Back to Reality, Super Bowl Wraps, SMH & Dangling Bits

Super Bowl Wraps 1-31/2-4

Back to Reality 

It’s back to reality for Dan, and more so, the Danettes. No more credentials needed, no celebrity shoulder rubbing, concert stages are gone, no more perks or autograph and photo requests. It’s back to driving in early morning traffic, riding the Amtrack, taking out the garbage and snow to shovel. They didn’t think they’re lives from New Orleans would stay that way did they?



Going for Father of the Year    

Screamin' for Ian

What do young women like? Good looking guys and cute animals. Dan, a father, was able to deliver in one of those areas during Super Bowl week. At the Directv Celebrity Beach Bowl, Dan was able to deliver a Josh Hutcherson meeting for his daughters by stalling Josh and his father by taking a bullet talking to the father. There was also a convenient meeting of Ian Somerhalder for them too. Sure Dan had to tell the celebs, don’t worry about the screaming girls, those were his daughters, but it was worth it. Dan won’t deliver on the other area of interest his daughters had, getting a Clydesdale. After seeing the Budweiser/Landslide commercial through the sobs of tears was a request: "Can we get a Clydesdale?" No, there will be no big ponies for the Patrick girls.


SMH
Tidbits from the last days in New Orleans:

Not smiling at the end of CBB

I team report – Celebrity Beach Bowl: Lil’ Wayne was the first celebrity ever to be escorted out of the Celebrity Beach Bowl after becoming irate with a cameraman who was a little too close and bumped Lil’ Wayne in the head with his camera.

From Dancing to Signing At one point during the Justin Timberlake concert Paulie, the stepper, and McLovin, the Ellen impersonator, realized that they were both singing along to Cry Me a River. Acceptable.

JT inspiring mischief

From Singing to Dancing Fritzy, the ‘80’s falsetto singer, was dancing along to the music and an unknown girl joined in and he reciprocated instead of stopping and walking away. The dancing turned to grinding. Really??? Dan had been asked by Fritzy at the beginning of the week to let him know if he was stepping out of bounds to help keep him in check. Dan was out on the dance floor viewing all of this calling out to Fritzy when this happened of: "Over the line! So over the line!" went on deaf ears. Fritzy also seemed to enjoy throwing the beads more than the others as well. How did Fritzy defend himself? He didn’t: "What, no grinding?" regarding the dancing and "I had to take my last chance to see some" about the last bead tosses. Not acceptable. Those are probably the words Fritzy will be hearing, amongst others, from his wife when he gets home tonight now that the stories came out.

Celebrity Admiration 

Living the good life

Who does Dan have a new respect for? Current "hot now" celeb Pitbull, who performed at the post Celebrity Beach Bowl game. Dan wouldn’t mind being Pitbull, as he is now, who seems to be enjoying a pretty good life. For now.






Other Dangling Bits in New Orleans 

Get outta
the way!

Paulie and Seton took a little too long getting through a security check and were yelled at by Mark Cuban for holding things up.

Shae!  I mean Will! with Paulie and McLovin

Will Ferrell, believed to be Shae in Irving, came up behind Paulie and McLovin at the bar while they were getting their drinks, Jack and Coke and a Diet Coke, slapped them on their backs and asked them questions about the show i.e. the NYC studio, Chris in Syracuse, etc. The boys nearly pissed their pants in surprise. Piece of trivia: Ferrell watches the show from his bathroom. What does he do in there for three hours?

You better call me!

Getting geeky – Paulie was stoked about JJ Watt offering up his cell phone number with the invite to call him anytime – big fan of the show. 

Ripa power

Michael Strahan’s popularity at the Celebrity Beach Bowl he felt didn’t come from playing football or being on Fox, but from him joining Live with Kelly, a whole different demographic. Also, thank you Strahan for walking McLovin through how to do a bro hug of mutual recognition and respect. 

Going wild in the west

When Adam Sandler called in he reminded Dan he’ll need to come up with a new voice for his part in the "to be filmed piece" of Sandler’s wild western. Working title for the film is The Ridiculous Six.

You need how many Danettes?

Emmett Smith questioned the size of Dan’s entourage and his diversity program because there were no brothers or women represented on the show other than guests. Dan reminded him that when he left ESPN these were the only people interested in following him and that having non-family member females in the attic of his house when he started probably wouldn’t have gone over very well at home. He did say that Dan’s man cave represented what a brother would do by putting his name on everything. 

Likes them tall, dark and handsome

In the don’t be fresh category – Dan came across a pretty blonde sitting alone so he introduced himself. In the course of conversation he thought she was starting to come on to him with small talk. If small talk is coming on to someone, there are tens of millions of people in trouble constantly. The pretty little blonde it turns out was Rob Riggle’s wife. Dan told Rob at the end of the radio interview Monday to give his wife Dan’s best. Coincidentally, Rob’s wife said the same thing. The final parting line was: "Tell that little kitten I said hello." Wonder if Dan used his "drowning in my blue eyes" line on her too. 

