Accountability

So far there has only been one
 to spin the wheel

Accountability
Surely many people were looking forward to Fritzy spinning the WOP but no such luck. Maybe Fritzy’s daughter called Dan last night and gave him the riot act for Dan being mean to her daddy. Tough little kid. 

Listen to the man's
message and music

A new wager is on the line but we won’t know the results until after the NFL draft. McLovin put his three ATG predictions as set in stone, this will happen moments. All three predictions must occur. On the line: He’ll give up ATG for a month and work as the researcher for SOTD for a month. If they do happen, Seton will wear an I Love ATG t-shirt. Big whoop on Seton’s end, he’s worn worse. Speaking of SOTD, Jamey Jasta, the man responsible for the SOTD theme song that Dan loves so much, did a celebrity SOTD. SOTD continues to grow in its popularity. Here’s hoping for a STOD McLacky.

Would you rather have a 10:30 pm CST curfew and have someone hold you accountable or have an 11:00 pm CST curfew and be on the honor system? This is the question hanging over the heads of the Danettes for their week in New Orleans. Who does this most apply? Let’s dissect this: Fritzy will be in his room right after dinner, or before if he orders room service or Chinese (they have Chinese food in the Big Easy right?). The TV will have the discounted pre-pay adult movie package already in place from the time he checks in until the time he checks out. McLovin may have a little trouble if he’s not paying attention to the time if he’s being one of the girls with the SI swimsuit models. Paulie will only have a problem if he’s stopped checking out places to eat and is trying to keep up with Seton. Seton is the one to worry about. Seton loves his cups and his music. There are plenty of both to go around. Should too many cups grace his lips, 11:00 pm CST becomes, "Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave." Looking forward to the hung over version of Seton for all five days. That would have to lead to a WOP wouldn’t it? Will there be beads? The Danette mouths may be saying no now, but once they get down there, their actions may say yes. 

Owning It, Enjoyment !

Enjoyment! 

Pa-role model story
Playmaker was golden

There was a rare sighting today. So rare and shown for such a short time, still pictures could not capture it. When you see this occurrence it almost, almost, makes you want to say "Awww I feel so happy for him. Who is he? Paulie, one of the meanest Danettes. It was during the Michael Irvin interview. Paulie was seen laughing, smiling, clapping and putting his feet up on the desk. How did that feel Paulie? You should do it more often. Oh no, that’s right, you’re mean.

More enjoyment – Finally Dan’s clubs arrived minutes before the end of the show. Two-a-Days didn’t even get a chance to pull them out of the plastic wrap before the show ended. Hopefully this improves Dan’s mood for tomorrow. What else could be contributing to his attitude? He needs to give blood before he leaves for New Orleans for his surgery the Friday after he returns home from the trip. That and someone helped themselves to Dan’s Girl Scout Thin Mints leaving a half eaten sleeve out of the box. Pretty sure they don’t come that way. There were no confessors to the crime. 

Looking for sticky chocolate fingers

Life changing enjoyment. Yes, we learned that life changing enjoyment occurred with Dan’s daughters after they attended the One Direction concert. Dan experienced the enjoyment of having his hearing return after losing it from all the loud, screaming girls.

Changing lives one song at a time.

Someone will experience gambling enjoyment from bets placed on anything and everything Super Bowl. Super Bowl betting is a ten billion dollar business. Who will come out ahead and who will come out behind? Shae? Barkley?

Did you hear DP's heart
flutter during the interview?

The enjoyment of flirting happened today during Katie Couric’s interview today. It’s not often that you hear Dan ask more than once how he looks to do a phone interview. Yes, there was drama that occurred too from one of the two drama kings, Fritzy. Had Fritzy just toned it down a bit he wouldn’t be facing the Wheel of Punishment. Seton on his first vote around had voted for no WOP for Fritzy because he had Fritzy’s daughter’s voice in his head from when she asked Dan at the Christmas party why he was mean to her daddy. Second vote around Seton got over that and voted for the wheel. The stress of his guarantee and consequences to follow had put Fritzy’s bowels in an uproar. Yes, that’s the phrase he used. This wheel could put Fritzy in a depression for days. 

That should cover Friday
and Monday

There can be enjoyment in security. The security, if you’re a man, knowing that there are four rolls of toilet paper on the back of the toilet if you need to use that many in the course of a day. Really guys?!? There was a vanity under the sink. Couldn’t you have stored those rolls there or is that full of toilet paper too?

