The Touch & Feel of Vinyl, Go Balls to the Wall & More

Go Balls to the Wall
Adrian Peterson, running back for the Minnesota Vikings, had advice to others who have the same knee surgery he had: When you come back, don’t baby it because you’ll end up hurting yourself again. Do what you did on the field before the injury, plant, dig and turn. What was his favorite gift last year? A metal detector like you see the old guys with bucket hats, headphones and Bermuda shorts wearing on the beach digging up nickels and can tabs.

AP:  Not holding back on the field and
living the American dream on the beach

Wobbly Wheels
Earlier this week Dan talked about the possibility of taking the Danettes with him to LA next month. Road trip! What did the higher ups say about this? I’ll call you back. Not the worse, but not the most positive response that this is going to happen.

Will the Danettes stop off in Dayton on the way to LA?

Who Are You?Rush has made the Rock ‘n Roll HOF. Word got back to DP, we don’t know who you are, but thank you for being a big fan of theirs. Public Enemy was also named to the HOF and Dan asked for Fritzy to give a little PE sampling. Damn the sinuses! He had to stop after half a dozen words to clear his throat.

 A different look than when Dan first saw them
but the sound is still HOF

The Touch and Feel of VinylOne of Dan’s daughters has started to collect vinyl and he’s been saying "I used to have that", which she replies, "Why don’t you still have it?" Back: "Because I fell in love." (Dan gave up a collection of 1500 vinyl and picture discs to make room…for love.) "You’re still in love aren’t you?" "Well yeah."

Did this classic go to a bargin bin at Goodwill?!?

I’m Hip!In an effort to keep up with the changing street lingo, McLovin has consulted the younger members of the technical team in the back room after his misunderstanding of the phrase "balls out" on Monday which moved him from having street cred to suburban cul-de-sac cred. Surprised that this hasn’t fallen to Seton who is normally the much more street savvy Danette. At least McLovin is trying.

Mclovin's Hip Role Model

O Christmas Tree, Calling a Spade a Spade, & More

Dan Calls a Spade a Spade
Did you know that in order to recruit players in the NCAA you need to pass an annual recruiting test of thirty questions on NCAA rules? If you did know before today, GOOD FOR YOU! Bobby Petrino, the Kentucky football head coach, found out he passed his test and can go out and recruit. That was probably the most informative part of the interview. What could have made it better? Petrino being open and honest and not skirt the issues when Dan threw the tough questions his way. Dan isn’t disingenuous with his guests or with his audience. If he calls a spade a spade on the air before they come on, he does it while they’re on the air too. Unlike other radio shows that say one thing when the guest isn’t on the air and another when they are. It wasn’t Petrino’s affair that Dan was after, it was that he hired his mistress for an opening at the Arkansas athletic department violating rules and how when he left the Atlanta Falcons he told the players by leaving a note in their lockers. 

How far will Petrino’s remorse get him?

O Brother Where Art Thou?
Fritzy needed his brother’s help in more ways then one today. One of the problems was the mock headlines on the Patriots/Texans game that only earned a "That’s terrible" from Seton and groans from everyone else on the first submission. From there, not a single sound effect, not even crickets. To top that, he was followed by Sven who didn’t have to do anything more than breathe to be better than Fritzy. The writer brother was so missed and needed.

Even dogs can get in on Fritzy's first mock headline!

Sven in CA’s Grudenisms only Jon understands:

Wham break

Dagger squad combination

Short area quickness

Peek-a-boo sack 

And my favorite:

Big iron gear on your lawn

Football linguist from another planet

Second problem Fritzy encountered was the report of his time with the make up artist for the NYC promo shoot yesterday. Poor Lana. She was probably just short of saying "My eyes are up here!" and putting in some ear plugs. Fritzy is a chatterer. The kind that either out of nervousness or because they like hearing the sound of their voice, or they just don’t know any better, talk and talk and talk and talk. Even if you’ve tuned them out, and they know you have tuned them out, continue to talk. 

Did Lana really need to know Fritzy had a hernia surgery coming up?

