A Man's Bathroom is His Castle and More

We Love NYC

An Empty NYC Studio waiting
 for Dan, Danettes & guests

Why do we love NYC? As Jeff in Detroit reminded us, that’s where the show is able to get in studio guests more easily. Dan brings out the best of a guest when they’re face to face in studio. It’s difficult to get people to come to Milford, so the NYC man cave has been a real gem. Milford seems like such a homey town on TV. Who wouldn't want to visit there? Apparently, anyone who is a celebrity. Dan is only a week out of a six month, six to seven day workweek thanks to the NFL season and his work with NBC, not that he’s complaining. We’re not asking Dan to work extra days to get in studio guests, just utilize the NYC studio more often during the NFL off-season to get more in studio guests.

Thoughts and Prayers

Hit hard all day long

Thoughts and prayers go out to Stuart Scott from ESPN who announced that he is battling stomach cancer. This is his third fight and we are behind him to win this one too.  In 2007 it was found that he had cancer of the appendix when he had an appendectomy.  In 2011 he fought against small intestinal cancer.  








Past Armstrong Moment
Dan’s favorite Lance Armstrong moment was while doing the commercial for ESPN with Lance powering the ESPN building while riding his bike. Dan used mind games with Lance during the filming to bring the most out of him. They were only given a 30 minute window to shoot and they shot the commercial in New York. Lance wanted to know how he was stacking up against the other athletes that had come in and done commercials for the network. Dan boasted about the other sports stars to use Lance’s competitiveness to get the job done in the short time they had and get the best results. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmzeKNiMkAs

　
Fans v. Fritzy

The shadow of disappointment over
his shoulder

Topic revealed for the next face off is Lance Armstrong. The show down will be either Thursday or Friday. That’s plenty of time for Paulie to collect responses from the audience, but will it be too long for Fritzy’s head to second guess his initial ideas? Fritzy’s already going on the defense by saying this has become a nation versus one man. Ah, Fritzy, the nation responded quickly to that statement. It’s two men (Fritzy and his brother the writer) versus a nation. Come on creative word turners out there, send in your best shots!

California Trip Update
Dan announced today that in approximately a month, Dan and the Danettes would be making an appearance TBA in California. In addition to the Danettes, Two-a-Days will be there too. Are they sure they want to bring him along? They might not get him back…Hollywood!

http://instagram.com/p/UZq0_lIfS2/

  Hurt Feelings and Finger 

Momento from the future 2013
summer intern?

Special FedEx delivery yesterday while Dan and the boys were having beer and wings. Some times special deliveries become less special when someone spoils what could have been a surprise for everyone. As Dan was opening the FedEx envelope, Seton leaned over and caught a glimpse and remarked – you got a script. Dan loves a surprise and Seton spoiled Dan’s surprise. To add injury to insult, when Dan was handling the envelope this morning, he got a nice, deep, bloody paper cut. Well, it wasn’t the script Seton was thinking. It wasn't possibly a role in an upcoming Sandler movie. It was another script. In the FedEx envelope was a copy of the script for the 100^th episode of The Big Bang Theory that was signed by the cast with a couple of messages from Jim Parsons. 1. Next to the word Bang on the cover, Jim wrote in biscuit to make the phrase "Bang Biscuit!" 2. Message on the cover for McLovin – Thank you for letting me intern. I’ll be back some day McLovin. 3. Message to Dan – It was the most fun he had in 2012 and hopes to see them in 2013. Be afraid McLovin. Be very afraid.

      A Man’s Bathroom is His Castle

No positive thoughts behind the bathroom
door today

Dan doesn’t have many rules, but one of his rules is you don’t use his bathroom without his case by case consent. This morning Dan found a cup of Starbucks coffee in his bathroom. Dan doesn’t drink Starbucks coffee. He drinks Starbucks vente skim chai. McLovin drinks coffee and it helps him make it during his drive home from the studio to Brooklyn. A bathroom stop before the ride home was needed but the hall bathroom was unavailable, so he used Dan’s bathroom instead. McLovin was caught this morning by leaving evidence that he had been there and had no choice to go against his natural instincts of lying. He knew there would be the WOP or possibly worse if he did. Would his being honest this morning change his questioned morals or poor work ethic in the future? No. Dan knocked him down a notch saying McLovin isn’t like the original three Danettes, they respect Dan’s rules. To McLovin every things a game, and as Seton would say, his apology was weak sauce. Did McLovin receive the message? Probably not. Will Dan need to do a bathroom lock out? We’ll just have to wait and see.




