Keep Your Hands to Yourself, McTe'o ?, Can't Let Go & More

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Big brother is watching

Just as Elway’s framed jersey has taken abuse, so has Fergie’s bust. It’s one thing to think about doing something, like Seton did, it’s another thing to do it like Fritzy and McLovin. Yes, poor Fergie’s bust has been felt up by McLovin at least once, and most likely numerous times by Fritzy. Dan says the bust is something to be viewed and admired, Fritzy feels it’s something that you should touch. Dan tried to clean off the fingerprints with the sleeve of his pull over but had to leave the fingerprints where Fergie had written her dedication for fear that he would wipe off the ink. Are all the cameras turned off after the show is done? Maybe having a motion sensor security camera or two would be a good addition to the man cave for after hours or the wee hours of the morning.

Fritzy Double Loser 

From the past crazy town days

Part One: During his call, Mark in MI, gave a Manti Te’o mock headline. Fritzy tried to top it with his own that he had prepared. Let’s say they just weren’t that good. For that, Fritzy lost the opportunity to do COTW and McLovin had to go in the box to fill in. DP is rarely likes women with short hair and this cougar did not make the exception to his rule. The cougar chosen was Anne Heche. Remember that hot mess of craziness?

Yes he wore this
Yes he said that

While in the box, McLovin revealed that he was wearing a LiveStrong t-shirt under his zippered jacket and said: "Lance is back, it’s just a matter of time." Don’t know about that. Coming out of the box, McLovin revealed the shirt to the Danettes as well. Not sure if they were sincere or not but they wondered if McLovin had been working out, told him that he looked pretty ripped in that shirt, asked if he was wearing a medium… something isn’t quite right here. Maybe a future set up?

He who enjoys & thanks himself
is a man who insults his wife

Part Two: Fans v Fritzy – It was ugly. Todd had not only his brother behind him but now his wife as well. Sexual references always work on the show and there were a few that met that mark. In Lance Armstrong fashion, Fritzy even tried to cheat, but was caught using a headline that was already done by the fans. A scoring penalty ensued but it didn’t matter. Even without the penalty, the fans had it in the bag: fans 10, Fritzy 5. Fritzy’s said his wife better have her A game on tonight as he’s going to need to be consoled. If she was listening to the show and heard the way he said that, ain’t no way. Chinese and Cinemax for Fritzy.



McTe’o ?

McLovin's Mysterious Mindy

Our own McLovin boosted his love life stats sometime during the18 – 22 years of age range with what he now claims was his own imaginary girlfriend. Name: Mindy Location: Ontario. Dan did see a picture of a woman McLovin said was Mindy from Ontario, but was she who he said she was? Supposedly she was the love of his life before his wife but she couldn’t cross the border and didn’t have a green card??? What else has McLovin told us that isn’t true? Did he go to Dartmouth? Does he know Brooklyn Decker and Andy Rodick? Does he live in a one-bedroom apartment with a wife and two daughters? Does he own hats that aren’t promotional? Just more of the McLovin mystery.








An F is an A, a D is a B

Typical Danette Report Card

Did you ever alter a grade on a report card before it made it to your parents? You’re not alone if you did. Paulie did, but got caught because a follow up report card that was sent in the mail. McLovin and DP both changed grades. Thanks to DP's older and more troublesome brothers, Mike and Bill, he didn’t get in trouble. Fritzy’s worse school sin was plagiarizing a limerick in the 4^th grade that was published in the school newsletter, which he later had to come clean. Which is worse, a grade change or a 4^th grader copying a limerick for a contest?










       

       Can’t Let Go

Could it be that Rich is
mad because Dan has
hair?

Rich Eisen is a good dad and a sensitive guy. His son, five year old Zander, came on at the end of the interview to say hi to Uncle Dan and give a shout out to his friends, Cara and Penelope. According to Rich, these are real friends, not imaginary, cat-fished friends. Rich was fine with letting go of his son so he could go to school but Rich can not let go of something that happened with the show. One day, way back in 2009, Rich was bumped from coming on the air for Dan Bickley from the Arizona Republic. Cut the cord to this event Rich, cut the cord.




