Sharper than Sharpe, Wearing a Little Thin & More

From 01-21-13

How Do They Do It?

DP gets fired up with SOTD

DP is getting older, yes it’s true. He still appreciates a good head bang but wonders how the heavy metal bands do it every night for an hour or more. Dan was screaming along with the SOTD intro, which put Seton into head down, giggle mode. By the end of the short intro he was nearly all rocked out and red faced jetting up out of his chair and fist pumping. Getting old is a…

Sharper than Sharpe

So Sterling Sharpe was upset with Bill Belichick because he didn’t stop and talk to Steve Tasker from CBS. Was this really what was bothering him or did Sterling need to come up with something for post-game face time. What was better than what Sterling said on air was Fritzy imitating Sterling Sharpe because he didn’t think Seton had audio, which he did. Now if Sterling had said the things that Fritzy had in his imitation, that would have been more interesting TV. Even if Belichick had stopped and talked to Tasker, would he have said anything noteworthy? This is a low, soft talking, mumbler we’re talking about after all. After listening to his post-game presser, there was nothing to be gained.  Unitl it was pointed out to you, did you notice?  Did you care?

Bronze Linings Playbook

DP agrees JL was Golden Globes worthy

Short and sweet - Dan’s movie review of Silver Linings Playbook: It started out as an A+ that sloped to a B- by the end of the movie because they lost the momentum they had in the beginning on the subject matter for the storyline by the half to three quarter mark of the movie.  Great performances by all the actors it just needed a little help with the script to make it a really good movie. 

DP Viewing Alert

Dan will be part of the pre-game and half time telecast of the Pro Bowl on NBC, Will he get a chance to ask a player – do you really want to be here? What was in your gift bag? You can catch the Pro Bowl on NBC Sunday, January 27^th, beginning at 7 pm. Dan will be interviewing Joe Flacco and Collin Kaepernick from the New Orleans man cave to air during half time of the Pro Bowl. Will a Danette photo bomb the interview and make it to prime time network air? Must see TV.

Wearing a Little Thin

Have mock headlines frayed too far?

So what is it that is wearing a little thin with mock headlines? Mock headlines themselves? Quality submissions by Fritzy? Quality subject matter for the headlines? Frequency? Repetitive headlines? The number of headlines? Would three really good ones be better than twelve headlines of which there are nine crickets and three really good ones? It can’t be fans versus Fritzy. That’s only been done three times and done well. Whatever you choose, maybe a break is needed to freshen this up again. Five good seconds isn’t a daily feature. Either is ATG. SOTD is a shared effort. Fritzy asks for the abuse he gets and is then a poor sport in defeat with his bitter, sullen attitude. Maybe a little mock vaca to reboot the mock batteries is just what this segment needs.

Keep Your Hands to Yourself, McTe'o ?, Can't Let Go & More

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Big brother is watching

Just as Elway’s framed jersey has taken abuse, so has Fergie’s bust. It’s one thing to think about doing something, like Seton did, it’s another thing to do it like Fritzy and McLovin. Yes, poor Fergie’s bust has been felt up by McLovin at least once, and most likely numerous times by Fritzy. Dan says the bust is something to be viewed and admired, Fritzy feels it’s something that you should touch. Dan tried to clean off the fingerprints with the sleeve of his pull over but had to leave the fingerprints where Fergie had written her dedication for fear that he would wipe off the ink. Are all the cameras turned off after the show is done? Maybe having a motion sensor security camera or two would be a good addition to the man cave for after hours or the wee hours of the morning.

Fritzy Double Loser 

From the past crazy town days

Part One: During his call, Mark in MI, gave a Manti Te’o mock headline. Fritzy tried to top it with his own that he had prepared. Let’s say they just weren’t that good. For that, Fritzy lost the opportunity to do COTW and McLovin had to go in the box to fill in. DP is rarely likes women with short hair and this cougar did not make the exception to his rule. The cougar chosen was Anne Heche. Remember that hot mess of craziness?