　

Play Offs Play with Emotions

Play Offs Play with Emotions

McLovin was saved by a bird

Some people were walking tall and talking big today as they had the good fortune to predict that the Broncos would not win Saturday only to back track in the box.  McLovin wanted to be called McSurething or McGenius.  He was even wearing a genius tag on his hat in studio.  McLovin had been quiet for the most part over the weekend to Dan, which is unusual but not so quiet on Twitter, displaying some angst towards the end of the game. Maybe it was because he was busy picking out five outfits that would go with the blue and orange Zubaz pants in the event that Denver won.  He did take out time to ask Fritzy to wash the pants just in case, but Fritzy refused because Dan said they had to be as worn.

Fritzy felt burned by a horse

Fritzy was moans and groans.  Even though he had no wheel of fortune waiting for him this morning, the biting reality that his team was out and gone was still hurtful.  Fritzy reported that there was crying, ranting and cursing on the home front but from his 10 year old son, not himself. Fritzy had any and all Bronco related items out in hopes of a win but those items did his team no good. 

Duhamel still living in the past

Josh Duhamel text in to Dan: Wins in Denver as a Bronco, Tebow 1 Manning 0.  Suck it Hodge!  This was a continuance of the Duhmel vs. Hodge war after Merril Hoge from ESPN said that Tebow was as phony as a $3 bill.  

Brian's golden halo is gone

Brian Baumgartner had asked Dan on Brian’s way to the 49ers/Packers game: Who you got?  Dan replied the 9ers who he picked a long time ago to go to the Super Bowl.  Baumgartner was disappointed in Dan’s answer, as Brian’s a Packers fan.  He was probably disappointed on the drive home too. 


Here’s to less emotional AFC/NFC Championship games for the man cave.

Tears of Sorrow Tears of Joy, Not a Dog but a Puppy, Shaping Youth

Tears of Sorrow, Tears of Joy

Odorous brings it again with
Wheel of Punishment

Sitting here with the dogs watching the birds fight it out on TV wondering if the Fritz household has recovered from yesterday. Wondering if after another group of birds, the Ravens, made the field goal that brought the second overtime, and the game to a close Saturday that there were many tears at the Fritz house. Tears of sorrow – the Broncos were done, the winning streak was over. Tears of joy – there would be no wheel of punishment for Fritzy on Monday and there would be no Odorous from Gwar screaming in his earphones, "Wheel of Punishment!"

McLovin's choice for
Wheel of Punishment intro

It was rad that Gwar had halted recording their next release to record that segment open for the show. McLovin wasn’t satisfied though, no surprise. He was looking for a different or second version of the intro. Something by Kenny Loggins perhaps. He’s watched The Devil Wears Prada too many times. 

DP delivers in Chuck and Larry

Back to the game of the dueling birds. It’s not holding the attention the way the games did yesterday. Flipping back and forth between the game and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry – "I’m sorry, I don’t speak gay-ineese." This line from DP cracks me up every time. Not because it’s from DP, but the delivery is made by a character in a police uniform (think Village People) wearing a 70’s porn mustache. Sadler’s parallel writing on this film was at it’s best.

Tough guy in 90's Zubaz

There were also leaps of joy at the Perloff house that made sense only to the one male in the home. McLovin will not need to wear Fritzy’s unwashed, commando worn Zubaz Broncos pants. His brave prediction paid off. McLovin did make a future request that Dan passed on to Fritzy: If Fritzy is wearing the Zubaz pants, he needs to wear some form of underwear. The pants are form fitting in the wrong part of Fritzy’s form. Who wants to see that, really. 