Going Against His Own Grain   

Yep, that's DP's logo
on the label

When the morning started, McLovin was still standing by his picks of September 5^th: Ravens and Niners for the Super Bowl. Today during his Against the Grain segment everything changed. He’s now picking the Patriots, Seton’s favorite team, and the Falcons, or as McLovin pronounces it Valcons. He called an Audible, an Audible Ale-teration.











No Dan Alert

Yeah, he's ok to play

Dan is having surgery on his shoulder the Friday after the Super Bowl. Don’t worry though, although he will not be able to be in studio, he’s still been cleared to play for the Red Skins. 














Arcade Fire Tribute

The tribute went out to long time audience member, Tilly in Bloomington. If you follow Tilly on Twitter, @BigLiciousT you know that yesterday he lost his 7 ½ year old yellow lab, Harley, to cancer. 

Tilly's Harley

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....  Author unknown...

Fritzy Flies like an Eagle, McLovin Hot & Not

Fritzy Flies like an Eagle

Chip gave Fritzy wings today

It’s been a long rough road for Fritzy with mock headlines. First he was having a lack of positive response from Dan. Then came other Danettes taking their shot at the one-line zingers. Audience members saw a chink in the armor and started taking their shots. One member had some initial success, so he started calling in on a regular basis with his headlines. When that caller started to fail and everyone came rushing in like a cheetah on an antelope for Fans versus Fritzy. With a Fans versus Fritzy segment looming over his head tomorrow, Fritzy fought back and triumphed with Chip Kelly to Philadelphia headlines. He could not be topped. Our topper, Paulie, didn’t even try. Bravo Fritzy on a job well done.

McLovin Hot and Not 

Maybe it was the sweater that
 made her feel ill

Speaking of Chip Kelly, McLovin’s wheel of coaches paid off this week. Yes, it is true! McLovin’s Against the Grain segment for NFL coaching vacancies had a spin to win. Chip Kelly is going to the Eagles. McLovin is also the only one still in the running for Super Bowl picks. Can you believe it? Can we stand his ego puffing up even more if it’s a Ravens/Niners Super Bowl? Maybe we should start bracing ourselves now. Where he wasn’t hot was with former colleague Jenn Sterger. Take a look at how excited she is to sit next to him.

Punches Hurt, Liquor Better Be Quicker and More

Story Time with Dan 

What happens when Fritzy doesn’t have a guest booked or they don’t call in? One of two things. Either Dan talks about the topics of the day or he tells stories. DP was clearly tired of the topic of the day, Lance Armstrong, and chose to tell stories. Dan is a great storyteller, even if you’ve heard the story before, you still listen intently just in case you missed something the first time you heard it. Occasionally Dan would refer to Paulie, the keeper of DP secrets and all things DP trivia. What a crack that Paulie remembers what happened to Dan better than Dan remembers what happened to himself. 

A Celebrity Beach Bowl without
DP wouldn't be the same.

It’s times like this where you sit back and think; man, I’d love to sit and have beer and wings with this guy. Ok, for me it wouldn’t be beer, it would be something else, but the wings would still happen for sure. I think that’s why so many of us make his show must watch/listen programming. And that then carries forward. When we learn that Dan will be on this talk show or that one, we make a point to watch because we want to know what story he’s going to tell. We tune in to Turning Point, FNIA, the Olympics or Celebrity Beach Bowl because there’s not only narrative but in person interactions with sports figures and celebrities that have us talking at the water cooler the next day; Did you hear this? Did you see that? That creates this question: Is DP doing the Celebrity Beach Bowl this year? I haven’t heard him do any promos and what runs on TV doesn’t promote anyone but Pitbull doing the after concert. Hmmm.

Who He Would if He Could 

No second chance interview

If Dan were asked to do the Armstrong interview he would wonder why he was the chosen one. Would it be because he considered soft and easily swayed or intimidated? Dan doesn’t have to worry about that happening anytime soon. If he could have had a do over with anyone he had previously interviewed it would have been Dale Earnhardt Sr. but that opportunity would never come again as Dale had his fatal accident two weeks later.