Can Danette Deficiency Help Dan Win?

Dan was nominated for the National Sportscaster of the Year award with a bunch of play by play guys. They have it easy, watch a game, talk with analyst, talk with players, go home.  The voting committee needs to factor in difficulty before deciding the award. The difficulty of who you work with each day determines your worth. If the voting committee did that, Dan would be a multi-time winner. Dan was able to put the Danettes in what will probably be their one and only movie! That should garner a lifetime achievement award! As a reminder this is what Dan is working with:

Fritzy – mock headlines, cougar of the day, constant emailing pictures of women
Paulie – has no joy, obsessed with soccer, meanest Danette
Seton – can’t figure out who the winner of a TV is, fights with McLovin like a brother
McLovin – Where do you start? Where do you stop?

Here’s a list of other nominees in Dan’s category:

National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association 

National Sportscaster Nominees 

Al Michaels, NBC

Bob Costas, NBC/MLB Network

Dan Patrick, NBC/"The Dan Patrick Show"

Dan Shulman, ESPN

Brad Nessler, ABC/ESPN/NFL Network

Jim Nantz, CBS

Joe Buck, Fox

Mike Tirico, ESPN/ABC

Mike Emrick, NBC

Kevin Harlan, CBS/TNT

Could any other nominee than Dan win with this support staff?

O Christmas Tree!

Back in the Miford man cave and we find that the Christmas tree is up and the Menorah is lit. 2012 ornaments are starting to come in. Dan and the Danettes did a viewing of the ornaments received so far and Dan has a message for one special audience member: He can’t be bribed, because of it’s questionable content he can’t take it home, and it can’t go up on the tree but he can be entertained. For someone at the Mothership that still knows a good thing when they see/hear it, he did receive your ESPN ornament for the tree. He has no problem with that. Dan loves his ESPN staff audience. Would ESPN have a problem with an ornament from DP’s show up on the ESPN Christmas tree in their lobby? Seton’s current mission is occupy Christmas tree but he needs to do it in a covert manner, so no help from the audience please. He knows you’re enthusiastic helpers, but for this one he needs to go it alone.

His sleepy look is only cover for his trickery

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

You have no balls but the lights are neat.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

You need a hot chick to make you sweet.

Fritzy creeps the girls away, 

Danny Jaw Face hates those days.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

It may be only men that touch thee.

Will Chrissy make a return appearance this year?

You can send your 2012 ornament to:

The Dan Patrick Show

P.O. Box 591 

Milford, CT 06460

Ornaments will be eligible win a gift!

Toting Heisman, Great Football Mind Bad Coach?, How Are You Better Off?

Toting Heisman
Johnny "Football" Manziel, the Texas A&M QB made a visit to the NYC man cave today with Heisman Trophy in tow. From the not so obvious, he said he would like to keep the Heisman next to him in his bed forever, and that it would be ok to let his offensive linemen each have it for a day there was a warning from Dan to not let team mates play "hide the Heisman." Thinking the last item may create a small challenge considering the size and shape of the trophy and that it weighs about fifty pounds.

This was either the best or the worse stop of Johnny's day

Great Football Mind, Bad Coach?
Does Tony Dungy think Peyton Manning, who seeks perfection in himself and others, would be a good coach or analyst? Coach? No, he has a hard time understanding why others don’t put in the time and effort that he does. Analyst? Yes, but he would need to learn and understand that there are time limitations to what can be said and done. So if Peyton became an analyst after his playing days were done, what network would better suit his personality and style? NBC, ESPN, CBS, FOX or NFL Network? Or could Peyton alter his way of thinking and become a good coach? He’s had to make adjustments since his injury and leaving the Colts, so maybe he could learn to be more accepting and become a coach.

Is the suit and tie uniform the best fit for
Peyton after playing is done?