One day my name will be
known in every home in
the world !

There can be enjoyment in knowing who you are, but does everyone know who you are? Apparently not one of the callers today. There has been a slight name change. Meet your host of the show, Don Patrick. No, I didn’t spell that wrong. The caller actually called Dan, Don. Guess Dan hasn’t become a household name yet. 

Got out while the getting
was good

There can be enjoyment having co-workers you like and knowing that you don’t have to work with Nicki Minaj. Also, in not being Keith Urban who’s stuck in the middle of Nicki and Mariah Carey on American Idol. Why do ratings continue to slip on the show? One of the reasons Dan feels is that the show misses and needs Simon Cowell. Oh, the good old days. 





Owning It

Inspiration gone awry 

Fritzy had to take ownership of a mock headline that got past Paulie’s editing and Paulie had to take ownership of missing it. Fritzy should have known better and he probably did but put it out there anyway and Dan nearly shut down mock headlines. There may be more than one editing channel the headlines go through after today or a list of words that can’t be used. The headline was a take on the play, The Vagina Monologues. Fritzy’s version for the Manti Te’o/Katie Couric interview was The Vagina Dialogues. Although the censors will probably be ok with it, Dan definitely wasn’t.

Could these be in Paulie's
t shirt collection?
Go Bears circa old

You need to own your look. If it’s being an old man or imitating Ellen Degeneres’ look, so be it. Wearing clothes like you’re an eighty-year-old grampa in a thirty something body, own it. Don’t throw your boss under the bus saying the flannel shirt that he, Fritzy and Seton were wearing was so two thousand eleven. Paulie’s look is t shirts. I have a vision of dozens of totes holding t shirts that Paulie starts with one tote and works his way through the last and doesn’t repeat wearing a t shirt for a year. Everyone has free stuff. Either free stuff they decided to keep for "someday" use or free stuff they have plans to, or have sold, like CDs. People in or from radio culture learn to be that way and it’s a hard habit to break. Face it, the original three plus Dan feel most comfortable wearing clothes they would wear to a rock concert, walk the dog or be on radio. This is a TV show, about a radio show, on TV.

Do the Humpty Hump, Moody in the Man Cave, DP a Hater + More

01-23-13

Do the Humpty Hump

Yeah, Paulie can handle Howie's
hump move

Maybe that should read do the Howie Hump. Howie Long will be stopping by the New Orleans man cave and said he would put a defensive move on the Danettes when he visited. Because of his past injuries, Howie said the only thing left he could still do would be the hump move. Needless to say, not one person in studio was still thinking about football after that statement. The hump move is actually a name of a defensive move that Howie performed back in his Raider days. Could Howie be paid off in beads to hump? He didn’t understand the jest of the question or chose to ignore it and kept moving forward in the conversation. The last time Paulie stood up to a NFL player, Michael Strahan, during their Super Bowl week broadcasts he ended up cracking a rib and puncturing a lung. Good times. Will Paulie go for it again? Will Seton back away? Will McLovin wear Ellen Degeneres clothes if he stands up to Howie? Will Fritzy have his mind in the gutter as he watches? He wouldn’t go there would he?

Moody in the Man Cave

PLEASE! Send Dan his clubs

DP’s mood continues to decline the longer he has to wait for his new Callaway golf clubs and his patience is running low, especially with the poll question. The poll question really isn’t one of his favorite features but it’s something he wants to have for audience participation. He’s a bit fussy about the questions and today he didn’t like the question but it was put up on the website anyway. Well sort of. The wording of the poll question, submitted by Paulie, didn’t go on the website the way it was presented and the meaning of the question had changed. This of course made Dan mad because McLovin did his own interpretation and couldn’t understand how that changed things. Dan also didn’t like the debate that later ensued about how the meaning of the question had changed due to the wording. Whoever is at the top of the food chain at Callaway, please get Dan his clubs. The Danettes would appreciate it. Thanks

First Things First

Mia Sara left a
lasting memory

What types of things run through Dan’s mind at 6:45 in the morning? What’s the name of the female lead in Ferris Bueler’s Day Off? It took a phone call to Paulie to ease his mind. How did this come about? Serena Williams was beat by Sloan Stephens, Sloan Stephens leads to Sloan Peterson from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off equals hot chick memory.