Yes he wore this
Yes he said that

While in the box, McLovin revealed that he was wearing a LiveStrong t-shirt under his zippered jacket and said: "Lance is back, it’s just a matter of time." Don’t know about that. Coming out of the box, McLovin revealed the shirt to the Danettes as well. Not sure if they were sincere or not but they wondered if McLovin had been working out, told him that he looked pretty ripped in that shirt, asked if he was wearing a medium… something isn’t quite right here. Maybe a future set up?

He who enjoys & thanks himself
is a man who insults his wife

Part Two: Fans v Fritzy – It was ugly. Todd had not only his brother behind him but now his wife as well. Sexual references always work on the show and there were a few that met that mark. In Lance Armstrong fashion, Fritzy even tried to cheat, but was caught using a headline that was already done by the fans. A scoring penalty ensued but it didn’t matter. Even without the penalty, the fans had it in the bag: fans 10, Fritzy 5. Fritzy’s said his wife better have her A game on tonight as he’s going to need to be consoled. If she was listening to the show and heard the way he said that, ain’t no way. Chinese and Cinemax for Fritzy.



McTe’o ?

McLovin's Mysterious Mindy

Our own McLovin boosted his love life stats sometime during the18 – 22 years of age range with what he now claims was his own imaginary girlfriend. Name: Mindy Location: Ontario. Dan did see a picture of a woman McLovin said was Mindy from Ontario, but was she who he said she was? Supposedly she was the love of his life before his wife but she couldn’t cross the border and didn’t have a green card??? What else has McLovin told us that isn’t true? Did he go to Dartmouth? Does he know Brooklyn Decker and Andy Rodick? Does he live in a one-bedroom apartment with a wife and two daughters? Does he own hats that aren’t promotional? Just more of the McLovin mystery.








An F is an A, a D is a B

Typical Danette Report Card

Did you ever alter a grade on a report card before it made it to your parents? You’re not alone if you did. Paulie did, but got caught because a follow up report card that was sent in the mail. McLovin and DP both changed grades. Thanks to DP's older and more troublesome brothers, Mike and Bill, he didn’t get in trouble. Fritzy’s worse school sin was plagiarizing a limerick in the 4^th grade that was published in the school newsletter, which he later had to come clean. Which is worse, a grade change or a 4^th grader copying a limerick for a contest?










       

       Can’t Let Go

Could it be that Rich is
mad because Dan has
hair?

Rich Eisen is a good dad and a sensitive guy. His son, five year old Zander, came on at the end of the interview to say hi to Uncle Dan and give a shout out to his friends, Cara and Penelope. According to Rich, these are real friends, not imaginary, cat-fished friends. Rich was fine with letting go of his son so he could go to school but Rich can not let go of something that happened with the show. One day, way back in 2009, Rich was bumped from coming on the air for Dan Bickley from the Arizona Republic. Cut the cord to this event Rich, cut the cord.




Going Against His Own Grain   

Yep, that's DP's logo
on the label

When the morning started, McLovin was still standing by his picks of September 5^th: Ravens and Niners for the Super Bowl. Today during his Against the Grain segment everything changed. He’s now picking the Patriots, Seton’s favorite team, and the Falcons, or as McLovin pronounces it Valcons. He called an Audible, an Audible Ale-teration.











No Dan Alert

Yeah, he's ok to play

Dan is having surgery on his shoulder the Friday after the Super Bowl. Don’t worry though, although he will not be able to be in studio, he’s still been cleared to play for the Red Skins. 














Arcade Fire Tribute

The tribute went out to long time audience member, Tilly in Bloomington. If you follow Tilly on Twitter, @BigLiciousT you know that yesterday he lost his 7 ½ year old yellow lab, Harley, to cancer. 

Tilly's Harley

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....  Author unknown...