Not a Dog, but a Puppy

Where's his collar and leash?

Dan may not have a dog at work, but he does have a puppy. An insecure puppy that follows him about if Dan gets out of sight. The puppy can be scruffy and smelly at times and has shaggy hair. He has problems seeing sometimes and isn’t very coordinated, knocking things over. He’s made messes in the studio and his manners are sometimes lacking. Dan feeds him and takes him to special places but the puppy doesn’t always do as he’s told. Still, Dan loves having him as entertainment and occasional company so the puppy isn’t going anywhere no matter what he does or doesn’t do. 

(Don’t confuse this with intentional shadowing 
to push Dan’s buttons a la Seton.)


                Shaping Youth

Shaping 8 year old
 boys everywhere 

Have you ever wondered what events have helped make some of the Danettes the way they are? We learned that movies played a role for both Paulie and Fritzy. For Paulie at age 11, it was Midnight Express – a father and son bonding experience. Also Hooper watched back to back with his dad. For Fritzy at age 8, it was Private Lessons instead of Apple Dumpling Gang thanks to a wayward adult. 

Fritzy Foot Fouls, Movie Talk, Fans v Fritzy and More

　

Movie Talk

Blonde?

Whose movie taste do you trust?  If the Danettes gave you their opinion on a movie, would you watch it? The movie In Bruges, a dark comedy with Colin Farrell and Ralph Fiennes was brought in for Dan to watch.  Paulie considers it fantastic, one of the top ten films of all time. The more he watches it the better it gets.  Seton said it was a really good movie.  McLovin said it wasn’t bad.  Keep in mind that any time The Devil Wears Prada is on, McLovin watches it.  Fritzy, well Dan didn’t dare go to Fritzy for his opinion.  Fritzy’s critique would only be on the actress, Clemence Poesy, who Jesse Palmer thinks is incredibly hot.  Hotter than Homeland’s Morena Baccarin?

Or Brunette?

That’s My Boy Nominated

For a Razzie that is. If there’s a red carpet, Dan and the boys will be there. How about gift bags? Appetizers? A Miss Razzie? Who’s their competition? So much anticipation. The entire cast was recognized, not favorably, but still recognized. Trophies for everyone? We’ll have to see if they win.

      Career Advice

Guidance Counselor Burgundy

One of the memorable final moments of Dan being with ESPN was when Will Ferrell called in, in the character of Ron Burgundy, from Anchorman, to give Dan career advice upon his leaving the network. Ferrell stayed in character for a good 8-9 minutes on air with Dan.









Wheel of Punishment Violation?

McLovin man enough to sport
thiese sides?

McLovin returned today without his mustache. Now the question becomes, did he violate the wheel of punishment? Plus, what happened to all of those things that McLovin said the mustache did for him? He was empowered, there was a new vibe he was getting from women, and he felt like a new man. He claims it was giving him respiratory problems, that it was becoming a hideous growth by curling in and it was getting uglier. McLovin says he’ll do something special for sweeps, like grow out George Foster sideburns, to make up for the loss. Don’t hold your breath everyone because we know how good he is at follow through. Doesn’t he realize that the ugly mustache would have been better for the show? eDP owns your likeness when you become part of the show. McLovin’s hair, anywhere on his head, his walk, his lack of athletic display, Dan owns all of that. Sure, there’s a limit to the value, but DP still owns it. McLovin is sometimes exhausting entertainment, but he’s still entertainment. R.I.P. @McLovinsstache (original). In its place during The Box Score Show, Casey Geraghty gave McLovin a Sharpie stache that looked better than the original, from a distance. He lost a few epithelial cells during the break, but the Sharpie stache is gone now too.

Possible NYC Guest Monday

Where am I going to be Monday?

Charlie Sheen contacted Dan. Charlie is going to be in NYC next week and would like to stop by the NYC man cave. Now this is Charlie, and he’s not what you would characterize as fully dependable or fully organized in planned thought so this may not occur. If it does, it would be another fine DP Show moment.