Forever Smiling Paulie

Don't look now, Paulie, you're forever smiling
on Sugar's thigh

Sugar has recovered from his accident and he’s sporting new ink.  It was revealed today that the new tat is Paulie.  The tat isn’t quite right.  McLovin said Paulie looked like Dwight D. Eisenhower but that’s not it.  In the tattoo Paulie is smiling and showing joy.  That’s rare Paulie, not normal Paulie.  That doesn’t mean it’s not a quality tattoo, because it is.  It’s just not the Paulie that we all know.  Leave it to Fritzy to go to pervyland.  He described watching someone in the shower with your likeness on their thigh as bizarre.  He said he would be flattered if Sugar had his likeness tattooed next but did he have to go there?  To a shower scene with another man?  He couldn’t just say he would feel bizarre seeing the tat, he had to see it in the shower? Seton would like to be the last of the Danettes to be inked, like in movie credits, and featuring … Seton.  Not shy of a tattoo needle, Dan suggested everyone get inked on the LA trip.  Seton and Two-a-Days were all in.  Fritzy and McLovin pass due to religious beliefs.  If Casey were going, he would do it, but what about Paulie?  Buzzzzz, bleed, buzzzzzz, bleed.

Liquor Better Be Quicker

If this was the image in your mind, could
you do a body shot off Fritzy?

Proud as a dad who witnessed birth and giving a little "take that Mothership!" attitude, Dan installed the Audible Ale tap today. Dad later became more like a big brother betting against Seton on the closest to the pin with the loser doing a body shot off of Fritzy. I was glad he repeated it because I couldn’t believe my ears the first time. Loser and furthest from the pin was Seton, even with Seton hittin’ it with the new Callaway driver and Dan needing surgery on his shoulder, Dan was still the better driver. Talk about bad images coming into your head. Really Dan? A body shot off of Fritzy! Hope he doesn’t hold Seton to that. It could scar the guy for life. 

The McReprimandWant to see McLovin get cut down a notch or two? Here’s how things started Tuesday morning, relived Wednesday morning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZOxkwrDrTI&feature=youtu.be

DP Peeve

DP face just prior to cray cray mode.

Want to take a page out of Seton’s book of how to make DP nuts? If Dan makes a suggestive statement and appears to be trying to get you to go along and agree with his opinion, do what Seton does when he doesn’t agree. Say this: "Maybe, ok, sort of, I’m not going to say your wrong." Not giving your true opinion makes an opinionated person cray cray.

            Punches Hurt

Punches hurt except on Roenick's jaw

Dan knows that pain hurts. Not only physical pain but also the pain words can bring. Seton called Dan fat and so Dan is trying to eat better. When Casey confronted Dan about calling Fritzy the same thing that Seton called Dan, Dan admitted that he doesn’t always realize what he says. What goes around comes around and this was a punch to the gut in more ways than one.

A Man's Bathroom is His Castle and More

We Love NYC

An Empty NYC Studio waiting
 for Dan, Danettes & guests

Why do we love NYC? As Jeff in Detroit reminded us, that’s where the show is able to get in studio guests more easily. Dan brings out the best of a guest when they’re face to face in studio. It’s difficult to get people to come to Milford, so the NYC man cave has been a real gem. Milford seems like such a homey town on TV. Who wouldn't want to visit there? Apparently, anyone who is a celebrity. Dan is only a week out of a six month, six to seven day workweek thanks to the NFL season and his work with NBC, not that he’s complaining. We’re not asking Dan to work extra days to get in studio guests, just utilize the NYC studio more often during the NFL off-season to get more in studio guests.

Thoughts and Prayers

Hit hard all day long

Thoughts and prayers go out to Stuart Scott from ESPN who announced that he is battling stomach cancer. This is his third fight and we are behind him to win this one too.  In 2007 it was found that he had cancer of the appendix when he had an appendectomy.  In 2011 he fought against small intestinal cancer.  