Fritzy Flies like an Eagle, McLovin Hot & Not

Fritzy Flies like an Eagle

Chip gave Fritzy wings today

It’s been a long rough road for Fritzy with mock headlines. First he was having a lack of positive response from Dan. Then came other Danettes taking their shot at the one-line zingers. Audience members saw a chink in the armor and started taking their shots. One member had some initial success, so he started calling in on a regular basis with his headlines. When that caller started to fail and everyone came rushing in like a cheetah on an antelope for Fans versus Fritzy. With a Fans versus Fritzy segment looming over his head tomorrow, Fritzy fought back and triumphed with Chip Kelly to Philadelphia headlines. He could not be topped. Our topper, Paulie, didn’t even try. Bravo Fritzy on a job well done.

McLovin Hot and Not 

Maybe it was the sweater that
 made her feel ill

Speaking of Chip Kelly, McLovin’s wheel of coaches paid off this week. Yes, it is true! McLovin’s Against the Grain segment for NFL coaching vacancies had a spin to win. Chip Kelly is going to the Eagles. McLovin is also the only one still in the running for Super Bowl picks. Can you believe it? Can we stand his ego puffing up even more if it’s a Ravens/Niners Super Bowl? Maybe we should start bracing ourselves now. Where he wasn’t hot was with former colleague Jenn Sterger. Take a look at how excited she is to sit next to him.

Tears of Sorrow Tears of Joy, Not a Dog but a Puppy, Shaping Youth

Tears of Sorrow, Tears of Joy

Odorous brings it again with
Wheel of Punishment

Sitting here with the dogs watching the birds fight it out on TV wondering if the Fritz household has recovered from yesterday. Wondering if after another group of birds, the Ravens, made the field goal that brought the second overtime, and the game to a close Saturday that there were many tears at the Fritz house. Tears of sorrow – the Broncos were done, the winning streak was over. Tears of joy – there would be no wheel of punishment for Fritzy on Monday and there would be no Odorous from Gwar screaming in his earphones, "Wheel of Punishment!"

McLovin's choice for
Wheel of Punishment intro

It was rad that Gwar had halted recording their next release to record that segment open for the show. McLovin wasn’t satisfied though, no surprise. He was looking for a different or second version of the intro. Something by Kenny Loggins perhaps. He’s watched The Devil Wears Prada too many times. 

DP delivers in Chuck and Larry

Back to the game of the dueling birds. It’s not holding the attention the way the games did yesterday. Flipping back and forth between the game and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry – "I’m sorry, I don’t speak gay-ineese." This line from DP cracks me up every time. Not because it’s from DP, but the delivery is made by a character in a police uniform (think Village People) wearing a 70’s porn mustache. Sadler’s parallel writing on this film was at it’s best.

Tough guy in 90's Zubaz

There were also leaps of joy at the Perloff house that made sense only to the one male in the home. McLovin will not need to wear Fritzy’s unwashed, commando worn Zubaz Broncos pants. His brave prediction paid off. McLovin did make a future request that Dan passed on to Fritzy: If Fritzy is wearing the Zubaz pants, he needs to wear some form of underwear. The pants are form fitting in the wrong part of Fritzy’s form. Who wants to see that, really. 









Not a Dog, but a Puppy

Where's his collar and leash?

Dan may not have a dog at work, but he does have a puppy. An insecure puppy that follows him about if Dan gets out of sight. The puppy can be scruffy and smelly at times and has shaggy hair. He has problems seeing sometimes and isn’t very coordinated, knocking things over. He’s made messes in the studio and his manners are sometimes lacking. Dan feeds him and takes him to special places but the puppy doesn’t always do as he’s told. Still, Dan loves having him as entertainment and occasional company so the puppy isn’t going anywhere no matter what he does or doesn’t do. 

(Don’t confuse this with intentional shadowing 
to push Dan’s buttons a la Seton.)


                Shaping Youth

Shaping 8 year old
 boys everywhere 

Have you ever wondered what events have helped make some of the Danettes the way they are? We learned that movies played a role for both Paulie and Fritzy. For Paulie at age 11, it was Midnight Express – a father and son bonding experience. Also Hooper watched back to back with his dad. For Fritzy at age 8, it was Private Lessons instead of Apple Dumpling Gang thanks to a wayward adult.