How Are You Better Off?
That’s become a question of late. Are you better off using the car service of the NFLPA or Player Protection and not risk a DUI or accident involving yourself or others that could result in damage, injury or worse? Or do you continue to take the "this is more convenient, I’m worried about my car, I can make it, I don’t want to take a chance that someone else will know and effect my contract or future negotiations" approach? Any anti-drunk driving organization would have no problem answering that question. But how about you? Take a walk in all the different pairs of shoes and there are more hard questions than easy answers.

If you have rules that are set by your employer whether it be the NFL or McDonalds, and you make the choice to not abide by those rules, you pay a consequence. It may be a reprimand, a slap on the wrist, it could effect future promotions or raises, it could become public knowledge, it could mean losing your job. Are those things worse than injury or death to yourself or others?

Would you reach out for help?
Would you help an outreached hand?

People celebrate. Everyone knows and accepts that. What they don’t accept is when you don’t make the responsible choice when you over celebrate. That doesn’t only apply to athletes and celebrities, but to everyone. If you are excessive in the amount of times you celebrate, is it wrong that someone is concerned about your welfare and speaks with you pre-emptively? Could that conversation serve as a needed wake up call? Or is that something that you turn a blind eye to? Do you not want to deal with grievences by a union or a legal representative if you fine, sit or cut someone? When does safety of yourself and others come together with personal freedom? When does common sense amongst all parties become most important? When do the options and services available to you really become confidential and not confidential to a point? What does it take to realize you’re not invincible? This is the culture we live in and this is just a small sampling of many other questions and answers no one seems to agree upon.

What we can celebrate is that as of Sunday, seven NFL players turned in their personal guns last week. One of those players, who had multiple guns, said he no longer trusted having them. Maybe more people will follow these players leads now that the word is out. One more question: Why would you want to go somewhere that you didn’t feel safe if you didn’t need to?

Work together to find a peaceful middle

Lack of Action, Loss of Life RIP Jerry Brown

Lack of Action, Loss of Life
Dan says all the time on the show when there is an incident involving alcohol, driving and a professional athlete: You make so much money, hire a car, call a cab, call a friend.  This time the wrong choice cost a life. None one is going to dispute that this was not planned.  It was an accident.  But this is an accident that didn’t have to happen.  A life did not need to be lost and another life would not have needed to go through the criminal prosecution process if a phone call had been made instead of a car key going in the ignition. The losses overall are very sad for so many and didn’t need to happen. Jerry Brown is gone. Family and friends have lost someone close to them and they are grieving his loss. Josh Brent has been arrested on charges of intoxication manslaughter and his family and friends are grieving not only for Jerry Brown’s loss but the potential loss of their loved one behind bars.  Josh Brent is grieving over the loss of a teammate but the possible loss of what he had or what his future could have been.  Senseless.  Sad.  Swallow your pride.  Call a car service, call a cab, call a friend or family member.  Don't drive after drinking.  I am sure that Monday's show will have a heavy aspect in part, due to yet another tragedy.

Photo and following from DallasCowboys.com

Practice squad linebacker Jerry Brown went across the nation chasing his NFL dream as an undrafted free agent before the 25-year-old’s life ended abruptly and tragically early Saturday morning.

Paid to Drink Beer, Shae’s Nightmare/Paulie’s Dream, Sugar in AZ

Next Wheel of Punishment
It was determined today that Fritzy will have his own Wheel of Punishment. It will have a Bronco theme. If the Broncos do not fall out after the first round of the play offs, as he said they would at the start of the season, he spins a wheel made just for him. Ideas for the wheel are open to the audience. Can’t wait. GO BRONCOS!

Can Peyton lead the Broncos to a second
round play off game and Fritzy to a spin of the wheel?

Fritzy Friday Frown
Fritzy was beginning to sulk because he felt that the boss was trying to bring Friday Fritzy down. A female listener, Jamie in MT, called in that didn’t feel Fritzy stood up for the Broncos the way he should have with McLovin saying that the Broncos wouldn’t make it to the play offs and that Fritzy didn’t think the punishment for McLovin should have been Broncos related because of what McLovin had said. Also she was upset that for two years now, Fritzy hasn’t said anything about the ladies Bronco fan night. He was falsely accused of not having his mic on during the look in. Mock headlines on the Bronco victory Thursday night bombed. Reference to his brother helping him again came up. On top of that, Dan knew the cougar of the week again because Fritzy keeps leaving the information on the fax machine. So who did Fritzy pick as COTW? Elizabeth Berkley

Cougar of the week

Shae’s Nightmare, Paulie’s Dream
What is Shae in Irving’s nightmare? His girlfriends father who is from England will be spending time with them from Christmas to New Year. What’s on the agenda? Soccer, egg nog and what most would consider bad Christmas sweaters.