Past Armstrong Moment
Dan’s favorite Lance Armstrong moment was while doing the commercial for ESPN with Lance powering the ESPN building while riding his bike. Dan used mind games with Lance during the filming to bring the most out of him. They were only given a 30 minute window to shoot and they shot the commercial in New York. Lance wanted to know how he was stacking up against the other athletes that had come in and done commercials for the network. Dan boasted about the other sports stars to use Lance’s competitiveness to get the job done in the short time they had and get the best results. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmzeKNiMkAs

　
Fans v. Fritzy

The shadow of disappointment over
his shoulder

Topic revealed for the next face off is Lance Armstrong. The show down will be either Thursday or Friday. That’s plenty of time for Paulie to collect responses from the audience, but will it be too long for Fritzy’s head to second guess his initial ideas? Fritzy’s already going on the defense by saying this has become a nation versus one man. Ah, Fritzy, the nation responded quickly to that statement. It’s two men (Fritzy and his brother the writer) versus a nation. Come on creative word turners out there, send in your best shots!

California Trip Update
Dan announced today that in approximately a month, Dan and the Danettes would be making an appearance TBA in California. In addition to the Danettes, Two-a-Days will be there too. Are they sure they want to bring him along? They might not get him back…Hollywood!

http://instagram.com/p/UZq0_lIfS2/

  Hurt Feelings and Finger 

Momento from the future 2013
summer intern?

Special FedEx delivery yesterday while Dan and the boys were having beer and wings. Some times special deliveries become less special when someone spoils what could have been a surprise for everyone. As Dan was opening the FedEx envelope, Seton leaned over and caught a glimpse and remarked – you got a script. Dan loves a surprise and Seton spoiled Dan’s surprise. To add injury to insult, when Dan was handling the envelope this morning, he got a nice, deep, bloody paper cut. Well, it wasn’t the script Seton was thinking. It wasn't possibly a role in an upcoming Sandler movie. It was another script. In the FedEx envelope was a copy of the script for the 100^th episode of The Big Bang Theory that was signed by the cast with a couple of messages from Jim Parsons. 1. Next to the word Bang on the cover, Jim wrote in biscuit to make the phrase "Bang Biscuit!" 2. Message on the cover for McLovin – Thank you for letting me intern. I’ll be back some day McLovin. 3. Message to Dan – It was the most fun he had in 2012 and hopes to see them in 2013. Be afraid McLovin. Be very afraid.

      A Man’s Bathroom is His Castle

No positive thoughts behind the bathroom
door today

Dan doesn’t have many rules, but one of his rules is you don’t use his bathroom without his case by case consent. This morning Dan found a cup of Starbucks coffee in his bathroom. Dan doesn’t drink Starbucks coffee. He drinks Starbucks vente skim chai. McLovin drinks coffee and it helps him make it during his drive home from the studio to Brooklyn. A bathroom stop before the ride home was needed but the hall bathroom was unavailable, so he used Dan’s bathroom instead. McLovin was caught this morning by leaving evidence that he had been there and had no choice to go against his natural instincts of lying. He knew there would be the WOP or possibly worse if he did. Would his being honest this morning change his questioned morals or poor work ethic in the future? No. Dan knocked him down a notch saying McLovin isn’t like the original three Danettes, they respect Dan’s rules. To McLovin every things a game, and as Seton would say, his apology was weak sauce. Did McLovin receive the message? Probably not. Will Dan need to do a bathroom lock out? We’ll just have to wait and see.




　

Play Offs Play with Emotions

Play Offs Play with Emotions

McLovin was saved by a bird

Some people were walking tall and talking big today as they had the good fortune to predict that the Broncos would not win Saturday only to back track in the box.  McLovin wanted to be called McSurething or McGenius.  He was even wearing a genius tag on his hat in studio.  McLovin had been quiet for the most part over the weekend to Dan, which is unusual but not so quiet on Twitter, displaying some angst towards the end of the game. Maybe it was because he was busy picking out five outfits that would go with the blue and orange Zubaz pants in the event that Denver won.  He did take out time to ask Fritzy to wash the pants just in case, but Fritzy refused because Dan said they had to be as worn.

