Cringe-worthy DP Interviews, Baby Baby Baby Oh & More

Cringe-worthy DP Past Interviews
Tanya Harding at a hockey game where she was doing exhibition boxing after she said she had found religion. DP asked her about the Nancy Kerrigan incident and would someone who had found religion have their friend hit someone in the leg. Next thing Dan knew, he was dealing with her agent Paul wanting to know what was going on. Just an interview Paul, just an interview.

Paul !

Whitey Herzog had a book coming out and one of the bullet points the publisher had given them was about the Cardinals cocaine scandal in the ‘80’s. A mention of that time was in the forward of the book and in a press release as well. When Dan questioned him about that time in the ball club, Whitey said he didn’t feel like talking about it, said good bye and hung up the phone. 

Click !

OJ Simpson after the trial for the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Dan wanted to do the ESPN TV interview about college football because USC was in the Orange bowl in Miami. OJ wanted to talk about the trial, but Dan wanted to talk college ball. They had to stop taping because the cameraman needed to change tape, which took about four minutes. When the camera was being reset OJ said: "You think I did it?" "Did what?" Dan replied. OJ: "Killed those two people." "Yes" was Dan’s answer. There had been long, awkward silences between each exchange. After Dan gave his answer the cameraman announced "Ok, were ready to start rolling!" During the interview Dan found himself leaning all the way back in the chair in a defensive position and after the interview was over, wanting to take a shower.

Domestic Violence Assistance www.nicolebrown.org

The foundation provides grants for multiple organizations and programs that provide resources to victims and survivors of violent crimes.  www.rongoldmanfoundation.org

Willie Mays during Giants spring training in Scottsdale, AZ would not make eye contact with Dan the entire time of the interview because it was during the time of the Barry Bonds scandal.

What's that over there?

Sammy Sosa Dan was relaxing at an A’s game, t shirt, shorts, beer in hand, when he got message he had to go interview Sosa. He had to go buy a suit and change in a garage. The interview was going well until the subject of PEDs came up and then the mood changed. The interview was over, Sammy got up and left without saying goodbye, went in the back and was airing out a PR person. It was like when all hell breaks loose in a Maury show. Dan and crew were left alone, no one came back, and finally they just left on they’re own yelling goodbye as they walked out the door. 

Sammy SoSad

SOTD Leads to Wheel of PunishmentSeton tried to wing it for Stat of the Day instead of reading information he scripted. What was the result? He got lost in his information and when he looked down for help it was a blur of names and numbers. So what do you do when you’re panicking on live television? Cough. Cough like you have a cold and this is your worse day. Seton hits the cough button, then the Fritzy clear your throat song, to try to buy time and work things out without success so…. back to coughing. Dan, not realizing that his boy was screwing up, thought he was actually having body function problems and offered to have someone else do the SOTD segment as they were going to top of the hour break. McLovin was scheduled to do the box at the top of the second hour but Seton called an audible and went in instead which left everyone wondering what was going on. He left the box saying he needed to redeem himself and told Dan he wanted to do the segment again, then later telling him what really happened. Seton knew McLovin was just eating all of this up, especially when Dan said Seton wasn’t a team player for trying to go it alone when he was sick. Soon he would find out Seton wasn’t a team player because he wasn’t as prepared as he needed to be. If Seton didn’t redeem himself, no coughing, make sure he hit the post and didn’t get lost in his info, he would have to spin a wheel of punishment that the BRG was making as they spoke. Seton came through and delivered, but the content of the SOTD was weak so Dan called an audible and Seton had to spin his impromptu wheel of punishment. He got off easy. Just one dodge ball from each of the other Danettes, Two-a-Days filled in for Fritzy who was frantically looking for John Elway on the phone. All three throws were weak and Seton laughed through the ball hits. Weak punishment.

That looks about accurate

Baby, Baby, Baby Oh!Fritzy finally came through and wore the Justin Bieber wig. He started out with the swoop to the side straight out of the bag with the tag still on and doing dance moves. By the end of the show it had a part in the bangs. There was comment that he looked like a Lego man, which he wouldn’t mind if he could add pieces to himself – TMI. Another said he looked like a young John Elway from his Stanford days, which Fritzy didn’t mind that either. By the end of the day Fritzy admitted he didn’t understand why he initially put up such a fuss over wearing the wig in the first place because it wasn’t that bad.

Hubba Hubba Ladies!

COTWThis week's Cougar of the Week – fellow sports person, Pam Oliver of Fox Sports.

Pam's a Fox not a Cougar!

