Sometimes It's Personal, Selective Hearing, Love You Dan!

Sometimes It’s Personal 

Something Dan has been able to do since leaving ESPN more than anything else is express himself when a topic hits the heart. Recent examples are Hurricane Sandy, the Penn State child abuse and cover up case, the suicide of the bartender/friend at the Seven Seas and on Tuesday, alcoholism. Tim Cowlishaw has written a book, Drunk on Sports, about his alcoholism and recovery and was a guest. After the interview Dan spoke of his personal experience reminding us that there is a history of alcoholism within his family and offering a little of what his family went through towards the end of his father’s life with his battle with alcohol. It’s times like these that make this show so endearing to its audience. 
　
Selctive Hearing

Food City 500 Winner

The show gave NASCAR a little love Monday with the play of the day clip featuring Kasey Kahne going over the line to win the Food City 500 at Bristol. Dan quipped that drivers know they’re being recorded so what they say on the radio isn’t genuine because it’s always nice and complimentary even when you did poorly. DP obviously has heard Kyle or Kurt Busch or Tony Stewart on a bad day.

Love You Dan !  

Seth doesn't need to buy a dog to express
DP love

Monday’s awkward moment for Dan came when Seth Davis of SI and CBS said he loved Dan. This is twice in a year that DP has been told by one of his guest that they loved him. The other was Dion Sanders. That comment was less awkward because of the conversation content that surrounded that response. When men can say that to other men is uncomfortable for Dan and Paulie. Let’s face it, it pains Paulie to have fun or personal moments. Fritzy and Seton, not so much, especially if Seton has been in his cups. DP can say it somewhat comfortably to a father or a son but for him, even saying it to a brother is a bit too touchy feely. Chris in Ohio and a couple of others ended their phone calls that way, poking the bear. Too bad not all of the callers today pushed that button.

No Go Game Show, Host Hair

No Go Game Show

With the rumor of Matt Lauer, of the Today Show, taking over hosting duties of Jeopardy from Alex Trebek, the way Meredith Viera did with Who Wants to be a Millionaire from Regis Philbin, game show story time returned.  For awhile, DP was on the short list of who to contact should a game show hosting gig open up.

 When Bob Barker of The Price Is Right gave the go ahead for Dan as one of his possible replacements, Dan was busy covering the NBA Finals in San Antonio.  PIR producers wanted to do a set test with DP and even offered to make a set in San Antonio for screen test.  What they wouldn’t do is tell Dan what he would make.  When he inquired, the response was that they would tell him once he accepted the job.  In whose world does that work other than Hollywood?  

Needless to say, he passed.  Nowadays the only game shows DP would consider would be Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, the mother of Wheel of Punishment.  Dan would freshen up WOF just a bit to be more viewer friendly.  Vanna - bye bye.  Bring in two new shorties, one for vowels, the other for consonants.  Gotta give the audience what they want.

Host Hair
Who has better host hair?  Alex Trebek, Fake Alex Trebek, Matt Lauer, Dan Patrick or Bob Barker? All have hair helpers of one type or another.  Gotta go with go big or go home.  

Showing Colors, Loves Him Some Rubio, LVD Becoming a Reality

Showing Colors 

So long Pats, hello Broncos

Fritzy was in the words of Phil from Duck Dynasty, “Happy Happy Happy” today.  When the news of Wes Welker going from the Patriots to the Broncos hit, Fritzy was surely celebrating in his zubaz pants.  Choosing which Bronco items to wear and what to leave home must have been pleasurable torture.  How much was too little, what was too much.  Visions of a Super Bowl trophy, shiny and bright, must have been a highlight in Todd’s dreams Wednesday night.  Fritzy in a happy mood makes Seton nuts.  The cooing over the phone with Rich Eisen, from the NFL Network, was just too sugary sweet.  The papal mock headlines were good throughout but the shamrock shake PSA was a colossal fail.  He was even, should I dare say it, a little cocky, getting up during break and standing in one of DP and Seton’s break talks.  Before long Seton will have his chance to be sickening too with all of his Yankee play of the day clips and Jeter references.   Soon Seton, soon, your day will be here.

Loves Him Some Rubio 

Getting props from Mannix long time

Occasional guest host, Chris Mannix of SI, called in Thursday as Chris in New York to berate DP for not giving Ricky Rubio of the Timberwolves, what Chris felt, was some much deserved love.  You could almost get a clear visual of Mannix sitting on the edge of his chair, red faced, hair standing straight up and hands waving as Chris’ voice raised trying to make his points to DP.  Well, at least Rubio has one fan that refuses to give up, even though he can’t shoot.  Yes Chris, we know, he can still learn to shoot. 