Fritzy felt burned by a horse

Fritzy was moans and groans.  Even though he had no wheel of fortune waiting for him this morning, the biting reality that his team was out and gone was still hurtful.  Fritzy reported that there was crying, ranting and cursing on the home front but from his 10 year old son, not himself. Fritzy had any and all Bronco related items out in hopes of a win but those items did his team no good. 

Duhamel still living in the past

Josh Duhamel text in to Dan: Wins in Denver as a Bronco, Tebow 1 Manning 0.  Suck it Hodge!  This was a continuance of the Duhmel vs. Hodge war after Merril Hoge from ESPN said that Tebow was as phony as a $3 bill.  

Brian's golden halo is gone

Brian Baumgartner had asked Dan on Brian’s way to the 49ers/Packers game: Who you got?  Dan replied the 9ers who he picked a long time ago to go to the Super Bowl.  Baumgartner was disappointed in Dan’s answer, as Brian’s a Packers fan.  He was probably disappointed on the drive home too. 


Here’s to less emotional AFC/NFC Championship games for the man cave.

Tears of Sorrow Tears of Joy, Not a Dog but a Puppy, Shaping Youth

Tears of Sorrow, Tears of Joy

Odorous brings it again with
Wheel of Punishment

Sitting here with the dogs watching the birds fight it out on TV wondering if the Fritz household has recovered from yesterday. Wondering if after another group of birds, the Ravens, made the field goal that brought the second overtime, and the game to a close Saturday that there were many tears at the Fritz house. Tears of sorrow – the Broncos were done, the winning streak was over. Tears of joy – there would be no wheel of punishment for Fritzy on Monday and there would be no Odorous from Gwar screaming in his earphones, "Wheel of Punishment!"

McLovin's choice for
Wheel of Punishment intro

It was rad that Gwar had halted recording their next release to record that segment open for the show. McLovin wasn’t satisfied though, no surprise. He was looking for a different or second version of the intro. Something by Kenny Loggins perhaps. He’s watched The Devil Wears Prada too many times. 

DP delivers in Chuck and Larry

Back to the game of the dueling birds. It’s not holding the attention the way the games did yesterday. Flipping back and forth between the game and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry – "I’m sorry, I don’t speak gay-ineese." This line from DP cracks me up every time. Not because it’s from DP, but the delivery is made by a character in a police uniform (think Village People) wearing a 70’s porn mustache. Sadler’s parallel writing on this film was at it’s best.

Tough guy in 90's Zubaz

There were also leaps of joy at the Perloff house that made sense only to the one male in the home. McLovin will not need to wear Fritzy’s unwashed, commando worn Zubaz Broncos pants. His brave prediction paid off. McLovin did make a future request that Dan passed on to Fritzy: If Fritzy is wearing the Zubaz pants, he needs to wear some form of underwear. The pants are form fitting in the wrong part of Fritzy’s form. Who wants to see that, really. 









Not a Dog, but a Puppy

Where's his collar and leash?

Dan may not have a dog at work, but he does have a puppy. An insecure puppy that follows him about if Dan gets out of sight. The puppy can be scruffy and smelly at times and has shaggy hair. He has problems seeing sometimes and isn’t very coordinated, knocking things over. He’s made messes in the studio and his manners are sometimes lacking. Dan feeds him and takes him to special places but the puppy doesn’t always do as he’s told. Still, Dan loves having him as entertainment and occasional company so the puppy isn’t going anywhere no matter what he does or doesn’t do. 

(Don’t confuse this with intentional shadowing 
to push Dan’s buttons a la Seton.)


                Shaping Youth

Shaping 8 year old
 boys everywhere 

Have you ever wondered what events have helped make some of the Danettes the way they are? We learned that movies played a role for both Paulie and Fritzy. For Paulie at age 11, it was Midnight Express – a father and son bonding experience. Also Hooper watched back to back with his dad. For Fritzy at age 8, it was Private Lessons instead of Apple Dumpling Gang thanks to a wayward adult.