            Speaking of NYC

The boys are readying themselves
for New Orleans

Have you seen the promo piece shot in the NYC man cave for the upcoming road trip to New Orleans for the Super Bowl? Pompous McLovin, Paulie with no joy, Seton’s facial expressions and whoever’s scream that was, topped by Fritzy’s exhibitionous display. Laugh not only at content but the guys wearing make up too. Funny stuff. Great job Directv people on another original promo.





Locker Room Vacant

Under renovation

We learned the reason that the website locker room is down. That portion of the audience participation is being updated. It coincides with improvements associated with the addition of NBC Sports Network. Dan appreciates the audience and what that brings to the show just as much as the audience appreciates that this is something that differentiates DP from other sports shows. The locker room will be back. It needs to come back. It provides an enormous percent of McLovin’s content on the show.

Fans v Fritzy

Baseball HOF Mock headlines edition. It seems that this will be a regular segment as there was intro music made for the piece. The jabs were flying back and forth between Paulie, representing the fans and Fritzy. Then Fritzy learning from the past took a walk off on his line - Juice for Jesus. Then the fans came back one more time with Back Back Bacne. Fritzy couldn’t resist and wanted a bonus round, a one off winner take all with Sven in CA being the final fan headline even though Paulie still had two in the bag. Fritzy went first because he asked for the bonus round and went with his Dire Straits take off. Instead of going with either of the headlines Paulie was holding, they went to Sven who WHIFFED. Overall the fans had better headlines but the win went to Fritzy. Was the decision thrown because Dan knew he would loose Fritzy for the rest of the show if he had lost? Hmmm. In the end, it’s better to play with others than to play with yourself.

Special Deliveries to the Man Cave

One of Dan’s basketball idols is Pete Maravich. He showed an action figure that came with a hand written letter from Pete Maravich to the fan that originally had the figurine and letter. That fan had now sent it on to Dan. This was a special piece for Dan that is on his side of the studio.

Another special item on Dan’s side is a firefighter helmet from Edwardsville, IL. Love and admiration to first responders! @rushdude

He doesn't need a designer,
he needs a barber.

The head of Sony, Steve Mosko, asked Dan who the set decorator was for the show. Dan told him that this was a former dance studio that the DIY Man Cave show did the bones renovation and the rest was all Dan. Is there an Emmy for TV show set design?





Social News

From Ralph Lauren to Derek Jeter

From the social news department of the show: Derek Jeter is dating Ralph Lauren model, Hannah Davis. Step up, step down or lateral move for Jeter? Dan and the boys approve, do you?




Fritzy Foot Fouls

Ride, then drive....away

Fritzy’s foot found it’s way to his mouth again. In making analogies of college coaches talking to other teams while they were under contract with someone else Fritzy had to chime in. Dan had been talking about the relationship between the school and coach as a marriage. Fritzy added that he saw nothing wrong with test driving a car (mistress), because it doesn’t mean you’re going to sell old one you have now (wife). Should make for interesting conversation when he gets home.

How does that taste.
Chew good, swallow hard.

Fritzy also claims that he had not talked to anyone about other job opportunities. Talks, not offers. The I Team believes they have something here and the wheel of punishment is on the line. Stay tuned for updates to come. Go I Team Go!

#SickLovin, Yummy Bowl of Skittles, Mothership Miss and More

#SickLovin

Do you see McLovin's two little girls
under there anywhere?

If you’re a fan of The Dan Patrick Show, then you admire the turn of a word. Yes, McLovin, true to his word, decided not to come in today although he was able to do what he does on the show at home – sit in a chair and watch Dan. The email he sent to Dan the night before explaining his absence today even included the word cough in parenthesis. Really?!? He did call in to gain sympathy. None given. He was actually doing the show a favor by staying home today. A little return to the way things used to be before he joined the show was a breath of freshness. He vowed to Dan that he’ll be in tomorrow.  Do you think McLovin is as dramatic at home 
as he is on the show?  Heaven help his wife if he is.

New Stuff in the Man Cave

Thank you Red Hook - The tap for Dan and the Danettes new ale is sick!

Sick as in rad, not sick as in McLovin.

Sweet !