ATG AcknowledgedIt was learned via Twitter that Against the Grain made Awful Announcing’s Top 10 Favorite Clips of 2012 honoring McLovin’s Mini Helmet ATG segment. Congratulations McLovin and The Dan Patrick Show! May many more accidentally, hilarious moments come to you, and us, in 2013.

http://www.awfulannouncing.com/2012-articles/december/aa-s-top-10-clips-of-2012.html

Even if you’ve seen it before, it’s worth seeing again and again.

Random Adam Sandler, Creepy Yet Flattering, & More

Random Adam Sandler
How was it that Adam Sandler had a soundless guitar at the 121212 Concert? A trap door closed on top of his guitar cord, so no sound. Although he’s a Knicks fan, because he lives in LA he’ll be seen at those games more likely and either on or near the floor or up in his agency’s suite eating chicken. Kobe indicated in an interview with Dan that he’d like to be in a Sandler movie. Sandler was up for that. The next role for Dan will be in a Sandler western themed movie wearing cowboy gear head to toe including what sounds like ass chaps and a possible love interest. Script to be in Dan’s hands in about two weeks. Sandler guaranteed he’ll be a cool, funny cowboy that’s solid and more manly than Dan’s role in Grown Ups 2. There was no talk of parts for the Danettes. They were given one shot to prove themselves in That’s My Boy and they must not have gotten it done. No background extras, no ranch hands, no little buckaroos, no Danettes. Sounds like the closest they’ll get now is a possible invite to the next NYC premier whenever that happens. The Danettes were one and done like a Kentucky freshman basketball player.

Limited Danette Love

Happy Friday Fritzy
John Elway will be calling in tomorrow and Fritzy will be additionally nervous and jumping to answer the phone. He may stumble on his words a bit, but who wouldn’t after getting a chance to speak to one of their sports idols. If this were Joe Montana or David Beckham calling in, it would be Paulie doing the same thing.

Will John's smile be as wide after Fritzy answers the phone? 

Naughty Not Nice
While looking at more ornaments that came in, in the back room, Seton noticed that someone sent in one of his favorite treats, boxes of TastyKakes. There was one box that was opened, and TastyKakes were missing. The finger was pointed at Wild Bill, one of the cameramen, but he may not have been the culprit. Which BRG, back room guy, or Danette just couldn’t wait to fulfill the need of their sweet tooth? That’s yet to be learned. Just another man cave mystery. Dan and the boys found themselves coming back from break when they were still in the back room. Everyone was scrambling to get back. Dan was stuck behind Fritzy who was not moving as quickly as others were and received a "Let’s go! Move your fat ass!" from Dan as a motivator.

Has Seton introduced his son to these delights? 
Betcha he did!

Seeking Heat Seeking Missile
The Seton/DP favorite yellow football is still missing. The focus shifted to Paulie today who denied knowing where the football was. The intensity of questions from DP picked up after Paulie made a remark about not being able to catch the ball normally. Fritzy chimed in that he never saw Paulie play with it. Paulie said after the questioning he felt like Tommy Tuberville did after he was peppered with questions from Dan about college coaches not finishing out their contracts when those same coaches preach that the program is all about the kids. Something to keep in mind, Paulie never directly answered Dan’s questions. The yellow football mystery continues as well. While Seton was taking a quick look around the front of the desk area he a Paulie share, he pulled out a black sombrero that has a back story that couldn’t be talked about. Hmmm, saying there’s something that can’t be talked about means they need to talk about this. We can only hope it will be sometime soon.

What dark secret does this hat hold?

TMS
You’ve heard of TMI, today the BRG (back room guys) had TMS, too much sound. The sound of Dan using the bathroom was most likely not desired. Better to hear Dan than when Fritzy is in here.

Add no mic to the sign please, 
Thank you - BRG

Fritzy’s Joy
Nothing was more satisfying for Fritzy today, when he was having a mediocre day, than someone else trying to do what he does, without success. Sven in CA called in with his mock headlines and struggled big time. Chanukah joy for Fritzy.

If Fritzy could, he would 

They Remembered Me!
Dan let us know that he got a Christmas card from someone at the Mothership. He wouldn’t say who because they’re all on scholarships there. Wonder how Seton’s doing on his occupy ESPN Christmas tree project.

There were wishes of holiday happiness from an  ESPN person to DP 

Creepy, Yet Flattering
An ornament grouping that came in from CA was revealed today. Dan’s head was on the star for the top of the tree. Each Danette head was covering the face of four different SI swimsuit models from the wall of morale. For the Danette’s, the new images are etched in their minds and they’ll never look at the wall of morale quite the same.

Thanks for sharing???

The Touch & Feel of Vinyl, Go Balls to the Wall & More

Go Balls to the Wall
Adrian Peterson, running back for the Minnesota Vikings, had advice to others who have the same knee surgery he had: When you come back, don’t baby it because you’ll end up hurting yourself again. Do what you did on the field before the injury, plant, dig and turn. What was his favorite gift last year? A metal detector like you see the old guys with bucket hats, headphones and Bermuda shorts wearing on the beach digging up nickels and can tabs.