Ooooo, I  bet Paulie would like this one!

Paid Money to Drink Beer
Possibly one or two more taste testings will occur, but for the most part, The Dan Patrick Show inspired beer is ready. Finishing touches to follow. Who would have thought five years ago that the Danettes would get paid to drink beer. Was that an emotional lump in Seton’s throat today? Bet he can swallow that down with a beer or two or three or four.

Arcade Fire Tribute
Sugar in AZ, tattoo artist, viewer someone who has ink of DP and McLovin on his thigh, is a little banged up and got the Arcade Fire tribute today. For whatever has you down, thoughts to you.

The best McLovin has ever looked is on Sugar's leg

Happy Holidays from Dan, Paulie, Seton, Fritzy and McLovin!

Wheel! Of! Punishment!, Doggie Bag, Home Depot Helper

Home Depot Helper
Dan did a live read for the Home Depot Gift Center. Of the options there are: Weekender, Sports Fan, Decorator, Entertainer, Outdoor Enthusiast and Do It Yourselfer. Dan didn’t quite get it right for the gift package assignments for the Danettes. Maybe these choices would work better:

The Entertainer for Paulie - college campus food truck survival items: finger wipes, antacids, bib

The Sports Fan for Seton - all Yankees gear for the off season: Jeter skull cap, Jeter gloves, Jeter scarf

The Weekender for McLovin – come visit me basket: baby wipes, Mr. Mom manuals and a picture of DP

The Do It Yourselfer for Fritzy – Mountain Dew, Chinese food gift card and those special items needed while watching Cinemax

More wipes, gloves and lubricants

Doggie Bag From SI Sportsman Award
Dan was the on stage interviewer for LeBron James at the Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year Award Show. Prior to going on stage he and LeBron shook hands just after Lebron had applied moisturizer and still had a gob of it on his hand. To get rid of it, Dan did a bro pat/hug on LeBron’s back to try to get rid of it. Shortly after that Dan shook Coach Krzyzewski (how do you get sha-sheh-ski out of those letters?) hand who must have wondered if Dan’s hand was so moist and clammy from pre-show nerves. Coach K did ask who wrote Dan’s questions for him because they were so good. Our DP doesn’t need a writer! Although he had index cards in his hands, from what was shown, he didn’t use them.

Cards in hand but not needed

Last bite:
Lebron has a photo shopped pic of him guarding Michael Jordan as his phone’s screen saver. Think Jordan would still have scored?

Poor Paulie
We were reminded in the open that Dan has a new goal: for Paulie to have fun in the show. Real, gut busting fun. Paulie’s fun is watching other people have fun and saying "That’s funny." He just can’t enjoy himself on the show. Who says that’s funny instead of laughing if they’re having fun? Now the sound effects that Paulie did to Seton’s dorm room story….that’s funny. We did see Paulie do Seton’s leg bouncing, thigh slapping move trying to release the joy. Did it work? TBD

Sad and serious, can Paulie ever enjoy the DP Show experience?

Stat Timing
Stat of the Day is not as easy as it looks, hitting the post and getting in all your stat info. Dan tried to do a stat of the day but tangled the timing of the stat with the stat theme music. He was given a mulligan and did it again later in the show without music and was…ok. It just lacked the drama that it could have had if it was done to the music right the first time. Maybe they should have rehearsed. NEVER! Better to leave SOTD to the amateurs.

I have more words to say and here comes the post....
Dang! Missed it!