Bam! Nice combo piece – South Carolina’s Jadeveon Clowney’s gloves and chin strap worn at the time of "the hit" in the Outback Bowl. No word from Michigan if Vincent Smith will be sending in the same items for a matched set.

Socks are the thing – Marcus Lattimore sent in a grouping: socks, a headband and his gear bag from his last healthy game at South Carolina.

The collection of random memorabilia continues to entertain us all.

Yummy Bowl of Skittles

I like the green ones

Back in the eighties, Dan visited the clubhouse of a National League team. On a table, out in the open, in a side room to the main lockerroom was a fish bowl of what appeared to be something candy like, like Skittles, M&Ms or Jolly Ranchers where you could just reach in and grab a handful. When Dan asked "What's this?", he learned that it was actually a bowl of "greenies" a.k.a. amphetamines available for open consumption. Alright, he got it.  They're not legal, but it wasn't something that was going to change your physical appearance.  They were considered more of a temporary alertness helper.  Is that any worse than what you may find in a clubhouse today – Red Bull, Monster, 5 Hour Energy or any of the other "pick me ups" anyone can buy anywhere? Just asking.

           Chris in Syracuse

Hope things work out for you soon!

You’ve asked before, and here’s the latest: Paulie was in contact with Chris. He’s got stuff going on at home but he’s doing ok. He’s listening, but can’t take part in the show. Dan, the Danettes and everyone concerned will be happy to have him back when he’s able. Miss you Chris! 



Mothership Miss

The good, the bad, it's ugly

To no surprise, ESPN got it wrong again.  They issued an apology to Katherine Webb for what Brent Musburger said during the BCS Championship game when she didn’t expect or want one.  Yet when Steven A. Smith uses a racial slur on air there’s no apology.  Continue on with your inconsistent consistency.

　

　

Tales from South Beach, Hanging Off Emmy and More

Tales from South Beach

Look! I played ball too!

Dan saw Jesse Palmer of Bachelor and Florida football fame. Women would just approach him and ask to take a picture with him because they loved him on the Bachelor not knowing or caring that he was once hot in the college ranks as well. Pop culture.

Oh! Greg! There you are!

Dan didn’t realize it at first, but he ran across Greg McElroy from the Jets. He told McElroy if he had turned around and laid on his back, as if he had been sacked, Dan would have recognized him sooner. Greg didn’t think it was that funny. Come on man, loosen up!

Situation Not. Good.

Needing to be shady and not another type of shady at the same time, Dan was faced with a beach decision. As Dan was returning from his walk on the beach, he ran across a group of topless women and a couple of guys sun bathing. Dan could not look, only glance, as he didn’t have his sunglasses. One of the guys was putting lotion on his girlfriend’s back and recognized Dan. He invited Dan to finish applying the lotion. Dan declined the offer as well as the offer to have a beer with them. Nothing good would have come of either of those exchanges. Surely TMZ, Radar Online or Dead Spin would have caught either participation. In the words of Brady Hoke from Michigan, "Not. Good."

Who's Brent spotting now?

What does everyone agree was missing from Brent Musburger’s creepy, old guy description of AJ McCarren’s girlfriend, who was sitting in the stands watching the game? One of Fritzy’s hug moans – "Hmmm."









Silent Voices from the Past  

Facebook finds the interior crack

It’s been 30 years and Dan still talks about the one that got away, Jenny Bashee. So who sends him a Facebook friend request during the first segment of the show. You guessed it. What’s her motivation for opening old wounds? Who knows? She put our man Dan in a tailspin during the break - crossing his arms in defense, looking down at the floor, pacing, and seeking Danette advice. Fortunately, Dan’s a pro, he was able to make a valiant come back and move on once he was back behind the mic. Woman, unless your hair was on fire, you were tied to a chair and Dan was the only one on earth, you don’t 
contact Dan with this type of stuff while 
he’s on the air!


                Top Elephant

Twitter brings the mock headlines
Bama's elephant brought the crush

There was no way there were not going to be great mock headlines generated by the BCS Championship game. But who would provide the best? Random tweets Paulie took last night? Sven in Ca? Fritzy? The best headlines came from the random tweets that Paulie took last night. Watch out! New kids in town!




