Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone?

Will You Miss Me When I’m Gone?  

And the Ram Truck goes to...
Seton!

If for some reason Dan didn’t make it through surgery, he has a plan, to be buried 15 feet deep because that’s the distance from the free throw line to the basket.  The Danettes jumped in that Chris Mannix would be ready to fill in right away on Monday, although Fritzy thought they should enjoy a three day weekend then return to work on Tuesday.  Dan said he would let Seton have his Dodge Ram. Although Paulie truly has been the biggest admirer, Seton is Dan’s favorite.  Dan also wanted to know what the headlines might be.  The mock headlines from Seton, the fans, a few that would like to succeed Dan and Fritzy were some of the best.  People were truly inspired. Rick Eisen felt he should be the one in the on deck circle should the position become open.  Maybe a quick call to Dan’s boss would move along the process.  Rich and Dan did wonder if deer antler spray or HGH would get Dan on the mend sooner.  Dan did say his arm was going to be in a sling and he might need some help.  That was an open invitation for an opportunity to move up in the 2013 MVD rankings. The Arcade Fire Tribute this week it went out to Dan’s surgeon – “Damn I hope you’re good!” and his anesthesiologist “I better wake up!”

Speaking of MVD Rankings  

How many times should this have
gone to someone other than
Fritzy? 1? 2?

The topic of who’s the most important Danette came up again today because Fritzy was not firm on his answer the day before.  Then the wording changed from important to MVD.  Once that happened, the whole game changed.  The vote went around the room again and you could not vote for yourself.  Paulie voted for Seton and everyone else voted for Paulie.  This is interesting because Dan has never declared Paulie MVD.  The closest he came was the year of Charlie Sheen, but it was given to Fritzy for one of his hospital stays instead.  This little team building exercise backfired and didn’t leave anyone with a good feeling including Dan.  He wondered if his sympathy for Fritzy clouded his judgement in deciding MVD, especially the Charlie Sheen year.  Hopefully this will give him a clearer perspective at the end of this year when he chooses MVD.

Chris Mannix from SI/SI.com will be filling in for Dan Friday.  

Dan plans to be back in the man cave Monday.

Cry Us A River

Cry Us a River

Next time your head begins to swell
imagine yourself no longer in the picture

If your boss had made negative comments to you either about your work or personal items you chose to share with him, then you told your wife what he said/did when you got home, would it be acceptable for your wife to text, call, email or confront your boss in any way?  Also, this is not the first time this has happened.  Actually, it’s happened multiple times. Where I come from, never in a million years would this be accepted in the work place.  With the unemployment rate what it is, would you want your spouse to take this risk for you?  No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Fortunately, Dan Patrick is an extremely understanding boss and Fritzy still has a job.  Your boss routinely picks up the tab for beer and wings.  You take this perk for granted and this doesn’t come to mind when you decide to complain to your wife about how terrible your day was at work.  Get a grip.  You’re on a national television and radio show.  You get gifts and perks through the show.  How were all those Shari’s Berries you had today? You get to go to various locations thanks to your boss/job for movie premieres, award shows, other television shows, sporting events and more.  You get to talk to and meet musicians, athletes, models and actors/actresses that you would never meet otherwise.  You’ve been in a major movie! Yet you complain and it’s ok that your wife contacts your boss to complain.  Your boss routinely listens to your woes and how you have it so much worse than everyone does.  Sven in CA was asking Dan about his surgeries and then the whole conversation, once again, became all about you.  Yes, there was a very funny moment that came from all of that complaining you did but still, really.  Look around, wise up, appreciate what you have, grow a pair and thank your wife for her support but that needs to remain at home. There are tens of thousands of people that would give up so much of the little they have to have the job you do. Look for empathy somewhere else.  If you dish it, take it, or don’t dish at all.

By the way, thank goodness McLovin's attempts to turn the show's attention to him didn't work.  PEDs are stronger than McLovin cries for attention.  All in all, I still love this show.