AP:  Not holding back on the field and
living the American dream on the beach

Wobbly Wheels
Earlier this week Dan talked about the possibility of taking the Danettes with him to LA next month. Road trip! What did the higher ups say about this? I’ll call you back. Not the worse, but not the most positive response that this is going to happen.

Will the Danettes stop off in Dayton on the way to LA?

Who Are You?Rush has made the Rock ‘n Roll HOF. Word got back to DP, we don’t know who you are, but thank you for being a big fan of theirs. Public Enemy was also named to the HOF and Dan asked for Fritzy to give a little PE sampling. Damn the sinuses! He had to stop after half a dozen words to clear his throat.

 A different look than when Dan first saw them
but the sound is still HOF

The Touch and Feel of VinylOne of Dan’s daughters has started to collect vinyl and he’s been saying "I used to have that", which she replies, "Why don’t you still have it?" Back: "Because I fell in love." (Dan gave up a collection of 1500 vinyl and picture discs to make room…for love.) "You’re still in love aren’t you?" "Well yeah."

Did this classic go to a bargin bin at Goodwill?!?

I’m Hip!In an effort to keep up with the changing street lingo, McLovin has consulted the younger members of the technical team in the back room after his misunderstanding of the phrase "balls out" on Monday which moved him from having street cred to suburban cul-de-sac cred. Surprised that this hasn’t fallen to Seton who is normally the much more street savvy Danette. At least McLovin is trying.

Mclovin's Hip Role Model

O Christmas Tree, Calling a Spade a Spade, & More

Dan Calls a Spade a Spade
Did you know that in order to recruit players in the NCAA you need to pass an annual recruiting test of thirty questions on NCAA rules? If you did know before today, GOOD FOR YOU! Bobby Petrino, the Kentucky football head coach, found out he passed his test and can go out and recruit. That was probably the most informative part of the interview. What could have made it better? Petrino being open and honest and not skirt the issues when Dan threw the tough questions his way. Dan isn’t disingenuous with his guests or with his audience. If he calls a spade a spade on the air before they come on, he does it while they’re on the air too. Unlike other radio shows that say one thing when the guest isn’t on the air and another when they are. It wasn’t Petrino’s affair that Dan was after, it was that he hired his mistress for an opening at the Arkansas athletic department violating rules and how when he left the Atlanta Falcons he told the players by leaving a note in their lockers. 

How far will Petrino’s remorse get him?

O Brother Where Art Thou?
Fritzy needed his brother’s help in more ways then one today. One of the problems was the mock headlines on the Patriots/Texans game that only earned a "That’s terrible" from Seton and groans from everyone else on the first submission. From there, not a single sound effect, not even crickets. To top that, he was followed by Sven who didn’t have to do anything more than breathe to be better than Fritzy. The writer brother was so missed and needed.

Even dogs can get in on Fritzy's first mock headline!

Sven in CA’s Grudenisms only Jon understands:

Wham break

Dagger squad combination

Short area quickness

Peek-a-boo sack 

And my favorite:

Big iron gear on your lawn

Football linguist from another planet

Second problem Fritzy encountered was the report of his time with the make up artist for the NYC promo shoot yesterday. Poor Lana. She was probably just short of saying "My eyes are up here!" and putting in some ear plugs. Fritzy is a chatterer. The kind that either out of nervousness or because they like hearing the sound of their voice, or they just don’t know any better, talk and talk and talk and talk. Even if you’ve tuned them out, and they know you have tuned them out, continue to talk. 

Did Lana really need to know Fritzy had a hernia surgery coming up?

Can Danette Deficiency Help Dan Win?

Dan was nominated for the National Sportscaster of the Year award with a bunch of play by play guys. They have it easy, watch a game, talk with analyst, talk with players, go home.  The voting committee needs to factor in difficulty before deciding the award. The difficulty of who you work with each day determines your worth. If the voting committee did that, Dan would be a multi-time winner. Dan was able to put the Danettes in what will probably be their one and only movie! That should garner a lifetime achievement award! As a reminder this is what Dan is working with:

Fritzy – mock headlines, cougar of the day, constant emailing pictures of women
Paulie – has no joy, obsessed with soccer, meanest Danette
Seton – can’t figure out who the winner of a TV is, fights with McLovin like a brother
McLovin – Where do you start? Where do you stop?