DP a Hater? 

More than a pretty face?

Shae in Irving/MN/TX/Chicago called out DP for being a hater on Silver Linings Playbook. Whoa there deep voice. He wasn’t hatin’ on the film, just the last twenty minutes needed a boost. That and Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper didn’t deserve a five in the dance off. So what has made Shae so touchy about a movie? Shae is betting on the Oscars. He’s putting his money in the hands of the artistic mind. Doesn’t Shae know they don’t think like the sports minded or average Joe? Poor sucker.

Zero Dark Dirty, Guest of the Day, Bring Your Mom with You & More

Bring Your Mom With You

All the things a mom would
need to care for McLovin

Is bringing his mom to work what’s needed for McLovin to be a better Danette? Or should there be a butler or a maid to take care of the Dartmouth grad’s messes? McLovin showered in DP’s bathroom this morning, which Dan didn’t mind. Better to have a clean McLovin than a stinky McLovin. But Dan should not have had to pick up after him in order to use the bathroom. Let’s look at why McLovin needs a maid. If the camera isn’t on him, he doesn’t clean up his coffee and water spills. When he can, he gets the crew to do that for him. He leaves his coffee cups and water bottles wherever he sees fit. When he’s done with them he’s too lazy to toss his trash or too absent minded to take it with him. Is there money in the budget for a maid or butler? I may want to sign up for that studio job! If he had his mom there, maybe she could check his work and make sure sources were quoted properly, i.e. Peter King, so DP doesn’t get in trouble for using a line McLovin sold as his, when it was not. Maybe mom could take care of that "cut" he said he had on his tongue from Dan hitting him with the soccer ball yesterday. 

New Orleans Man Cave Hint 

Will we see this iconic scene on
DP's New Orleans man cave set?

Dan clued us is that the New Orleans man cave that Directv is building is going to be their own French Quarter. Of course Fritzy will be brining his own carry on bag full of beads. He’s already asking for guidance on when he’s crossing the line and if he’s eating too much or the wrong thing. Maybe he should bring his mom to work too.






Insecurity, Competitiveness or Both?

Fritzy knows boners, does he know what
a little back bone is?

What drives Todd Fritz more, insecurity or competitiveness? Just because Dan or one of the other Danettes shoots a one liner that contributes to the show doesn’t mean you have to try to top it with a dud. Paulie is the professional topper. Leave topping to the professionals. Sven called in and had a few mock headlines that were pretty good. But he didn’t take Dan’s advice and walk off when he should have but he did well overall. Dan gave Fritzy a one and done opportunity that should have been done after one but Fritzy went for two and neither really hit the mark. You know a line is bad if you have to explain it. Instead of explaining it, just let it go. It’s much more enjoyable to watch when Fritzy shows some back bone and stands up for himself, especially when he stands up to Dan’s taunting than to watch when he goes into the role of the victim.

Guest of the Day 

If you look closely you can see hair horns
and steam coming from Chris' ears

The Guest of the day has to be Chris Mannix. When he gets passionate and fired up he becomes almost manic. His voice goes higher and louder and he speaks really fast. You can almost see him through the phone line: jaw clenched, forehead tight, face red, waving his hands all over the place. He’s slightly calmer when he guest hosts, but still a riot. First choice guest host when Dan's out for surgery?

Zero Dark Dirty 

Thank you for the line Fritzy, I couldn’t resist. Dan watched Zero Dark Thirty last night and gave his professional actor review. The movie is complicated at the beginning getting the story established but it’s well worth sticking with. The last half-hour is spectacular and really well done. Director Katherine Bigelow, like Ben Affleck for Argo, should have been nominated for an Oscar. So what one thing did Dan walk away from the movie with? Most people would come away with how great our troops were on that mission, but not our Dan. His lasting thought was how hot Jessica Chastain was.

Sharper than Sharpe, Wearing a Little Thin & More

From 01-21-13

How Do They Do It?