LVD Becoming a Reality 

Who will be the shining LVD star for March?

The least valuable Danette award is getting closer to becoming a reality.  The crystal star award was revealed along with its monthly award status.  Up in the air was the value of voting.  Would fans be allowed to vote? It would help to have an outside opinion away from the behind the scenes office politics. What weight would their vote have?  Would the Danettes be comfortable voting, especially if it was a public vote?  The only one who said they would not was Fritzy, so by majority rule, the Danettes get to vote too.  The award is not retro fitted so the first LVD will be for the month of March.  Only 17 days and counting.  Get your stupid on boys!

69 89 86, Is Your Poll Up, Salty Great One, Do You Feel the Heat + More

69, 89, 86, It’s Not All the Same 

I 86'd you man not that other thing!

When using numbers in analogies, sometimes it’s important to use the right ones.  Just ask Charles Barkley.  Since Tiger Woods won this weekend, Dan had inquired if Barkley was still in touch with Tiger and congratulated him since DP knew Charles and Tiger were tight at one time.  What Barkley meant to say was that Tiger had eighty-sixed the relationship.  What came out as Barkley fumbled for the right thing to say was Tiger had sixty-nined the relationship.  Quite a difference in what those numbers mean.  DP even turned a bit red as he corrected the big man.  Must wonder where Fritzy’s mind went when he heard those words.

Broke Back Mountain Isn’t About an Injury 

Doug, this is not the beginning
 of a sleeper hold

While 69, 89 and 86 aren’t the same, Broke Back Mountain and a movie about injuries aren’t the same either. Dear Doug Glanville - know your references!  Yankee fans must have been choking on something when they first heard this.  Just like Pride of the Yankees wasn’t about what lies beneath the jock strap, Broke Back Mountain doesn’t apply to injury-ridden players.







Is Your Poll Up?

Strong Poll?

Over and over again the poll question is an area of agitation for Dan.  Either there isn’t a question or he doesn’t like the question.  It doesn’t matter if the question comes from McLovin, another Danette, or the audience.  Nothing really satisfies Dan.  So what if there was no poll question.  Back in the ESPN days DP got rid of the poll question.  The show seemed to survive without it.  Let’s face it, even at Dan’s age, he wants a strong poll.  Is the poll question such a vital part of the show that it would make a difference to the audience tuning in or not?  Would McLovin’s pay actually be less if there were not poll question?  If McLovin’s most important role was the poll question, would he still have a job?  The audience at one point was going to be able to vote on if there should still be a poll question but that never happened.  The question still hangs; Should your poll be up or hang low?  Oh yeah, way in on the pole isn’t the same as weigh in on the poll either. 

Salty Great One

No salt for you!

Story time with the great one, Wayne Gretzy: While having dinner with Charles Barkley in Barkley’s home, Barkley’s wife said: “Great One, pass me the salt.”  As Gretzy thought the reference was to him, he reached across the table for the salt only to have Barkley intercept him and say:  “I’m the only great one in this house.”  Wonder if in that house they prefer the poll to hang low or be up?






Do You Feel the Heat?

DP's the flame, Fritzy's pan is trying to stay away

Fritzy wants to be more, do more.  He wants a title and responsibilities of a Coordinating Producer, not just a Booker.  DP is trying to get him there, but let’s face it, patient mentor Dan is not.  Fritzy is learning to connect guests and story lines together but until he feels comfortable with that he falls back on taking credit for the number or names of guests that are scheduled.  As Dan says, it’s just a name on the page or chalkboard, it’s what DP does with the guest in the interview that makes the difference.  So in a take on booking scared, Fritzy was tweeting scared last night posting almost the same tweet three times in seven minutes.  It’s burning down there and it’s not from an STD. 

The Master Going to the Masters

The Master Going to the Masters 

Dan will be going to the Masters in Augusta and this will not be a joint road trip with the Danettes. Sad faces did not change his mind. Dan held strong. Why no Danettes for this one? Fear. Fear that the Danettes will embarrass him at the prestigious golf tournament by shouting "You da man!" or getting caught trying on one of the historic green jackets. If they called out something stupid on the grounds DP would just have to stab them. 

Who will DP see wear the green jacket this year?