Here’s a list of other nominees in Dan’s category:

National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association 

National Sportscaster Nominees 

Al Michaels, NBC

Bob Costas, NBC/MLB Network

Dan Patrick, NBC/"The Dan Patrick Show"

Dan Shulman, ESPN

Brad Nessler, ABC/ESPN/NFL Network

Jim Nantz, CBS

Joe Buck, Fox

Mike Tirico, ESPN/ABC

Mike Emrick, NBC

Kevin Harlan, CBS/TNT

Could any other nominee than Dan win with this support staff?

O Christmas Tree!

Back in the Miford man cave and we find that the Christmas tree is up and the Menorah is lit. 2012 ornaments are starting to come in. Dan and the Danettes did a viewing of the ornaments received so far and Dan has a message for one special audience member: He can’t be bribed, because of it’s questionable content he can’t take it home, and it can’t go up on the tree but he can be entertained. For someone at the Mothership that still knows a good thing when they see/hear it, he did receive your ESPN ornament for the tree. He has no problem with that. Dan loves his ESPN staff audience. Would ESPN have a problem with an ornament from DP’s show up on the ESPN Christmas tree in their lobby? Seton’s current mission is occupy Christmas tree but he needs to do it in a covert manner, so no help from the audience please. He knows you’re enthusiastic helpers, but for this one he needs to go it alone.

His sleepy look is only cover for his trickery

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

You have no balls but the lights are neat.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

You need a hot chick to make you sweet.

Fritzy creeps the girls away, 

Danny Jaw Face hates those days.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

It may be only men that touch thee.

Will Chrissy make a return appearance this year?

You can send your 2012 ornament to:

The Dan Patrick Show

P.O. Box 591 

Milford, CT 06460

Ornaments will be eligible win a gift!

Toting Heisman, Great Football Mind Bad Coach?, How Are You Better Off?

Toting Heisman
Johnny "Football" Manziel, the Texas A&M QB made a visit to the NYC man cave today with Heisman Trophy in tow. From the not so obvious, he said he would like to keep the Heisman next to him in his bed forever, and that it would be ok to let his offensive linemen each have it for a day there was a warning from Dan to not let team mates play "hide the Heisman." Thinking the last item may create a small challenge considering the size and shape of the trophy and that it weighs about fifty pounds.

This was either the best or the worse stop of Johnny's day

Great Football Mind, Bad Coach?
Does Tony Dungy think Peyton Manning, who seeks perfection in himself and others, would be a good coach or analyst? Coach? No, he has a hard time understanding why others don’t put in the time and effort that he does. Analyst? Yes, but he would need to learn and understand that there are time limitations to what can be said and done. So if Peyton became an analyst after his playing days were done, what network would better suit his personality and style? NBC, ESPN, CBS, FOX or NFL Network? Or could Peyton alter his way of thinking and become a good coach? He’s had to make adjustments since his injury and leaving the Colts, so maybe he could learn to be more accepting and become a coach.

Is the suit and tie uniform the best fit for
Peyton after playing is done?

How Are You Better Off?
That’s become a question of late. Are you better off using the car service of the NFLPA or Player Protection and not risk a DUI or accident involving yourself or others that could result in damage, injury or worse? Or do you continue to take the "this is more convenient, I’m worried about my car, I can make it, I don’t want to take a chance that someone else will know and effect my contract or future negotiations" approach? Any anti-drunk driving organization would have no problem answering that question. But how about you? Take a walk in all the different pairs of shoes and there are more hard questions than easy answers.

If you have rules that are set by your employer whether it be the NFL or McDonalds, and you make the choice to not abide by those rules, you pay a consequence. It may be a reprimand, a slap on the wrist, it could effect future promotions or raises, it could become public knowledge, it could mean losing your job. Are those things worse than injury or death to yourself or others?

Would you reach out for help?
Would you help an outreached hand?

People celebrate. Everyone knows and accepts that. What they don’t accept is when you don’t make the responsible choice when you over celebrate. That doesn’t only apply to athletes and celebrities, but to everyone. If you are excessive in the amount of times you celebrate, is it wrong that someone is concerned about your welfare and speaks with you pre-emptively? Could that conversation serve as a needed wake up call? Or is that something that you turn a blind eye to? Do you not want to deal with grievences by a union or a legal representative if you fine, sit or cut someone? When does safety of yourself and others come together with personal freedom? When does common sense amongst all parties become most important? When do the options and services available to you really become confidential and not confidential to a point? What does it take to realize you’re not invincible? This is the culture we live in and this is just a small sampling of many other questions and answers no one seems to agree upon.

What we can celebrate is that as of Sunday, seven NFL players turned in their personal guns last week. One of those players, who had multiple guns, said he no longer trusted having them. Maybe more people will follow these players leads now that the word is out. One more question: Why would you want to go somewhere that you didn’t feel safe if you didn’t need to?

Work together to find a peaceful middle