DP gets fired up with SOTD

DP is getting older, yes it’s true. He still appreciates a good head bang but wonders how the heavy metal bands do it every night for an hour or more. Dan was screaming along with the SOTD intro, which put Seton into head down, giggle mode. By the end of the short intro he was nearly all rocked out and red faced jetting up out of his chair and fist pumping. Getting old is a…

Sharper than Sharpe

So Sterling Sharpe was upset with Bill Belichick because he didn’t stop and talk to Steve Tasker from CBS. Was this really what was bothering him or did Sterling need to come up with something for post-game face time. What was better than what Sterling said on air was Fritzy imitating Sterling Sharpe because he didn’t think Seton had audio, which he did. Now if Sterling had said the things that Fritzy had in his imitation, that would have been more interesting TV. Even if Belichick had stopped and talked to Tasker, would he have said anything noteworthy? This is a low, soft talking, mumbler we’re talking about after all. After listening to his post-game presser, there was nothing to be gained.  Unitl it was pointed out to you, did you notice?  Did you care?

Bronze Linings Playbook

DP agrees JL was Golden Globes worthy

Short and sweet - Dan’s movie review of Silver Linings Playbook: It started out as an A+ that sloped to a B- by the end of the movie because they lost the momentum they had in the beginning on the subject matter for the storyline by the half to three quarter mark of the movie.  Great performances by all the actors it just needed a little help with the script to make it a really good movie. 

DP Viewing Alert

Dan will be part of the pre-game and half time telecast of the Pro Bowl on NBC, Will he get a chance to ask a player – do you really want to be here? What was in your gift bag? You can catch the Pro Bowl on NBC Sunday, January 27^th, beginning at 7 pm. Dan will be interviewing Joe Flacco and Collin Kaepernick from the New Orleans man cave to air during half time of the Pro Bowl. Will a Danette photo bomb the interview and make it to prime time network air? Must see TV.

Wearing a Little Thin

Have mock headlines frayed too far?

So what is it that is wearing a little thin with mock headlines? Mock headlines themselves? Quality submissions by Fritzy? Quality subject matter for the headlines? Frequency? Repetitive headlines? The number of headlines? Would three really good ones be better than twelve headlines of which there are nine crickets and three really good ones? It can’t be fans versus Fritzy. That’s only been done three times and done well. Whatever you choose, maybe a break is needed to freshen this up again. Five good seconds isn’t a daily feature. Either is ATG. SOTD is a shared effort. Fritzy asks for the abuse he gets and is then a poor sport in defeat with his bitter, sullen attitude. Maybe a little mock vaca to reboot the mock batteries is just what this segment needs.

Keep Your Hands to Yourself, McTe'o ?, Can't Let Go & More

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Big brother is watching

Just as Elway’s framed jersey has taken abuse, so has Fergie’s bust. It’s one thing to think about doing something, like Seton did, it’s another thing to do it like Fritzy and McLovin. Yes, poor Fergie’s bust has been felt up by McLovin at least once, and most likely numerous times by Fritzy. Dan says the bust is something to be viewed and admired, Fritzy feels it’s something that you should touch. Dan tried to clean off the fingerprints with the sleeve of his pull over but had to leave the fingerprints where Fergie had written her dedication for fear that he would wipe off the ink. Are all the cameras turned off after the show is done? Maybe having a motion sensor security camera or two would be a good addition to the man cave for after hours or the wee hours of the morning.

Fritzy Double Loser 

From the past crazy town days

Part One: During his call, Mark in MI, gave a Manti Te’o mock headline. Fritzy tried to top it with his own that he had prepared. Let’s say they just weren’t that good. For that, Fritzy lost the opportunity to do COTW and McLovin had to go in the box to fill in. DP is rarely likes women with short hair and this cougar did not make the exception to his rule. The cougar chosen was Anne Heche. Remember that hot mess of craziness?

Yes he wore this
Yes he said that

While in the box, McLovin revealed that he was wearing a LiveStrong t-shirt under his zippered jacket and said: "Lance is back, it’s just a matter of time." Don’t know about that. Coming out of the box, McLovin revealed the shirt to the Danettes as well. Not sure if they were sincere or not but they wondered if McLovin had been working out, told him that he looked pretty ripped in that shirt, asked if he was wearing a medium… something isn’t quite right here. Maybe a future set up?

He who enjoys & thanks himself
is a man who insults his wife

Part Two: Fans v Fritzy – It was ugly. Todd had not only his brother behind him but now his wife as well. Sexual references always work on the show and there were a few that met that mark. In Lance Armstrong fashion, Fritzy even tried to cheat, but was caught using a headline that was already done by the fans. A scoring penalty ensued but it didn’t matter. Even without the penalty, the fans had it in the bag: fans 10, Fritzy 5. Fritzy’s said his wife better have her A game on tonight as he’s going to need to be consoled. If she was listening to the show and heard the way he said that, ain’t no way. Chinese and Cinemax for Fritzy.