Givin' 'n Gettin', Be Like Gronk

Givin’ 'n Gettin’ 

Pawn in a vicious game of words

Dan didn’t start out at his best today, reportedly because of the meds he’s taking pre-surgery.  Picking up on the weakness and Dan’s fear of the upcoming surgery, Fritzy decided today would be a good day to pick on the boss and dig, dig, dig.  When Dan started to push back and the front row, Seton and Paulie, joined in, Fritzy decided things had gone too far and went from being a mean Danette, back to the big baby Danette. Fritzy made a final move by delivering a hurtful slice in answering the phone when Joe Montana called in.  It was decided long ago that when Paulie’s living football hero called in, he would be answering the phone so he could say a few words to him before Joe went on the air.  Fritzy knew what this meant to Paulie and when the phone rang, Fritzy who normally has to be told to answer the phone, jumped on it beating Paulie.  The reaction to the move was explosive and comical, especially if you were able to see the responses.  Fritzy’s move was done on purpose but with regret.  Could it be because revenge is a dish served cold and Paulie will be all over the phones the next time John Elway, Fritzy’s living football idol, is scheduled to call in?

Be Like Gronk 

Gronk likes to put on a show
Do the Dan and the Danettes?

Rob Gronkowski may have been holding back when he appeared on the show last Thursday in New Orleans, but he was back to his normal self when he was partying with friends in Las Vegas. Dancing sans shirt on stage with a couple of wrestling moves thrown in brought Dan down memory lane and he took a few of the Danettes with him with stories of shirts and no shirts.  

Danny gotta dance to Hootie

Dan was dancing shirtless in Glaskow, Scotland when he joined Hootie and the Blowfish when they were on tour long ago.  The drummer would perform shirtless and Dan always stayed within eyeshot of the stage.  It was blazing hot in the club so he took off his shirt while he was dancing.  He described his dancing as the Dougie but the Danny and creepy.  This left a lasting memory for Darius Rucker, the lead singer, and years later when he visited the Milford man cave he sang a song that included lyrics about the shirtless, dancing Dan.  

Buzzzz

Dan was also at an after Sports Center gathering of about nine guys years ago listening to RHCP where he was the viewer of a butt shaving.  Too much beer, too late the hour, too much time. Oh the things we missed learning about pre-smart phones, TMZ and social media!

Fashion swimwear

Seton during his seven year heavy party period during a good day of cups took off his shirt and put on his friend’s grandmother’s moo moo and later ended up in the koi pond. 

Any man would show what
he could for a camp
counselor like this

Fritzy recalled removing his shirt, strutting his stuff and showing off to senior counselors when he was a camp counselor in training. His back row partner, McLovin, had nothing to contribute, as usual.


It should be noted that when Dan asked this morning if any of the Danettes in their current condition would remove their shirt to dance if a persuasive female asked them to do so.  Seton and McLovin were a resounding no, Paulie would, and girdle, surgical scars and all, Fritzy would as well.  Pass on the last.

Sweet sweater vest!
Wanta trade?

Back to Paulie.  He wasn’t going to offer up any stories but Dan did for him.  A story that Paulie had forgotten about and had also forgotten that he had once told Dan.  At a frat party at Ole Miss, a girl that was wearing a T-shirt and sweater vest liked the T-shirt and sweater vest Paulie was wearing so they exchanged tops and then danced together. Oh young lust. 

Back to Reality, Super Bowl Wraps, SMH & Dangling Bits

Super Bowl Wraps 1-31/2-4

Back to Reality 

It’s back to reality for Dan, and more so, the Danettes. No more credentials needed, no celebrity shoulder rubbing, concert stages are gone, no more perks or autograph and photo requests. It’s back to driving in early morning traffic, riding the Amtrack, taking out the garbage and snow to shovel. They didn’t think they’re lives from New Orleans would stay that way did they?



Going for Father of the Year    

Screamin' for Ian

What do young women like? Good looking guys and cute animals. Dan, a father, was able to deliver in one of those areas during Super Bowl week. At the Directv Celebrity Beach Bowl, Dan was able to deliver a Josh Hutcherson meeting for his daughters by stalling Josh and his father by taking a bullet talking to the father. There was also a convenient meeting of Ian Somerhalder for them too. Sure Dan had to tell the celebs, don’t worry about the screaming girls, those were his daughters, but it was worth it. Dan won’t deliver on the other area of interest his daughters had, getting a Clydesdale. After seeing the Budweiser/Landslide commercial through the sobs of tears was a request: "Can we get a Clydesdale?" No, there will be no big ponies for the Patrick girls.