Not that Dan would know anything about trying on green jackets. DP made a trip to Augusta once before and took a wrong turn coming out of the bathroom only to find himself in the champions locker room. Open a locker or two and there she is. A green jacket. This one belonging to Jack Nicholas. He has to slip her on to see how she felt. A little tight, but Dan didn’t mind sliding into something tight. It felt good and that’s all that mattered.



 

Fritzy All A-Rousey, Seton Shooting Low, WOP on the Line

WOP On The Line 
We have a little while to wait, but there is a Wheel of Punishment bet on the line with the national title game.  If Indiana or Duke wins the national title, Dan has to take Paulie to dinner and Seton spins the wheel in place of DP.  If neither Indiana nor Duke win the national title, Paulie has to spin the wheel, but DP does not need to take Seton to dinner, even though he probably will since he’s closest to Seton of all the Danettes.  Is Seton adding up points
for 2013 MVD?  You bet he is!

Seton Shooting Low

Seton has been taking shots at the boss lately.  In defending his position, he landed a low blow to the fellow Danettes saying DP already has three yes men, he doesn’t need a fourth.  Once the newness of DP’s surgery wore off, Seton’s been taking advantage of the wounded like a lion attacking a gazelle with a broken leg. 





Fritzy All A-Rousey 

MMA fighter Ronda Rousey, UFC Bantamweight Champion, was booked on the Thursday show and hours before coming on Fritzy was already in creepville.  Her pre-fight preparation and the fact that she could physically dominate him put one Todd Fritz’s mind into fantasyland.  Female to male sports domination became the poll and studio question of the day.  Poll takers were fine with it, as well as Seton – sort of, if it was his wife taking him in soccer yes – otherwise not so sure, Paulie – Jennifer Lawrence much more superior archer, McLovin – Rebecca Lobo in basketball no problems and Fritzy – any woman could beat him in anything and he wouldn’t mind.  Dan, he has issues with a woman being able to beat him.  By the way, Dan doesn’t care to watch women fighting in any form.  It’s just not enjoyable for him.  For Dan, a woman doesn’t have to prove that she is tough.  For anyone who has been through childbirth, you will understand that point of view.  

Competition Through and Through + More

Competitive Through and Through 

Did he smile like this when DP
told him to move his fat ass?

Once a competitor, always a competitor. At least that’s what runs through the blood of one Dan Patrick. In a pick up basketball game with his fellow ESPN sportscasters at the time, DP was characteristic of what Carmello Anthony is today. The mouthy, selfish baller had no love for his co-workers. Even those that were playing on the same side as him. Once again, story time with Dan was entertaining with an assist from Jason Jackson, former ESPNer. Oh the good old days.



80’s Crooner or Nails on a Chalk Board 

Fritzy-stuck in an '80's Rick Astley video

Fritzy’s been taking hits over the last two days about his singing. This includes changing the poll question to ask if he should be allowed to continue to sing on the show. The voters chose to allow him to sing but I have to admit, when Fritzy sings the only songs he can, Rick Astley or Hall and Oates, either I cringe or turn the volume down. It’s not the artists, it’s his interpretation of the artists. Maybe if there were the background music playing to help tone down his voice it wouldn’t be as bad. He needs to grow beyond two artists and three or four songs. Not sure what John Legend and Darius Rucker see in him but God bless him for trying. Not many people I know would have the guts to sing on radio or TV. For those that aren’t this crooner’s fan, cover your ears America. He’s not going away.

The Pendulum Swings the Other Way 

DP's mood - not as soft as the angry chair

Seton and Fritzy took strikes at the boss, his ability to sing and his group dominance. Seton claims Dan can’t sing and Fritzy claims he sings better than DP. Fritzy continued to poke at the bear saying Dan needs to be the center of attention and the funniest guy in the room. Of course Dan felt the opposite on both counts. McLovin swayed both ways. He said Dan was a liar, that Dan would hold negative comments about him against those that made the comment although Dan said he would not for things that were said in the box or on The Box Score. Then McLovin turned the page in the next breath and went back to sucking up to the boss again. Dan has not been in a good way just before and since his shoulder surgery. It’s like he’s always in the angry chair even when he’s not. The Danettes must say prayers each night that the next morning DP will be in a better mood that lasts the entire show. The completion of the rehab and healing process can’t come soon enough. DP is cranky watching the guys shoot hoops and take swings on the golf simulator from the sidelines. Not much fun for DP or the Danettes. Entertaining though for the audience.