Punches Hurt, Liquor Better Be Quicker and More

Story Time with Dan 

What happens when Fritzy doesn’t have a guest booked or they don’t call in? One of two things. Either Dan talks about the topics of the day or he tells stories. DP was clearly tired of the topic of the day, Lance Armstrong, and chose to tell stories. Dan is a great storyteller, even if you’ve heard the story before, you still listen intently just in case you missed something the first time you heard it. Occasionally Dan would refer to Paulie, the keeper of DP secrets and all things DP trivia. What a crack that Paulie remembers what happened to Dan better than Dan remembers what happened to himself. 

A Celebrity Beach Bowl without
DP wouldn't be the same.

It’s times like this where you sit back and think; man, I’d love to sit and have beer and wings with this guy. Ok, for me it wouldn’t be beer, it would be something else, but the wings would still happen for sure. I think that’s why so many of us make his show must watch/listen programming. And that then carries forward. When we learn that Dan will be on this talk show or that one, we make a point to watch because we want to know what story he’s going to tell. We tune in to Turning Point, FNIA, the Olympics or Celebrity Beach Bowl because there’s not only narrative but in person interactions with sports figures and celebrities that have us talking at the water cooler the next day; Did you hear this? Did you see that? That creates this question: Is DP doing the Celebrity Beach Bowl this year? I haven’t heard him do any promos and what runs on TV doesn’t promote anyone but Pitbull doing the after concert. Hmmm.

Who He Would if He Could 

No second chance interview

If Dan were asked to do the Armstrong interview he would wonder why he was the chosen one. Would it be because he considered soft and easily swayed or intimidated? Dan doesn’t have to worry about that happening anytime soon. If he could have had a do over with anyone he had previously interviewed it would have been Dale Earnhardt Sr. but that opportunity would never come again as Dale had his fatal accident two weeks later.

Forever Smiling Paulie

Don't look now, Paulie, you're forever smiling
on Sugar's thigh

Sugar has recovered from his accident and he’s sporting new ink.  It was revealed today that the new tat is Paulie.  The tat isn’t quite right.  McLovin said Paulie looked like Dwight D. Eisenhower but that’s not it.  In the tattoo Paulie is smiling and showing joy.  That’s rare Paulie, not normal Paulie.  That doesn’t mean it’s not a quality tattoo, because it is.  It’s just not the Paulie that we all know.  Leave it to Fritzy to go to pervyland.  He described watching someone in the shower with your likeness on their thigh as bizarre.  He said he would be flattered if Sugar had his likeness tattooed next but did he have to go there?  To a shower scene with another man?  He couldn’t just say he would feel bizarre seeing the tat, he had to see it in the shower? Seton would like to be the last of the Danettes to be inked, like in movie credits, and featuring … Seton.  Not shy of a tattoo needle, Dan suggested everyone get inked on the LA trip.  Seton and Two-a-Days were all in.  Fritzy and McLovin pass due to religious beliefs.  If Casey were going, he would do it, but what about Paulie?  Buzzzzz, bleed, buzzzzzz, bleed.

Liquor Better Be Quicker

If this was the image in your mind, could
you do a body shot off Fritzy?

Proud as a dad who witnessed birth and giving a little "take that Mothership!" attitude, Dan installed the Audible Ale tap today. Dad later became more like a big brother betting against Seton on the closest to the pin with the loser doing a body shot off of Fritzy. I was glad he repeated it because I couldn’t believe my ears the first time. Loser and furthest from the pin was Seton, even with Seton hittin’ it with the new Callaway driver and Dan needing surgery on his shoulder, Dan was still the better driver. Talk about bad images coming into your head. Really Dan? A body shot off of Fritzy! Hope he doesn’t hold Seton to that. It could scar the guy for life. 

The McReprimandWant to see McLovin get cut down a notch or two? Here’s how things started Tuesday morning, relived Wednesday morning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZOxkwrDrTI&feature=youtu.be

DP Peeve

DP face just prior to cray cray mode.

Want to take a page out of Seton’s book of how to make DP nuts? If Dan makes a suggestive statement and appears to be trying to get you to go along and agree with his opinion, do what Seton does when he doesn’t agree. Say this: "Maybe, ok, sort of, I’m not going to say your wrong." Not giving your true opinion makes an opinionated person cray cray.

            Punches Hurt

Punches hurt except on Roenick's jaw

Dan knows that pain hurts. Not only physical pain but also the pain words can bring. Seton called Dan fat and so Dan is trying to eat better. When Casey confronted Dan about calling Fritzy the same thing that Seton called Dan, Dan admitted that he doesn’t always realize what he says. What goes around comes around and this was a punch to the gut in more ways than one.