McTe’o ?

McLovin's Mysterious Mindy

Our own McLovin boosted his love life stats sometime during the18 – 22 years of age range with what he now claims was his own imaginary girlfriend. Name: Mindy Location: Ontario. Dan did see a picture of a woman McLovin said was Mindy from Ontario, but was she who he said she was? Supposedly she was the love of his life before his wife but she couldn’t cross the border and didn’t have a green card??? What else has McLovin told us that isn’t true? Did he go to Dartmouth? Does he know Brooklyn Decker and Andy Rodick? Does he live in a one-bedroom apartment with a wife and two daughters? Does he own hats that aren’t promotional? Just more of the McLovin mystery.








An F is an A, a D is a B

Typical Danette Report Card

Did you ever alter a grade on a report card before it made it to your parents? You’re not alone if you did. Paulie did, but got caught because a follow up report card that was sent in the mail. McLovin and DP both changed grades. Thanks to DP's older and more troublesome brothers, Mike and Bill, he didn’t get in trouble. Fritzy’s worse school sin was plagiarizing a limerick in the 4^th grade that was published in the school newsletter, which he later had to come clean. Which is worse, a grade change or a 4^th grader copying a limerick for a contest?










       

       Can’t Let Go

Could it be that Rich is
mad because Dan has
hair?

Rich Eisen is a good dad and a sensitive guy. His son, five year old Zander, came on at the end of the interview to say hi to Uncle Dan and give a shout out to his friends, Cara and Penelope. According to Rich, these are real friends, not imaginary, cat-fished friends. Rich was fine with letting go of his son so he could go to school but Rich can not let go of something that happened with the show. One day, way back in 2009, Rich was bumped from coming on the air for Dan Bickley from the Arizona Republic. Cut the cord to this event Rich, cut the cord.




Going Against His Own Grain   

Yep, that's DP's logo
on the label

When the morning started, McLovin was still standing by his picks of September 5^th: Ravens and Niners for the Super Bowl. Today during his Against the Grain segment everything changed. He’s now picking the Patriots, Seton’s favorite team, and the Falcons, or as McLovin pronounces it Valcons. He called an Audible, an Audible Ale-teration.











No Dan Alert

Yeah, he's ok to play

Dan is having surgery on his shoulder the Friday after the Super Bowl. Don’t worry though, although he will not be able to be in studio, he’s still been cleared to play for the Red Skins. 














Arcade Fire Tribute

The tribute went out to long time audience member, Tilly in Bloomington. If you follow Tilly on Twitter, @BigLiciousT you know that yesterday he lost his 7 ½ year old yellow lab, Harley, to cancer. 

Tilly's Harley

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....  Author unknown...

Fritzy Flies like an Eagle, McLovin Hot & Not

Fritzy Flies like an Eagle

Chip gave Fritzy wings today

It’s been a long rough road for Fritzy with mock headlines. First he was having a lack of positive response from Dan. Then came other Danettes taking their shot at the one-line zingers. Audience members saw a chink in the armor and started taking their shots. One member had some initial success, so he started calling in on a regular basis with his headlines. When that caller started to fail and everyone came rushing in like a cheetah on an antelope for Fans versus Fritzy. With a Fans versus Fritzy segment looming over his head tomorrow, Fritzy fought back and triumphed with Chip Kelly to Philadelphia headlines. He could not be topped. Our topper, Paulie, didn’t even try. Bravo Fritzy on a job well done.

McLovin Hot and Not 

Maybe it was the sweater that
 made her feel ill

Speaking of Chip Kelly, McLovin’s wheel of coaches paid off this week. Yes, it is true! McLovin’s Against the Grain segment for NFL coaching vacancies had a spin to win. Chip Kelly is going to the Eagles. McLovin is also the only one still in the running for Super Bowl picks. Can you believe it? Can we stand his ego puffing up even more if it’s a Ravens/Niners Super Bowl? Maybe we should start bracing ourselves now. Where he wasn’t hot was with former colleague Jenn Sterger. Take a look at how excited she is to sit next to him.