SMH
Tidbits from the last days in New Orleans:

Not smiling at the end of CBB

I team report – Celebrity Beach Bowl: Lil’ Wayne was the first celebrity ever to be escorted out of the Celebrity Beach Bowl after becoming irate with a cameraman who was a little too close and bumped Lil’ Wayne in the head with his camera.

From Dancing to Signing At one point during the Justin Timberlake concert Paulie, the stepper, and McLovin, the Ellen impersonator, realized that they were both singing along to Cry Me a River. Acceptable.

JT inspiring mischief

From Singing to Dancing Fritzy, the ‘80’s falsetto singer, was dancing along to the music and an unknown girl joined in and he reciprocated instead of stopping and walking away. The dancing turned to grinding. Really??? Dan had been asked by Fritzy at the beginning of the week to let him know if he was stepping out of bounds to help keep him in check. Dan was out on the dance floor viewing all of this calling out to Fritzy when this happened of: "Over the line! So over the line!" went on deaf ears. Fritzy also seemed to enjoy throwing the beads more than the others as well. How did Fritzy defend himself? He didn’t: "What, no grinding?" regarding the dancing and "I had to take my last chance to see some" about the last bead tosses. Not acceptable. Those are probably the words Fritzy will be hearing, amongst others, from his wife when he gets home tonight now that the stories came out.

Celebrity Admiration 

Living the good life

Who does Dan have a new respect for? Current "hot now" celeb Pitbull, who performed at the post Celebrity Beach Bowl game. Dan wouldn’t mind being Pitbull, as he is now, who seems to be enjoying a pretty good life. For now.






Other Dangling Bits in New Orleans 

Get outta
the way!

Paulie and Seton took a little too long getting through a security check and were yelled at by Mark Cuban for holding things up.

Shae!  I mean Will! with Paulie and McLovin

Will Ferrell, believed to be Shae in Irving, came up behind Paulie and McLovin at the bar while they were getting their drinks, Jack and Coke and a Diet Coke, slapped them on their backs and asked them questions about the show i.e. the NYC studio, Chris in Syracuse, etc. The boys nearly pissed their pants in surprise. Piece of trivia: Ferrell watches the show from his bathroom. What does he do in there for three hours?

You better call me!

Getting geeky – Paulie was stoked about JJ Watt offering up his cell phone number with the invite to call him anytime – big fan of the show. 

Ripa power

Michael Strahan’s popularity at the Celebrity Beach Bowl he felt didn’t come from playing football or being on Fox, but from him joining Live with Kelly, a whole different demographic. Also, thank you Strahan for walking McLovin through how to do a bro hug of mutual recognition and respect. 

Going wild in the west

When Adam Sandler called in he reminded Dan he’ll need to come up with a new voice for his part in the "to be filmed piece" of Sandler’s wild western. Working title for the film is The Ridiculous Six.

You need how many Danettes?

Emmett Smith questioned the size of Dan’s entourage and his diversity program because there were no brothers or women represented on the show other than guests. Dan reminded him that when he left ESPN these were the only people interested in following him and that having non-family member females in the attic of his house when he started probably wouldn’t have gone over very well at home. He did say that Dan’s man cave represented what a brother would do by putting his name on everything. 

Likes them tall, dark and handsome

In the don’t be fresh category – Dan came across a pretty blonde sitting alone so he introduced himself. In the course of conversation he thought she was starting to come on to him with small talk. If small talk is coming on to someone, there are tens of millions of people in trouble constantly. The pretty little blonde it turns out was Rob Riggle’s wife. Dan told Rob at the end of the radio interview Monday to give his wife Dan’s best. Coincidentally, Rob’s wife said the same thing. The final parting line was: "Tell that little kitten I said hello." Wonder if Dan used his "drowning in my blue eyes" line on her too.