Wheel! Of! Punishment!
McLovin’s look at the beginning of the show was rough. He had a Bill Hader’s Stephon look and during his box appearance tried to mimic the mannerisms. Maybe he was going for the Edward from the Twilight series look. Either way, both characters have a creep factor to them. After the first break in the second hour his hair was fully dried and normal again. Must have used Dan’s shower today. So how did the wheel spin turn out? He can not cut or dye his hair until the NFL draft, which is April 26-28. He’ll be looking a little Rob Ryan-esk by that time. Possibly we’ll be getting a wheel of punishment theme song from Oderus, full name Oderus Urungus, from Gwar to go with the skull and cross bones on the wheel’s center.

Will McLovin comply with the Wheel Of Punishment?

Programming Note:
December 17^th, Jim Parsons from The Big Bang Theory is expected to be in the NYC man cave for the day.

Unexpected Apology, Appreciated & Blessed, Super Bowl Side Trip

Unexpected Apology
After the show yesterday, Dan listened back to the broadcast after feed back from the audience and talking to Paulie and Seton had revealed to him things he didn’t like hearing.  After he heard the replay he felt things weren’t as tightened up and professional as he wanted the show to be and for that he apologized. He wants to be proud of this show and something his audience is proud listening to.  If his NBC gig were to go away tomorrow, he still wants this show to be here. Dan, apology unexpected and accepted. You’re only human dude.  Remember, you audience tunes in for that side of you too. 

Here stands a professional human.
Was he wrong speaking how he felt?

Appreciated and Blessed
Who do you go to when you’re the one that everyone comes to for answers?  That’s a question that Deion Sanders, NFL Network, had to deal with and he didn’t have the answer and suicide contemplation and attempt was the conclusion he came to at a time he felt he had no where to go.  Because of that experience Deion can relate in part to Jevon Belcher.  Deion was in the midst of his first divorce, the only people he felt loved him were his kids and they were being taken away from him.  After a Reds game in Cincinnati, he ran his car off the road. He found strength to move forward from the Lord and his strengthening faith afterwards. Even though he thought so then, it was not his time. At the conclusion of the interview Deion said to Dan, You’re a good man and I appreciate you, God Bless You.  Did Deion listen to the show before coming on?  Did he know that Dan had been struggling with his own issues?  Did what Dan and Deion talk about, Brady Quinn’s post game remarks, when you ask someone how they’re doing, do you mean it?  If you tell them you’re ok, are you telling the truth?  Stop and think about that if you haven’t already.  Also, if someone says God Bless You out of the blue, how does that make you feel?  How do you react? The beauty of this show is that it isn’t scripted.  Not for Dan or the Danettes and not for the guests.  Just one of things viewers and listeners love about this show and why they keep coming back.

Look beyond the large print, it's the small that says it all.

New Bdubs Tagline
No one does a live commercial read like DP and today was no exception.  Dan was relating the “protect the football” line with real life situations i.e. McLovin’s invite to Dan last weekend to watch the
game with him while he watched his two young daughters.  Of course Dan said no.  Dan doesn’t want to wait in line for the bathroom and wants to be able to scratch himself when he wants to, “Buffalo Wild Wings, you can scratch if you want to.” Loved this with laughter.  Bdub should have loved it too.  McLovin has a hall pass this weekend and asked to watch the games with Dan.  Response: NO

BDubs, you can scratch if you want to

Super Bowl Side Trip
Archie Manning left the door open and Dan and the Danettes are going to walk right in.  Dan and the Danettes will be on the road once again Super Bowl week and this year it’s in New Orleans.  Home of Archie Manning.  Who does Dan have a preoccupation with?  Archie’s son, Peyton.  As Dan has told us before, when Archie let Dan come over to the house, and go in Peyton’s room, he jumped on the bed, and curled up on the football sheets.  Archie said, you know where I live and that they could come over.  Does he understand that having Dan come over is one thing.  Having frenzied Broncos fan Fritzy is another. Guess we’ll need to stay tuned until February to find out how the Danettes embarrass Dan on this Super Bowl side trip.

The possibilities of what could
go wrong are scary