Photo-bombing Dan, Rush to Error, Up High!

McLovin Does It Again

Congratulations McLovin! Awful Announcing named McLovin’s Harlem Globetrotter ball spin on the finger, in the box, where he knocked off and broke his glasses then reached for them on his face like they were still there as their number ten of twelve Awful Announcing’s Top Twelve Bloopers of 2012. Keep up the good work Andy! Footnote: McLovin tried to recreate the moment in celebration of the recognition by AA and was unable make it happen. Par for course. Try to do something and can’t, try not to do something and do.

Did it one, did it twice (in NYC), third time not a charm
www.awfulannouncing.com/2012-articles/december/top-12-announcing-bloopers-of-2012.html

Up High!

If Adrian Petersen, from the Minnesota Vikings, reaches out to shake your hand you may want to think twice, no matter who you are. Adrian is becoming known for his hand crushing handshakes, just ask John Lynch’s ten year old son. Show no mercy no matter what. Go up high, go for knucks or risk your metacarpals.

Goin' up high and with knucks

Rush to Error
Dan has been an enormous fan of the band Rush for many, many years. Something he’s had wrong all this time is the pronunciation of the drummer’s last name. He received a gift for the man cave, a pair of beat up drum sticks that were given to a fan of the band, who is also a fan of the show, by one of the band’s techs. With the drumsticks came a note explaining that the name of the drummer is not pronounced Pert like the shampoo, but Peert like there is an ear sound between the P and the T. As hard as Dan tried, he just couldn’t get it right after saying it wrong for so long. Dan didn’t say either of the ways above. He was now saying Peart like the fruit with a T. Oh, Dan. So much for your chances of getting the NSSA Sportscaster of the Year this year.

Not the shampoo

Sounds Like Cereal
Sven in CA called in with his Grudenisms which really only one fit the category: Bunch crunch toss play. Can’t you see it? You pour from the open box this funky bunch of nuts and flakes coated in goo. Slop on the milk. Toss it with your spoon. Play with the masses trying to soften it up so it won’t break your teeth. Finally, put a spoonful in your mouth and bite down making a large, long crunch noise. Yep, that’s where Gruden got that line.

Bunch crunch toss play

Caller You’re On The Air

If there were awards for the fans that call into the show, who would receive them this year? Shae in Irving would receive the Come Back Caller of the Year after a lengthy absence from the show and then coming back in 2012 with each call he made sharper, snarkier and funnier than ever. Congratulations Will Ferrell, ahhh, I mean Shae! The Caller of the Year, make that years, is Chris in Syracuse who had called each and every day, even when there were guest hosts, as well as to The Box Score until circumstances beyond his control have kept him away. Congratulations Chris and We Miss You! Shae and Chris, your awards are in the mail. No, not really, that wasn’t true, but congratulations anyway!

Caller, you're on the air

Photo-bombing Dan  
If you had watched the movie, That’s My Boy, with Adam Sandler, Dan and yes, the Danettes, you may have noticed that Paulie was the most prominent of the Danettes. So what was his secret? His boyish good looks? His natural ability to convey a message without saying a word? Crazy acting chops? No way! It’s his ability to stand close and sway from side to side of Dan during Dan’s camera shots. So crafty, so Paulie.

Dan channeling John Laroquette
backed by the Danettes, Paulie at his side 

O Christmas Tree, Calling a Spade a Spade, & More

Dan Calls a Spade a Spade
Did you know that in order to recruit players in the NCAA you need to pass an annual recruiting test of thirty questions on NCAA rules? If you did know before today, GOOD FOR YOU! Bobby Petrino, the Kentucky football head coach, found out he passed his test and can go out and recruit. That was probably the most informative part of the interview. What could have made it better? Petrino being open and honest and not skirt the issues when Dan threw the tough questions his way. Dan isn’t disingenuous with his guests or with his audience. If he calls a spade a spade on the air before they come on, he does it while they’re on the air too. Unlike other radio shows that say one thing when the guest isn’t on the air and another when they are. It wasn’t Petrino’s affair that Dan was after, it was that he hired his mistress for an opening at the Arkansas athletic department violating rules and how when he left the Atlanta Falcons he told the players by leaving a note in their lockers. 

