one of these guys?

Seton’s official day for his Tiger bet pay off is Friday. Whitey Herzog hair cut, tiger make up and costume. What happened to singing Eye of the Tiger?

Whitey Herzog and his hair

Chris Berman got hammered on Twitter last night after his interview with the presidential candidates. What would DP do? Keep it light, keep it about sports. Don’t ask what everyone else is asking. Ask what the every man would want to know. Do you remember when DP was at ESPN and did the phone interview with Clinton and accidentally hung up on him? I wonder if the Clinton autographed picture of Clinton on the phone with Dan is hanging in the mancave?

 

No tequila face and jazz hands during the presidential
interviews Monday night

Just your everyday football family: How long does it take to hit the ground when your kid sends you airborne? According to Howie Long from NFL on Fox, when his St. Louis Rams defensive end son Chris sent him flying it seemed like an eternity.

 

Nothing like a father and son bonding

Bob Costas today spoke of his interview with Jerry Jones and other sports related stuff but more interestingly the art of the interview. Something that he does very well. I decided it’s not what he says or how it says it. It’s how his voice is like butter. Then Dan stepped in and did a topper of an interview question for Jay Cutler. DP wins once again. Costas admits defeat. This was only to be topped by Costas winning a Sports Emmy for his interview with Jerry Sandusky.

 

Costas with one of his 232 Emmys

What does DP dream about? SI swimsuit models? Jennifer Anniston? The chick from Entourage he’s so crazy about that I can’t pronounce her name? Nope. It’s par 3, 7 at Pebble Beach and not pervy dreams like Fritzy. Here’s another thing. Fritzy doesn’t drink, yet his conversations at lunch and the way he talks are as if he does. He gets a little loose after knockin’ back a few wings and the lips start to flappin’. Wings, the new drug. This can only be second to Fritzy’s Chinese food, Mountain Dew and Cinemax combo.

Chicken wings, the new sex drug

Sven in CA once again outdid Fritzy phoning in three killer mock headlines.

Wild Bill, one of the Directv cameramen, who’s a hoot to watch, is solid as a rock. No matter how many times Dan tossed a ball at his junk he didn’t flinch. Maybe he really is solid as a rock, down there.

DTV's Wild Bill's doppleganger, Hickok

Beer sampling after the show again today. This is the third rendition. Time to narrow down the final taste. This is the beer that will debut at the Super Bowl. The official name of the beer isn’t on the bottle yet and won’t be revealed until much later. Honey I’m working late again today!

To go with the beer today was the smell of the bread baking downstairs at Subway wafting up into Dan’s side of the studio.

Did you know: Dan’s mom once called the show concerned because her son had missed three shots in a row shooting hoops during a look in.

The man doesn't miss in his own house

Bonus feature:

Saw a new coffee break with McLovin today featuring Nick from the back. In the feature McLovin introduced Nick as the person responsible for the condition of the coffee maker and supplies. Well of course nothing was to McLovin’s liking so as punishment he poured what looked like cold coffee with cream over Nick’s head saying "Do better, no sorries." Now Nick may be shorter than McLovin but the dude is tight. I can only speculate that Dan gave him a bonus so he wouldn’t punch McLovin.

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