Hanging Off Emmy  

Kevin's mug

New item in the man cave today now hanging from the Emmy on the turnstile as part of Dan’s desk – an autographed coffee mug Brian Baumgartner sent that looks like him.  It came off of his desk that was on the set of The Office.  

Yep, still smelly

Earlier on, Dan received Jack Taylor’s record breaking, game worn socks.

Only Paulie and Seton (sort of) know

Paulie’s working on another item for the man cave but can’t talk about it right now.  There has been a lot of jumping through hoops and going through many channels of approval.  We’re about 90% there, Paulie reports.  Dan doesn’t know what it is or who it’s coming from and tried to get a hint by asking what sport it’s coming from.  Being the great producer, Paulie wouldn’t budge.  Seton was told, but of course, doesn’t remember.

                No Emmy Here 

McLovin got his acting inspiration from
"Erica Kane" circa 1980's

Although there was lots of drama, McLovin will not be getting an Emmy for his performance in and out of the box. Maybe he’ll be able to get an additional Awful Announcing award for hamming it. "Poor me", coughing, changing his voice, collapsing on the floor as he reached for the door knob, crawling out of the box to towards the bar, grabbing the leg of a bar stool and toppling it on top of him. Susan Lucci would be proud. Even McLovin admitted he took it too far.

Who’s in Nick’s Head? 

Nick's on his way to Hotel California

Nick Saban, Head Coach from Alabama, has plans. Plans to finish recruiting loose ends and then head to the lake and play air guitar. Off his iPad he’ll be playing along with the 70’s and 80’s guitar heroes of Clapton, Who, Stones, Zeppelin and Hootie and the Blowfish. Yes, Hootie, rock icon. Even Darius Rucker would back off of that description. For what it’s worth, he’s also partials to the Eagles… band.


　

　

　

　

Who You Got?, Wanted !, The Ride In, No Dan Today

No Dan Today

Dan is soaking up the sun by day and football by night in Miami at the BCS title game. In studio today for Dan was Chris Mannix for Sports Illustrated and SI.com. Continue to reach for the stars Chris. Dan is expected back Tuesday. One day, some day, Chris you will be the one they call first because they want to call you first.  By the way, you are a better writer, better on mic, know how to wear your clothes and are more athletic than McLovin even though you’re a little on the undeveloped side torso-wise. Word – weights. Just sayin'.

           The Ride In

The bleery look?
Side effect of the car ride.

Mannix car-pooled with McLovin on the way in today. He characterized the ride as pathetic. First, McLovin isn’t a driver, he’s a rider, a train rider. Mannix is lucky he wasn’t killed on the way in. Second, it’s not a guy’s car, it’s a family car with two child seats in the back. Third, the car is a breeding ground for illness. The kids have been sick, McLovin is sick. Short of sticking his head out the car window, trying not to touch anything and then sterilizing once out, Mannix took his chances by getting in. Fourth, even when McLovin is in control he’s still not on time. Even though McLovin picked up Chris late, some how he made up time during the drive so they could barely get there in time. Mannix was right, you can’t use the kids as an excuse. That was your decision and you have to deal with it, not everyone else. McLovin’s life = birth control for others.  Chris will be taking his chances on the train for the ride home. 

       Who You Got?

It’s seems if you’re Irish, Catholic or from Indiana you’re picking Notre Dame.  If you’re rooting for Alabama it seems you’re anyone else.  At least that’s how it is where I’m from.  

It’s not all that different in the man cave today either.  Friendly little wager: Loser wears suit coat, shirt and tie the next time they work together.  Since none of them like to dress that way, it’s a matter of comfort.  Mannix took Bama, Paulie and Seton took Notre Dame.   

                  Wanted!

Ha !  
He's not going to be your coach  !

Our man Tony Dungy, FNIA, has been contacted by third parties from different NFL teams about head coaching jobs. Sorry, not interested. Maybe had he been contacted by the owners or GMs of the teams he may have felt otherwise? Respect.