How far will Petrino’s remorse get him?

O Brother Where Art Thou?
Fritzy needed his brother’s help in more ways then one today. One of the problems was the mock headlines on the Patriots/Texans game that only earned a "That’s terrible" from Seton and groans from everyone else on the first submission. From there, not a single sound effect, not even crickets. To top that, he was followed by Sven who didn’t have to do anything more than breathe to be better than Fritzy. The writer brother was so missed and needed.

Even dogs can get in on Fritzy's first mock headline!

Sven in CA’s Grudenisms only Jon understands:

Wham break

Dagger squad combination

Short area quickness

Peek-a-boo sack 

And my favorite:

Big iron gear on your lawn

Football linguist from another planet

Second problem Fritzy encountered was the report of his time with the make up artist for the NYC promo shoot yesterday. Poor Lana. She was probably just short of saying "My eyes are up here!" and putting in some ear plugs. Fritzy is a chatterer. The kind that either out of nervousness or because they like hearing the sound of their voice, or they just don’t know any better, talk and talk and talk and talk. Even if you’ve tuned them out, and they know you have tuned them out, continue to talk. 

Did Lana really need to know Fritzy had a hernia surgery coming up?

Can Danette Deficiency Help Dan Win?

Dan was nominated for the National Sportscaster of the Year award with a bunch of play by play guys. They have it easy, watch a game, talk with analyst, talk with players, go home.  The voting committee needs to factor in difficulty before deciding the award. The difficulty of who you work with each day determines your worth. If the voting committee did that, Dan would be a multi-time winner. Dan was able to put the Danettes in what will probably be their one and only movie! That should garner a lifetime achievement award! As a reminder this is what Dan is working with:

Fritzy – mock headlines, cougar of the day, constant emailing pictures of women
Paulie – has no joy, obsessed with soccer, meanest Danette
Seton – can’t figure out who the winner of a TV is, fights with McLovin like a brother
McLovin – Where do you start? Where do you stop?

Here’s a list of other nominees in Dan’s category:

National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association 

National Sportscaster Nominees 

Al Michaels, NBC

Bob Costas, NBC/MLB Network

Dan Patrick, NBC/"The Dan Patrick Show"

Dan Shulman, ESPN

Brad Nessler, ABC/ESPN/NFL Network

Jim Nantz, CBS

Joe Buck, Fox

Mike Tirico, ESPN/ABC

Mike Emrick, NBC

Kevin Harlan, CBS/TNT

Could any other nominee than Dan win with this support staff?

O Christmas Tree!

Back in the Miford man cave and we find that the Christmas tree is up and the Menorah is lit. 2012 ornaments are starting to come in. Dan and the Danettes did a viewing of the ornaments received so far and Dan has a message for one special audience member: He can’t be bribed, because of it’s questionable content he can’t take it home, and it can’t go up on the tree but he can be entertained. For someone at the Mothership that still knows a good thing when they see/hear it, he did receive your ESPN ornament for the tree. He has no problem with that. Dan loves his ESPN staff audience. Would ESPN have a problem with an ornament from DP’s show up on the ESPN Christmas tree in their lobby? Seton’s current mission is occupy Christmas tree but he needs to do it in a covert manner, so no help from the audience please. He knows you’re enthusiastic helpers, but for this one he needs to go it alone.

His sleepy look is only cover for his trickery

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

You have no balls but the lights are neat.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

You need a hot chick to make you sweet.

Fritzy creeps the girls away, 

Danny Jaw Face hates those days.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

It may be only men that touch thee.

Will Chrissy make a return appearance this year?

You can send your 2012 ornament to:

The Dan Patrick Show

P.O. Box 591 

Milford, CT 06460

Ornaments will be eligible win a gift!